Who We Are
by lissy303
Summary: Alistair's journey through the campaign. Follow him as he copes with losses, falls in love with his best friend's sister, and ultimately discovers who he is. Now rated M.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Yay my first attempt at a real multi-chapter DA fic! The way things are looking now, this should be around 18 chapters or so. I have a general outline done, but those are always subject to change depending on my muse's feelings. I'm also skipping over a lot of key plot points and focusing on Alistair's development, cuz that's what I do best. Oh, and maybe a bit of romance. Just a tad :) Read and enjoy!_

_..._

The new Warden recruit was not what Alistair was expecting.

First of all, she was a _she_, and a noble at that. When Duncan mentioned the hope of recruiting one of the Cousland children, Alistair assumed he meant one of the two men. He knew Fergus would be an unlikely choice; he was, afterall the eldest and the heir to Highever. Not to mention he had a wife and son. Since Fergus had an heir of his own already, the second son, Aedan, would not have made an unlikely candidate. Duncan thought that by having a noble volunteer, especially the son of a teyrn, more people would be willing to volunteer to become a Grey Warden. But never did Alistair expect to see Aedan's twin sister, Elissa.

After arguing with one of the mages, he turned to find a very pretty young woman staring at him. She was at least a head shorter than he, her chestnut hair pulled back into a messy braid. Leather armor clung to her curves, while a shortbow and a quiver full of arrows were slung over her back. Alistair could just make out what seemed to be the hilt of two daggers, each tucked away in her boots.

It was her eyes that caught him. From a distance, they were a deep blue, but when he moved closer to speak with her, he saw the barest hint of green. He found himself staring, almost entranced by her eyes.

They held little warmth, however. She looked... _tired_. Arl Eamon would have a similar look in his eyes after dealing with something he didn't really want to deal with. Alistair couldn't imagine why a young woman who looked younger than he would have at look in her eyes.

He attempted to be charming, to at least get a smile out of her, but her face wouldn't budge. She only wanted to press on to the Joining. Alistair led her around the camp; showed her the Quartermaster in case she needed supplies, the mess hall where she would take her meals, even the kennels where the mabari war hounds were kept. She stopped in front of the kennels, gazing longingly at the barking dogs, a ghost of a smile dancing on her face. "I have a mabari. A puppy, actually. He's with Duncan."

Well, at least he now knew she could _talk_.

Alistair tried to engage her in conversation from that, telling her he had never seen a mabari puppy before, only fully grown war dogs. "In fact," he laughed, "I almost expected to be born fully grown!" She hardly even glanced at him. He sighed, running his hand through his hair.

They began making their way back to Duncan through the main camp, when Elissa suddenly stopped short. Alistair halted, following her gaze. She was staring at a man as he walked by... no, she was staring at his shield, which bore the crest of Highever. Without warning, she sprinted away, through the camping area of the men.

"Elissa!" he called, running after her. Something didn't feel right about leaving her, a relatively small, young lady, alone in a camp full of soldiers. Though, he supposed, a man would have to catch her first. She certainly had an advantage over Alistair, wearing only padded leather armor compared to his bulky splitmail. Nonetheless, he followed her as best he could, shouting her name and throwing half-hearted apologies to those he bumped into. Finally, in a small clearing of tents, he found her standing still, looking around carefully. "Elissa, what in the Maker's name are you doing?"

She didn't respond, and Alistair could not even tell if she heard him. Finally, looking towards her left, she found what she was looking for. "Aedan!" she called.

_Aedan? Her brother is here?_Of course he would be here. He was leading part of Highever's army with his brother. Alistair wondered why she was in such a hurry to see her brother... didn't she see him only a few days ago? Perhaps she didn't know there hadn't been a battle since he and his army arrived...

Aedan's face held a look of pure shock as his twin flung herself into her arms. He grabbed her by the shoulders to look at her, and only then did Alistair realize Elissa was sobbing. He stood there gaping, not entirely knowing what to do, as Elissa said something to her brother. Alistair watched as Aedan's shoulders sagged, and sadness mixed with his shocked look as Elissa buried her face in her brother's shoulder, his arms coming to wrap around his weeping sister. Highever men around them stood watching them, the ones nearest who heard what Elissa said covered their faces or began praying, making the symbol of the Maker. Alistair realized he was watching siblings mourn together with their people around them.

After a few moments, Aedan and Elissa began approaching him. Alistair stood up straighter, unsure what to expect. Aedan nodded to his men who patted him on the shoulder or uttered their condolences as he passed, but the man kept his focus, staring straight ahead of him. "Alistair, the Grey Warden?" Aedan asked as he reached him. "Aedan Cousland of Highever." Aedan held out his hand, and although cordial, he lacked any warmth or friendliness he normally would have held in meeting a new person. Alistair was sure the usual pleasantries of saying 'nice to meet you' would be inappropriate, so instead he said nothing, only nodding in respect and grasping Aedan's outstretched hand. "I understand you're taking Elissa to see the Warden Commander. Might I accompany you?"

"Of course," he replied. Elissa stood behind her brother, looking miserably at the ground. Alistair could only see her now as a scared little girl, thrown into a world of war and chaos that she had no right being in.

The trio made their way back to Duncan's fire, where the Warden Commander was waiting patiently for them. As they approached, a smaller mabari jumped up from Duncan's side and ran towards them, pouncing on Elissa. _The mabari puppy_... Alistair thought. It didn't look like any puppy he had seen before. In fact, it looked just like an adult mabari, only smaller. Still, it had no trouble throwing Elissa off balance as she knelt down to scratch his ears.

Aedan did not wait for Alistair to make the introductions; instead, he walked up to Duncan himself and stuck out his hand. "Aedan Cousland, Elissa's brother."

Duncan shook his hand firmly. "My condolences, my lord."

Aedan nodded his thanks. "Elissa tells me you're the reason she's alive and was able to see our parents one last time." Duncan said nothing, only waited for Aedan to continue. "I give you my thanks. Terrible tragedy has struck my house, but thanks to you, well..." Aedan lowered his head to towards the ground, and Alistair heard Elissa sniff behind him. "I have a request of you. I have no right to ask any more of you, but I would not unless I thought it absolutely necessary. I know my father gave you his blessing to have Elissa join the Grey Wardens as your boon. I only ask that I may take her place instead."

"What?" Elissa cried incredulously.

"Elissa, please," Aedan said, turning slightly to look at her.

"Aedan, no!"

"Elissa, if this truly is a Blight, then Duncan needs more Grey Wardens. Arl Eamon's armies haven't arrived yet. Please, go to Redcliffe and explain everything to the Arl." Alistair shifted uncomfortably at the mention of the Arl, especially when he met Duncan's gaze. The Couslands, however, took no notice. "Father always spoke highly of Arl Eamon. He will take you in, and as soon as this Blight is over, he will help you take back Highever."

"If the Grey Wardens need all the help they can get, then why not both of us? I can do more here, fighting with you!" Elissa's eyes were pleading, but Aedan squared his shoulders. He approached her, gently taking a hold of her.

"My fate is already tied to this war, whether it be as a Grey Warden or with my army. There is already a chance that I may not make it out of here alive. It is the same with Fergus. There needs to be a Cousland alive after this mess to make Howe pay for what he did. If all three of us are dead... we can't take that chance. I can't take that chance."

Elissa's eyes welled up with tears, and Alistair could see her internal struggle. Quietly, Duncan said, "I accept your request, Aedan."

She shook her head wordlessly. "Aedan..."

"Please, Lis. Mother and Father wanted you to_ live. Please_..." Alistair felt as though he was intruding on a very personal family moment, and was surprised at the pang of jealousy that ran through him. Thought not sure of the details, it was clearly that their parents were dead and Highever was lost to them, yet they still found comfort in each other, only as family could. Alistair longed for that connection.

Finally, Elissa nodded. "Okay," she muttered. Aedan sagged in relief and pulled her into a hug.

"Leave in the morning," Aedan said, pulling away from his sister. "You're bound run into Redcliffe's army closeby. Someone will be able to escort you to Redcliffe." They continued to make their plans as Alistair stood awkwardly to the side, waiting for them to finish.

With a nod to Duncan, Elissa turned to Alistair. "Take care of my brother," she commanded. Her voice was soft, but her blue-green eyes held a blazing look, and for a moment, Alistair forgot that he should give her an answer. She wasn't waiting for one, however. She marched off to the women's camp to rest and wash up.

A stab of guilt replaced any jealousy and sadness he was feeling. Aedan expected that he may die in battle, but he could not possibly know about the danger he faced simply by joining the Grey Wardens.

Alistair gulped, feeling for the first time that, in that instant, he'd rather be a common soldier than a Grey Warden.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thank you to those who reviewed and followed and favorited! This is my first attempt at a real multi-chaptered fic, and knowing that people are following certainly motivates me to keep it going!_

_Disclaimer: I'm running out of witty ways to say I don't own Dragon Age..._

__...

Alistair's first thought was that he was in pain, and a lot of it. Without even moving any part of his body, he could tell that _everything_ hurt. His second thought that he must not, _could not_ be dead, because if he was, he would not possibly be in this much pain.

He opened his eyes to an unfamiliar setting. He was in a hard bed stuffed with straw with a ragged blanket thrown over him, the scratchy wool rough against his bare skin. He tried to sit up, but an intense pain shot across his stomach and hip, causing him to groan in cease all efforts of moving.

"Please, keep still."

A soft voice and light footsteps came from the side of his bed. He tried to turn his head to look at the speaker, but a hand gently came to rest on his forehead, stopping his moments. For a moment, he didn't recognize her, but he knew those eyes. Those blue-green, piercing eyes which now held a look of concern.

"Alistair, isn't it? You were badly injured during the fight. You barely made it out alive. It was all that we could do to save you..." she muttered, her voice trailing off. He ran her hand down his cheek. "Your fever broke, thank the Maker. We didn't know if you'd..." She paused again, leaning back and away from him.

"Elissa?" He successfully turned his head towards her, finding her sitting on a wooden stool she had drawn up close to the bed. "What happened...?"

Her eyes filled with tears as she placed her hand on his head again. "I'm so sorry..." she trailed off, a single tear dropping down her cheek. Alistair wished he had the strength to wipe it away, but he couldn't move his arms from his side. Besides, he barely knew her, and why was she trying to comfort him? What had happened...?

Alistair suddenly remembered. He had been on top of the tower with Aedan, her twin, trying to light the beacon. But there had been darkspawn, _so many darkspawn_, and that ogre - how'd that get up to the top of the tower? - and the mage and tower guard... but they did it. They lit the beacon. Hadn't they?

"Loghain left. He abandoned everyone. He left everyone to _die_," she said, sobbing out the last word.

_No_, he thought,_ no, she was wrong_. They lit the beacon. Aedan lit the beacon... "But... the beacon?"

"All I know is that Loghain saw the signal and pulled his men anyway," she muttered, collecting herself. Elissa was a woman who did not typically flash her emotions in such away, but the past few days had been so difficult, so overwhelming, she could hardly help it. "He abandoned everyone... the king, the Grey Wardens, in their time of need."

_No, there is no conceivable way that everyone is..._. "Duncan?" was all he could mutter. But the expression on her lovely face told him everything he needed to know before he answered her.

"I'm so sorry," she repeated, her eyes downcast. "The tower was overrun by darkspawn. If it hadn't been for Morrigan and her mother..."

"How?"

She bit her lip, hesitant on how to explain. "They're shapeshifters," she uttered quietly. "They turned into these giant birds and flew off. I thought I was hallucinating when I saw them, but then they came back holding you and Aedan." She glanced to the other side of the room. Alistair could barely make out what seemed to be another bed with a figure laying in it. "He hasn't woken up yet," she explained, answering his unasked question. She didn't take her eyes off of her brother. "Morrigan's mother knows some healing magic. If it hadn't been for her... well, I would be truly alone."

Yet it was Alistair who was truly feeling alone, even though Elissa was sitting right beside him. But she was watching her brother, anxiously waiting for him to awaken, and Alistair doubt she held the same concern for him. She had no reason to. Nobody did, not anymore, and that thought left Alistair in true anguish.

...

It was another two days before Aedan awoke.

Shortly after Alistair woke up, Flemeth, came bustling in to check on his wounds, throwing the blanket off of him, leaving him exposed in nothing but his smalls. Elissa turned away hastily in an effort to give him some semblance of privacy, and sat next to her still unconscious brother. By the next day, Alistair was able to walk, though he leaned heavily on Elissa's tiny frame. She hoped that the fresh air would help him clear his head and ease his suffering. But the cool air outside smelt like smoke and decay, and only reminded Alistair of what he lost.

Elissa tried to keep herself busy, aiding Flemeth when she could, mending Alistair and Aedan's torn clothes, collecting some basic herbs that she recognized that grew close to the hut. Alistair sat by the fire, unmoving, sometimes watching her move around, but mostly he lost himself in his own thoughts and memories. At night, Elissa slept on the ground between the two beds. Under normal circumstances, Alistair would have offered her the bed, refusing to let her say no. But he never offered, and she never asked. Where the pair of witches slept, neither of them knew.

It was quiet in the late morning. The weather was overcast and dull, with the occasional raindrop here and there. Elissa sat by Alistair next to the fire, attempting to converse with him. But he was lost in his own anguish, and Elissa continued to look to the door of the hut.

Morrigan had appeared again this morning and had ventured inside the hut to prepare lunch for the crowd. After what seemed like hours of awkward silence between Alistair and Elissa, the door to the hut burst open, revealing Aedan being supported by Morrigan.

Elissa jumped up and tackled her brother into a bear hug. Aedan nearly lost his balance but he caught himself on the door jam. Alistair stood, feeling a tad bit of hope stirring in his chest, above all of his grief and sadness. At least he wasn't the only Grey Warden in Ferelden, even if the only other one was the greenest one they had.

Of course, he wasn't that much more experienced.

Elissa fell back as Aedan approached Alistair and embraced him as one would a brother. It was almost more than Alistair could handle after such a devastating loss, and he gripped on to Aedan tightly. When he pulled back, he could see the devastation mirrored in Aedan's eyes. "Morrigan told me," he muttered. "I... I don't... I'm so sorry, Alistair."

Alistair only nodded, forgetting that Aedan knew none of the other Grey Wardens. He was merely giving his condolences, not mourning by his side. Loneliness hit Alistair all over again.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Yay chapter three! Thanks to those who are following and have dropped a review! __More are always welcome :)_

...

It was now up to him to save the world. Only Alistair did not quite feel like it was a world worth saving.

That was unfair, and the logical part of his brain knew it. Still, that logical part of him didn't get much say in the matter. His grief began to overwhelm him and forced him to crawl back into his shell. The witch that was accompanying them now - Alistair did not like even thinking of her name - was only making matters worse. Aedan tried to be the dutiful leader and placate the arguments between the two, but Alistair still left every conversation with her a bit more beaten up than before. It didn't help that the other Warden seemed to have a strange fascination with the witch either.

The only bright spot in his life right now was that Elissa was travelling with them, at least until they reached Redcliffe, where Aedan was still determined to leave her. At night when they made their camp, Elissa would sit with him, idly chatting about superfluous things, trying to have him join in on the conversation. Sometimes she would even succeed.

Elissa was lucky to be alive. She had ventured out of Ostagar the morning following her arrival, just as she promised Aedan, in the hopes of meeting up with Redcliffe's army. She had only traveled a bit over an hour, when she and her mabari pup, Elethea (named after some ancient relative that sounded vaguely familiar to Alistair, but he couldn't place where in history she was from) were attacked by a small group of darkspawn. While surprisingly, at least in Alistair's eyes, she claimed to have been able to hold her own against the majority of them, an Alpha revealed himself from the woods at the last minute, pushing her down and preparing to make the final blow. If it hadn't been for Morrigan and a well timed freezing spell, Elissa wouldn't have made it out alive. Injured, she sought refuge with Morrigan and Flemeth until the battle of Ostagar.

Before they ventured away from Ostagar and Flemeth's hut, they agreed on traveling to Lothering, a small village a few days north, then heading straight to Redcliffe. Aedan hoped to gain Arl Eamon's advice and support and leave his sister in caring and capable hands.

That last bit, according to Elissa, was just not going to happen.

Elissa adamantly refused to stay at Redcliffe, promising that she would travel with her brother and Alistair and aid ending the Blight. Aedan couldn't refute that her capabilities in both archery and..._ rogue-ish skills_, as he called it, would no doubt be helpful. Still, he swore to her that she would be left behind in Redcliffe, even if he had to leave in the middle of the night. Elissa only rolled her eyes. "Like that's going to stop me," Alistair heard her mutter.

They were only a few short hours outside of Lothering when they stopped to make camp. It had been dark for hours, and while Alistair reveled in the possibility of sleeping in a bed at the inn with a hot meal in belly, both the party's exhaustion and the dangers in the woods made stopping a necessity. After they finished eating, Elissa took her normal spot next to Alistair, as Aedan made his way over to Morrigan's secluded camp. She watched her brother leave, a hint of concern etched across her lovely face.

"I'm not sure how I feel about that," she muttered, though Alistair couldn't tell if she was speaking to him or to herself. "She saved my life, and Aedan's, and your's, and for that I must always be grateful. But there's something... not right." She bit her lip, looking over to Alistair. "What do you think?"

Alistair reminded himself that he should be grateful for the witches that saved his life, but he couldn't get over the fact that he should have been down there with his brothers, fighting and dying together. He still wasn't comfortable with the witch, and didn't particularly like the fact that the only other remaining Grey Warden was keeping company with the apostate. Not really wanting to voice his concerns, however, he only gave Elissa a noncommittal shrug.

He could feel Elissa staring as he looked blankly ahead, her concern neatly switching over from her brother to him. "Alistair," she whispered, though he still refused to turn his gaze towards her. "Do you want to talk about... Ostagar? The Grey Wardens?"

He shrugged again, trying to keep back his emotion. "There's not much to talk about, I'm afraid. They're all dead. I'm not. Jolly good fun for me."

She bit her lip again and turned away. A jolt of guilt coursed through Alistair. She was only trying to comfort him, to help him, and he was being a bloody arse. He bit back a sigh and rubbed his hand over his face, trying to think of something appropriate to say.

"I'm sorry I'll never get the chance to apologize to Duncan," she whispered.

Alistair snapped his head towards her, surprised by this confession. He had no idea why Elissa would have a reason to apologize to Duncan. He knew what happened now; Aedan had explained their circumstance after his joining. Aedan himself was mourning enough for the loss of his family and lands, but he was even more terrified that Elissa had witnessed all of that.

"I know Aedan told you everything, Alistair," she said, pulling him out of his still faced him, though her eyes were away from him, unfocused. "My mother and I found Father in the larder, badly wounded... mortally wounded. Duncan had brought him there... Father knew that's where we'd look for him." Her eyes misted over with tears. Alistair never had much experience with crying women (_or women in general_, his brain reminded him), and he sat frozen, unsure what to do. But Elissa continued on, either ignoring or oblivious to Alistair's discomfort.

"I was convinced that the three of us could escape together. Mother and I could have dragged Father out, and Mother would have found him the healing magic she so desperately wanted. Father told us to leave, that he would distract Howe's men... that he wouldn't survive the journey anyway. Duncan came up behind us, and told us he was right..." She trailed off, her watery eyes glistening from the firelight. "For saving him, and ensuring my mother and I to safety, Duncan request a boon... _me_... I hated him in that instant. _Hated him_. And when my mother said she would stay behind... to buy us more time..." She pawed at her eyes, furiously wiping away the tears streaking down her face. "I swore that Duncan could have saved us all. He could have carried my father out, dragged my mother away, and we would all be alive and well."

Catching Alistair's eye, who looked beyond shocked and disgusted, she shook her head. "You must understand, Alistair, my world had just been turned upside down. My father's _best friend_had his men storm the castle and kill everyone. I saw my sister-in-law lying dead beside her son. I had to drag my mother away from his body, sobbing. I watched my people, people that I had known my entire life, defending us, and falling. My knight, the one who trained me to fight, the one who was my best friend, gave his life to allow me to escape. I saw my father lying in a pool of blood... his own. I witnessed my mother put aside the rest of her life to die with the man she loved to buy her daughter more time. And suddenly, I was conscripted... no longer the daughter of a teryn, but a soldier... I was grieving, I was confused... and I took it out on Duncan." She paused again, turning away from him.

Before he realized what he was doing, Alistair reached out to Elissa, gently resting his hand on her shoulder. She sniffed and wiped her face again, and hesitantly turned towards him once more. "I told him as much, too. The night before we reached Ostagar. He didn't say anything, just let me yell and scream and curse. I still _hated_him. And then we arrived at Ostagar, and Aedan was his pig-headed self and took my place, and then sent me away, and... and I never got a chance to apologize. Or thank him." She took a deep breath, doing her best to compose herself. "Both of my parents made their decision. Perhaps if I had my way... had Duncan carry my father or drag my mother... we'd all be dead, him included." She looked to the sky as if the stars might answer her. "I'm sorry I never got that chance."

The pair sat in silence, but it didn't seem as awkward or uncomfortable anymore. Alistair's brain rattled with what she had just confessed. _Duncan_ had made his decision to fight to the death alongside the king, and _Duncan_had made the decision to send him away. If Alistair had his way and fought alongside his brothers, he would be dead too, and Aedan as the only surviving Grey Warden would be truly alone with the burden of ending the Blight.

But it was Loghain who decided to quit the field, to give up on his people. His king. That decision, in Alistair's eyes, was unforgivable.

Alistair decided, then and there, that Loghain would pay, and if he had his way, he would be the one to make him.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Hmm... I seemed to have silenced you all with that last chapter... I hope you enjoy this one! _

...

Lothering had been abysmal and downright terrible, and Alistair had even more of a reason to hate Loghain. As if abandoning the battlefield wasn't bad enough, slandering the Grey Wardens' name confirmed he was at the very top of Alistair's shit-list.

The group had tried to convince the villagers to head north before the town was ravaged. Well, Alistair and the Couslands had; Morrigan just stood around, telling him to not waste their breath. It took all of Alistair's willpower to not snap at her.

They picked up two more misfits there as well. Leliana was a Chantry sister; a pretty young woman with a quick smile. Alistair checked her off as crazy within a few moments of meeting her after hearing her speak about her dream with the Maker, but Elissa was quick to come to her defence. "Who are we to say it wasn't? And even if it isn't a sign from the Maker, like she claims," she explained to Aedan and Alistair, "we shouldn't be so quick to turn away help who so adamantly believes in our cause. We won't find assistance like this elsewhere." It seemed to go over Aedan's head, but Alistair caught Elissa's subtle uses of "we" and "our." She wasn't going to be left behind at Redcliffe if she had anything to do with it.

They also rescued Sten. Sten was... well... _terrifying_, if he had to be perfectly honest. The qunari soldier easily towered over Alistair, and Alistair was not a short man by any means. He was also as wide as Elissa, Leliana, and Morrigan put together side by side. He could see Sten having no problem destroying smaller darkspawn as if he was swatting at flies.

Then there were the dwarves, Bodahn and Sandal, if he remembered correctly. They were travelling merchants whose cart was overrun by darkspawn. He and Aedan made some sort of bargain - if the dwarves were allowed to travel with the group under their protection, they could use part of the wagon to hold their extra supplies. That would certainly be useful, especially now that they had additional members. They could now travel with tents and bedrolls more easily, and smaller luxuries like bowls and spoons were now not a hassle to carry around. Bodahn also promised a great discount on any of his wares, but Alistair wasn't going to hold his breath on that one.

The group was now on their way to Redcliffe. They were still adjusting to travelling in a larger group, and the addition of the cart of supplies slowed them down considerably, but Alistair found that he didn't mind so much. The days of walking and nights of camping felt like a dream to him; a happy dream where he was able to escape from reality.

Leliana decided quickly that Fereldens did not know how to cook and that they simply ruined all of their meals, so she put herself in charge of preparing each night's supper. Alistair was not offended in any way; his cooking rights had been revoked long ago by Aedan and Elissa (Morrigan's opinion didn't count, according to him). And now, since Leliana was busy each night preparing their meals, Alistair was able to steal nearly all of Elissa's attention.

He had been spending as much time with her as possible, assisting her with what chores she had to do that night, whether it be laundry or taking care of her bow and blades. He was drawn to her, like a moth to a flame. Alistair tried to reason with himself that it was simply because they had made some sort of connection all those nights ago, that she had been the one to draw him from the bad place he had put himself in. He tried to tell himself that it was because he had known her the longest, other than Aedan, of course. But the other Cousland twin kept himself preoccupied with Morrigan on their downtime, and Alistair did not want to spend any time with her than was strictly necessary.

Whatever his reasons, Elissa didn't seem to mind. She actually seemed to enjoy his company, as shocked as Alistair was. He had no idea how to act around women... the Chantry Sisters he grew up with were, of course, women, but they weren't _women_ (Alistair always had trouble explaining that), and there weren't any women in the Grey Wardens in his time. She always seemed to have a smile that was specially reserved for him. Logically, he knew she probably didn't, that she was just being nice. He was probably only fooling himself.

He was quite good at that, it seemed.

Alistair also tried to ignore the fact that his time with her may be limited. Elissa and Aedan seemed to get into the same heated argument every day. He swore to keep the Cousland name safe by leaving her behind, and she swore to keep her brother safe by joining their quest. Both parties attempted to involve Alistair in their heated discussions, but he never joined in. He himself was torn on what he wanted and what might be best. They might not be the same thing, anyway

The night before they reached Redcliffe, Alistair felt distinctly uncomfortable. The others knew that he grew up a bastard in Redcliffe and that he wasn't expecting a happy homecoming, but they didn't know _everything_. He knew Elissa suspected that he was hiding something, but there was no way she would see this coming. She suspected that Arl Eamon raised a bastard in his court because he was _his_ bastard. She wasn't the first one to think that, and Alistair never corrected her.

But now they were so near to Redcliffe, and he did not feel comfortable lying to her anymore. He had been trying to figure out how to tell her for days now, since they left Lothering, truthfully. There was no putting it off any longer.

"Elissa, may I speak with you for a moment? Err... away from the others?"

She raised an eyebrow questioningly, but didn't say anything as she followed him to the outskirts of camp. He caught Leliana's eye as she sat by the fire, playing her lute, and blushed at the knowing smirk she gave him. She expected... _no_, that was not happening. Thank the Maker Aedan was already preoccupied.

They stopped by the edge of the forest, just out of earshot from the camp and out of Leliana's view. Maker knew he didn't need an audience for this.

"Are you alright, Alistair?" Elissa's voice broke through the awkward silence, and Alistair ran his hand through his hair.

"I'm not sure how to tell you this... it's nothing bad! Well, no, not really. Not bad, I suppose, just..." She waited expectantly, knowing that interrupting Alistair would only delay him further. He took a deep breath and began explaining. "You already know I'm a bastard. And I know that it seems like the only logical explanation to why Arl Eamon would take in a bastard would be because I was _his_ son. But it's not true; Arl Eamon is not my father. My father..." he signed again, running his hand over his eyes. "My father was King Maric."

He couldn't look at her, but he did hear a sharp inhalation of breath. He waited for her to do something. Anything. Slap him, maybe, or yell at him angrily. Maybe even storm off, informing him that she never wanted to speak with him again. He closed his eyes, the waiting killing him.

"So you're not just a bastard, but a royal bastard?"

His head snapped up at the joke, and was surprised to see her eyes twinkling, a small smirk resting on her lips. He let out a shaky breath in a half-forced laugh, relief flooding him. "A royal bastard? I like that, I should use that more often." He sighed, forcing himself to look into her eyes, getting lost for a moment in the sea of blue-green. "I'm sorry. I should have told you earlier. I just..."

"No," she muttered, shaking her head. She looked awkward, almost uncomfortable. Alistair wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or hesitant about her uncertainty. "There hasn't really been a good time for you to come out and tell me." She looked back up at him, her eyes searching his. "Why tell me now?"

He hesitated, trying to figure out the right words to say, and he was never good at that. "It... may come up, once we're in Redcliffe. I was a pretty well-kept secret from Ferelden, but not as much in Redcliffe. I didn't want you to find out without me telling you." She bit her lip, her eyes unfocused, gazing out into the trees behind him. She got that look when she was lost in thought, and Alistair couldn't tell what she was thinking. "I know there was no good time earlier to tell you, but I should have. I guess I just liked you not knowing." Her eyes swung back to his, her eyebrow raising again. "Not that I liked lying to you! No, never that! It's just... people always treated me differently once they knew. Duncan kept me out of the fighting because of it. But I'm no prince. I was raised as a commoner, and that's all I expect to be. I didn't tell you because... I wanted you to like me_ for me_, and not some ridiculous title that I'll never have."

She smiled, though it looked a little sad. "I _do_ like you, Alistair." She sighed, looking down and just tired. "I think I understand. But... you're the last remaining Theirin..."

"No," he cut her off, more sharply than he intended. "I was made to fight; first as Templar, and now as a Grey Warden. Not to govern, or to rule..." He trailed off, and Elissa bit her lip at his sudden outburst. "Maric's blood may be in me, but I'll never be King."

Elissa nodded her head, though he could tell she didn't agree. Still, he was grateful that she wasn't pressing the issue. This wasn't the end of it, he knew.

He sighed heavily again, wishing to return to camp and to normalcy. "So that's all I had to tell you, just the... _prince_ thing. Can we go back to pretending that I'm so nobody that was too lucky to die with the rest of the Grey Wardens?"

It was a bad joke, but she grinned slyly nonetheless. She eyed him thoughtfully. "And what does that make me?" she asked playfully.

He grinned back. That was an easy answer for him.

"The reason I say I'm lucky."


	5. Chapter 5

Alistair really didn't expect Isolde to be happy to see him, but he wasn't quite expecting the hostility from her either. Especially when he stayed to help protect the village that was under _her_ protection.

It seemed that they barely had time to catch their breath from their battle with the undead in Redcliffe Village when Bann Teagan whisked them away up the hill to the windmill. He only got so far as explaining the secret passageway into the castle when Lady Isolde miraculously showed up. She brushed past them all, heading straight for Teagan and sobbed out her story. Something did not seem quite right with what she was telling them, as if she was hiding some big secret deliberately. When Elissa raised her concern, Isolde turned on the group, as if seeing them for the first time. Her response was, well... familiar to Alistair, but he saw no reason why Isolde would treat Elissa like that.

Even Elissa did lack a bit of... _tact_.

Aedan was quick to jump in, being as diplomatic as he was, and tried to get more information out of her. Isolde grew angry, asking them why they would refuse to help her son.

"Because I don't believe you."

If looks could kill, Elissa would surely be laying dead on the ground by now. Alistair felt a strange combination of fear of Isolde and pride of Elissa. Lady Cousland did not back down, and Teagan took this opportunity to intervene.

Having made their way under the lake (which unnerved Elissa to no end), battling more undead in the dungeons, then Teagan and Redcliffe's guards when they arrived in the main hall, Alistair thought that Isolde might be somewhat grateful, or at least relieved. Instead, when she wasn't looking pleadingly at Aedan for his help, she took turns glaring between Alistair and Elissa. Alistair looked down at his feet, feeling like a guilty ten year old again, but Elissa returned her harsh stare easily. He vaguely wondered if they specifically taught stern glares to noble ladies, but he knew both Leliana and Morrigan had terrifying glares of their own.

It must be a woman thing.

They stood together in the main hall, contemplating what to do with Connor. Alistair felt his heart in his throat, trying to process out all the possibilities. All he could think of was that Connor was possessed and that he was an abomination. He hated his Templar training for this, but he honestly couldn't see another way. They certainly couldn't do what the blood mage suggested. Redcliffe guards dragged up their prisoner mage after Elissa protested against her brother that he might have a better idea. She had wanted to let him free after they interrogated him in the dungeon. Aedan had offered to allow the prisoner to accompany them, but he had refused. Aedan wasn't going to allow the blood mage his freedom just because he said he was sorry. Elissa's heart was big, but it was going to get her in trouble. Especially if she wanted to trust a blood mage, of all things.

"There has to be a third option."

Aedan's voice sounded secure. He had made up his mind; he was not going to allow the death of Connor nor the sacrifice of Isolde, and he was not going to budge.

"Jowan," Elissa began, turning towards the blood mage. He looked at her, afraid, as if she was going to fault him for not providing an additional option. But her voice was kind, and a small smile tugged on her lips in an effort to comfort him. "The power that you would get from the blood magic... could that be replicated with lyrium?"

Lyrium. Alistair involuntarily shivered. Though his time using lyrium was not long, he did not ever want to go near it again.

Jowan seemed to struggle with his answer. "Well... it's not just the lyrium. You would need mages... a lot of them. And since there's only me and Mor... Morrigan..." The witch stared him down, and he hastily turned away, shaking.

Elissa wielded on her brother. "The Circle of Magi is only across the lake. We could go and ask..."

"The mages aren't just going to come to Redcliffe because we ask them," Aedan cut her off. "Besides, I doubt the Templars would even allow it." He glanced towards Alistair, who only shrugged. The mages might be willing to come to help, but it was far more likely that the Templars would take things into their own hands and kill the boy straight away. "It would not be worth the risk to leave Connor here and let the demon fully possess him!"

"You wanted a third option, here it is!" she cried angrily. "Aedan, there is no perfect solution here. Every choice you're given has a consequence. It's not going to be easy! At least this provides us the chance to save save Connor without sacrificing Isolde." She huffed, her eyes blazing. "Besides, you have to go to the Circle anyway for your treaty, or did you forget that?"

Aedan blushed, but whether it was out of embarrassment or anger, Alistair couldn't tell. He sighed, running his hand through his hair. Alistair had never seen him do that before, and idly wondered if that was a habit Aedan picked up from him.

"I will stay and protect Redcliffe," Sten's deep voice came from behind them. Alistair jumped, forgetting that the qunari was still in the room. It was eery that a person that large could move so quietly. "If, while you are at the Circle, the boy becomes fully possessed, I will end it."

Isolde whimpered in the corner, and Morrigan rolled her eyes. "Or, we use the mother." Sten merely shrugged, not particularly caring.

Aedan looked between Morrigan and Sten, then nodded. "Alistair and I will go. The rest of you, stay here and oversee what happens here. I trust your judgment to do what is necessary, but keep peace here as long as possible. We will return with the mages as soon as we can." The group nodded as Aedan turned to leave. Alistair hurried to follow him, and was not that surprised when Elissa was on his heels.

Once they left the hall, Aedan turned to speak with Alistair, but paused as he noticed Elissa close behind. "Elissa..."

"Don't be an idiot, Aedan, I'm coming with you," she retorted, stopping next to Alistair and folding her arms. Alistair smirked at the siblings' antics, but did not particularly want to get involved. Aedan opened his mouth to speak again, but Elissa held up a hand to stop him. "You think staying in a castle with a demon child running loose is safer for me than traveling a relatively short distance with two Grey Wardens?" She waited for his reply, but she actually seemed to have stumped him on that one. Alistair inwardly cringed. Aedan was diplomatic and well-spoken, and Elissa was... well, outspoken, for one. And lacked tact more often than not. Most of the time, it was one of the things that Alistair truly admired about her. "Besides, you might be the sweet talker, but you tend to... overlook certain opportunities."

Her brother had no spoken response for her, so he simply rolled his eyes and beckoned her to follow him. She grinned widely and ran to keep pace with him. "Let's face it, Aedan, it's what we always said growing up. Between the two of us, you're certainly the brawn, but I'm most definitely the brains."

* * *

Three people traveling lightly certainly made better time than a large group with a wagon full of supplies. The sun was just setting as the trio decided to make camp for the night, the lack of sleep and adrenaline finally catching up with them. Aedan set out into the woods to see if he could shoot some game with Elissa's bow, not quite relishing in the idea of letting his sister wander the forest on her own. Elissa began building up the fire while Alistair put the one tent they brought for her privacy at Aedan's insistence. She rolled her eyes at her brother's overprotection, but she knew that arguing with him on these small matters was pointless.

Alistair collapsed against a log that Elissa drew close to the fire, sitting down next to where Elissa was laying. She yawned, covering her entire face with her hands. "You know, I don't really remember the last time we slept."

He chuckled, leaning back to get a bit more comfortable. "So," he began. "You and Isolde...?"

Elissa laughed, her eyes glowing with the reflection of the fire. The red-gold of the flames did remarkable things in her sea-blue eyes... "Isolde is the definition of what a lady should be," she answered. "She's beautiful, well-kept, a wonderful hostess, and takes care of her husband, child, and household. She is the perfect lady."

Alistair raised his eyebrow at her, confused. "And you're... not?" She laughed loudly, as if it were a joke.

"'Ladies do not play with swords,'" she quoted, putting on what seemed to be a rather silly Orlesian accent.

He laughed at her, both for her accent and that ridiculous idea. "Well, it's a good thing you actually know how to use your swords, instead of just playing with them."

She smiled, leaning her head back on the log. Her eyes were closed, but Alistair knew this conversation was not over. "That's the first thing she ever said to me. I was... six, I believe." She glanced at Alistair, who patiently waited for her to continue. "My father couldn't make it to Eamon and Isolde's wedding, so he traveled a few months later to Redcliffe to offer his congratulations and to discuss some other business. What better way to celebrate than to bring the whole Cousland brood along?"

"Oh, Maker..." Alistair sighed, laughing quietly. He could only imagine what the twins were like when they were that young. Seeing how they acted now, they had to have been a handful.

"Yep, Aedan and I were terrible," she replied as if reading his mind. "Fergus was fifteen then, and had just received his first real sword. It wasn't one of the blunted practice ones, but a beautiful silverite piece. He carried it around with him everywhere. So, naturally, being a typical six year old, I wanted one too." She smiled as she looked towards the stars, remembering her childhood. "I bothered him to no end to let me play with it, but, being the smart older brother, he didn't let his baby sister play with the sharp, pointy toy.

"We arrived a day earlier than expected, so Isolde wasn't in the castle when we arrived. She returned a few hours later, when we were playing in the courtyard, and I was begging Fergus to let me play with his sword. All of a sudden, she marched up to me, grabbed my face like this," she said, reaching up and grabbing Alistair's face between her thumb and two fingers. "And said 'Ladies do not play with swords.'" She let go of his face, and though her touch had been playful and rough, he missed it.

He cleared his throat, shaking the longing for her to touch him again away. "What did you say to her?"

"'Well, then I don't want to be a lady!'" she mimicked, her voice high-pitched and nasal. The two shared a laugh, Elissa snorting in a very unladylike manner, which only made them laugh harder. "I don't think I ever saw my mother so horrified, but Father just laughed and laughed."

Alistair tried to think of where he was during her visit. He would have been eight and already banished to the stables by then, and he missed a lot of the important visitors because of that. If only Lady Isolde hadn't sent him out of the castle...

"Father eventually allowed me to start training with swords, but only after I nearly sliced my own arm off." Her voice broke him away from his thoughts, and he snapped his head towards her as she leaned forward. She rolled her sleeve up and showed him a faint white scar on the back of her arm near her shoulder. "I snuck out one night after everyone went to bed and stole one of the guard's swords. I was swinging it at a practice dummy when I overextended and dropped the handle or something..."

Alistair looked closely at the scar, wondering how she could have possibly managed to do that. "How in the Maker...?"

"I have no idea," she laughed, throwing her head back. She laughed until tears streamed down her face, which she hastily wiped away as she gave a wide yawn. "Oh, it's not even that funny. I'm just so tired that everything is hysterical."

The two sat in silence, their tiredness setting in as the sun faded away. They were startled when they heard the _thwack_ of an arrow shooting somewhere in the forest, but a triumphant yell in Aedan's voice reminded them that he was out hunting, and probably just caught something.

"Elissa?" Alistair asked sleepily. She made a noncommittal noise from beside him, and when he turned and looked at her, she was laying on her side facing him with her eyes closed. "I'm glad you're not a lady."

_Oh, no..._. He flushed red, embarrassed by his poor choice of words. _Not what I meant..._ Her eyes popped open, playfully glaring at him while she tried to suppress a smile. "Want to try that again?"

"I... I just mean... oh bother, you know what I mean." She simply laughed again and grabbed his hand in hers.

"I know."

He shifted their hands so his fingers knotted with hers. "I'm glad you're not like Lady Isolde."

Maybe he was seeing things, but he would have sworn on the Maker that she blushed in response. He didn't know if it was because his fingers playfully tugged on hers or because of his near confession, but it made him feel a bit giddy inside.

"OI! You two lazy bums slacking off already?"

Elissa sat up quickly, ripping her hand away from Alistair's, as he jumped back from her. Aedan appeared in the forest line, holding a hare and Elissa's bow. "I'm off catching us dinner and you two are lounging by the fire? How is that fair?"

"That's what you get for being our little leader," Elissa said, hastily standing up. She grabbed the hare out of her brother's hand. "Here, I'll skin this by the stream. Find the plates, will you?" With that, she hurried into the forest, not bothering to listen to Aedan's protests.

The other Grey Warden turned to Alistair with a questioning look. Alistair tried to smile and shrug, but his heart was beating wildly. The feeling didn't feel too dissimilar to being caught doing something wrong by Isolde when he was a child.

They ate their supper in peace, then Elissa bade them good night and tucked herself into her tent. Snores came from Aedan's side of the fire fairly quickly, but as tired as he was, sleep eluded Alistair. He tried to sort out exactly what he felt for Elissa, relishing in the thought that, perhaps, his feelings weren't one sided. After all, she laughed at his jokes, never was offended when he said something stupid, and she reached out to take his hand tonight...

He groaned and rolled over. This was perhaps the worse time to start falling in love with someone. At least he admitted this to himself, though it certainly did not make things any easier. Sleep finally overcame him, and for that night, he had pleasant dreams that were full of Elissa, smiling by his side.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Sad fluff, happy fluff... good ol' fluff!_

* * *

Alistair could not remember a time in his life that he ever felt happier.

He finally found the family he had always been looking for. Just like he had hoped and dreamed, his sister Goldanna welcomed him with open arms, embracing him in such a hug that he was overwhelmed by the familial love he was receiving. He vaguely felt smug about finally having a sibling to share things with, but for the life of him, could not think of why he would feel this way.

What more, Goldanna had a handful of young children, all of whom took an immediate liking to their new uncle. He sat for an entire afternoon one day with his niece on his lap at the kitchen table teaching her her letters. He let his nephews wrestle him to the ground and would throw them over his shoulders. At night, he would tell them stories of dragons and monsters and maidens in distress, and they were all highly impressed. He couldn't figure out where his inspiration came from; he had never been creative with making up stories, and it's not like he had experience with any of these things.

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and eventually, Alistair lost track of how long he had been with his family. It felt like a lifetime, and he couldn't remember where he had been before this.

Something was missing, though. He loved his nieces and nephews, but after he experienced the love of a child, he wanted to settle down with his own woman and have his own children. Goldanna would push him into the town square some afternoons, hoping that one of the young ladies there would catch his eye. He was certainly experiencing more attention from women than he was used to, but Alistair didn't mind. Still, none of the ladies that he met, lovely as they were, measured up to his expectations.

It wasn't until one afternoon, while he was watching his nephews play in the front yard, that she appeared, and Alistair realized he found exactly what he was looking for. At first, he hardly recognized her; it was if he had seen her once a long time ago, or perhaps in a dream. But as she moved closer, he saw her eyes clearly, and he could never forget those eyes.

_Elissa..._

Her eyes were more green today than her normal sea of blue, reflecting the sight of the rolling fields in the outskirts of Denerim. It felt as though everything came rushing back to him then, and he remembered that the last time he had seen her, they were just falling in love. Weren't they? He couldn't quite remember how they had met, or how they had known each other. But he remembered her fingers entwining with his, her special smile that was reserved just for him, and her eyes...

He felt his face break into a wide grin as he jogged up to meet her, hardly noticing the worried look on her face. "Elissa! Oh Maker, it's been so long! How have you been?"

She looked up at him with her big eyes and he noticed that something was not right. He was so eager and happy to see her... why wasn't she acting the same way? She looked past him at Goldanna's house, then to his nephews who had paused their wrestling to watch the newcomer. Alistair felt as though he had to explain.

"This is my sister Goldanna's house. Well, my half-sister, anyway. She has a handful of kids... they're all wonderful, really. Everything is wonderful here. I finally have the family I've always wanted." He smiled, a truly happy smile, but she was still looking around at her surroundings. He didn't like the look on her face. Feeling bold, he took a deep breath and continued on. "But something's been missing... though, now that you're here..."

Her eyes met his, now glistening with tears. He saw Goldanna in the window of the house, smiling, realizing that he found himself a girl. He smiled back at his sister and leaned forward to take Elissa's hands. He led her out of the front gate and down the road. They walked in silence, her hand still clasped in his. He ushered her to a small little cottage off the beaten path and gazed at it longingly.

"This could be for us."

He began to walk to the front door, eager to show her the perfect little house he found. But she hesitated, stopping short and dropping his hand. He turned to her and saw tears running down her face. She looked torn, but he couldn't figure out why. Everything was so simple.

He lifted his hand and wiped away her tears, surprised and encouraged that she did not back away. "We could live here, you and me. There's the Chantry just down the street... we could get married. We could stay here, happy, just you and me. And children. We could have as many as you want. We can be happy here."

Elissa bit back a sob and took a step back, wiping away her tears. She looked fearful and scared, yet still full of longing. Perhaps he was moving too quickly? Perhaps she just wasn't ready? They were both so young, after all, but Elissa probably should have been married by now anyway...

_Elissa is a Cousland..._

He shook off the encroaching thought, not understanding why it complicated things so. It was as if someone just introduced a puzzle piece to a set that didn't quite belong. Alistair simply ignored it.

"We can wait... take things slow. Where are you staying? Come back with me to Goldanna's. I want to introduce you," he whispered, stepping closer to her. He took her hand again and pulled her close. He had never really kissed a woman before, but now seemed like a good time for his first...

She jumped back unexpectedly, startling Alistair. "Alistair," she gasped, attempting to pull herself together. "None of this is real. We're in a dream."

She wasn't making any sense, and Alistair only shook his head in confusion. "Elissa, settling down with a woman like you is a dream for me, I admit. But it can happen. We're here, now. _Please..._"

"Alistair, think of how we got here. Think of where you were yesterday, last week, last month, whenever it was before you met Goldanna!" she cried. "How did we meet? Don't you remember? You're a Grey Warden... Duncan, Ostagar, Aedan..."

Pictures of what she mentioned flashed through his mind, all familiar yet none of it making sense. He remembered fighting a giant ogre with a man that looked quite like Elissa at the top of a tower; he remembered feeling like he was dying, flying above the burning Ostagar while being carried by a giant bird; he remembered a strange collection of people camping together in the middle of nowhere...

"We were in the Circle of Magi, remember? All the abominations, the Templars... we encountered a Sloth Demon. We're in the Fade!" Elissa grabbed his face, forcing him to look at her. "Please tell me you remember," she whispered.

And he did. But he didn't want to.

"Elissa," he pleaded, gently grabbing a hold of her hips. "We don't have to go. We don't have to go back to that mess. We could still stay here, have a life _here_..." But even as he said the words, he knew it wasn't true. None of this was real. None of this _could_ be real.

He took a step back from her, resolve settling in. He was about to ask her how to get out of here, when a familiar voice came screeching from behind him. He whirled around, noticing out of the corner of his eye that Elissa had drawn her daggers. _Where did those come from?_

"HE IS MINE! YOU WILL NOT TAKE HIM AWAY FROM HERE!" Alistair shivered as cold fear ran through his veins. It was Goldanna's form, but a deep, sinister voice. Though the longer he looked at her, the more inhuman she looked... her eyes had turned a deep red, her fingers and nails seemed to have grown to nearly talons, and her mouth had twisted into a terrifying grin.

"He will not stay here," Elissa said, moving forward in front of Alistair. "He is coming with me." She twirled quickly, her blades cutting deep into both her chest and neck. No blood spurted from the wounds as it should have, and the vision of gaping flesh with no blood unnerved Alistair like nothing he had experienced before. Still, the demon fell, raising its arms up in an attempt to struggle, but failing under Elissa's quick hacks.

The surrounding area began to mist, and soon even Elissa was difficult to see, even though she stood only a short distance away from him. Soon, he could only see her eyes, glowing through the fog. Her voice was barely above a whisper, but he heard it clearly.

_"I'm so sorry, Alistair."_

* * *

He probably shouldn't be that embarrassed. According to Aedan, they all went through their own dreams and nightmares, and he wasn't the only one who had difficulty escaping his. The other Grey Warden had successfully broken out of his nightmare and went on to rescue Wynne from her's. The two of them sat by the hearth in the main hall of Redcliffe Castle now, telling their companions of their experiences with the Fade, though only Leliana seemed to be truly interested. Elissa escaped to her room, claiming fatigue and exhaustion. She ensured her companions that they ought not to worry about her, all she needed was a good night's rest. Alistair caught her expression as she turned to leave, though she avoided eye contact with any of them. Exhausted as she might be, she didn't look like she'd be getting rest tonight.

Alistair felt the same way.

Shortly after Elissa bade them good night, Alistair set off on his own as well, though he had no intentions of returning to his room right away. He knew the secrets to this castle better than anyone, having caused enough mischief there when he was younger. He set out for what used to be his secret spot. It was simply a secluded balcony off of one of the smaller bedrooms that was rarely used. In his youth, it had allowed him to escape Isolde for periods of time, until she finally banished him to the stables.

He leaned over the balcony, allowing the cool air from the lake to blow across his face. Even after all these years, it still relaxed him. It had always been his escape from the real world, and it seemed like it would continue to be. Alistair wasn't quite eager to get back to real life.

He didn't really know how he'd ever look Elissa in the eye again.

It was embarrassing enough that he couldn't figure out it was a dream he was stuck in; that the demon made him believe everything was real. He had been so desperately caught up with the idea of finally having a family, and possibly of having Elissa all to himself, that he had been completely blinded. For Maker's sake, he had _proposed_ to her.

"You're not really an easy person to find."

Alistair whirled around only to see the one person that was haunting his thoughts standing in the doorway. She set forward, coming to stand beside him and survey the water. Alistair tore his gaze from her, and the pair stood in silence for a while.

He was torn. He wanted her to go and leave him be, embarrassed by his dream that involved her. On the other hand, her presence brought a quiet comfort, something that only Elissa seemed to be able to achieve. He wanted to say something, but couldn't figure out what could be appropriate to say. He prayed that she would say something to break the tension, but she seemed content to watch the calm waves in the lake.

"Elissa... about what you saw..." he began, purposely not turning his gaze to her. But she shook her head and cut him off.

"Alistair, please, you don't have to..." she sighed, her hands beginning to unbraid her hair. It was more of a nervous habit than anything, simply something to keep her hands busy. "That demon made us see whatever could make us stay there, so that it could control us. Don't feel bad that it tricked you."

That didn't make him feel any better. Both she and her brother were able to escape from their visions, so why couldn't he? But then, as he realized, he had no idea what Elissa dreamed about. "How did you do it?" he asked her. "How did you get out of your dream?"

She stood silently beside him, as if she hadn't heard him. But he knew she had. She didn't share her dream with the others; it was something that she had wanted to keep private. Alistair remained patient. She would tell him if she wanted, and he hoped she would. Eventually, she blew out a sigh and dropped her head down.

"Your dream was... something possible. Something you could aspire to. It's something that you want and something you deserve. Mine... mine was just a fantasy. Reliving a false past. Perhaps how things should have been if life was at all fair." She paused, taking a deep, steadying breath. "There are some things you just can't forget, no matter how hard a demon tries."

She fell silent, staring with unseeing eyes at the water below. Alistair felt a pang of guilt; he didn't want to cause her pain. Still, his curiosity was piqued, and he found himself asking, even though perhaps he should not have. "Will you tell me? Please?"

Elissa looked at him, her eyes full of turmoil. He knew she understood his want of a family... her dream must have been about hers as well. She nodded, then turned her head back to the water.

"I was home, in Highever, and everything was exactly how it used to be," she began, looking far off into the distance but not seeing anything. "My family was celebrating... apparently I had finally picked a suitor." She blushed red, and Alistair felt his stomach drop. He was curious as to why Elissa was never married at her age, or at least betrothed, but he never broached the subject with her. "My mother was besides herself; I don't think I ever saw her that excited. My father was happy to see that I would be taken care of. Aedan joked that my betrothal would finally get Thomas Howe off my back... but at the mention of the Howes, I remembered how things actually were." She brushed a stray tear from her eye and bit her lip. "Realizing was hard. Escaping was harder."

Alistair suddenly remembered the ending of his own dream. Elissa had essentially killed his sister for him; he knew it was a demon, but it was still in the form of Goldanna. She must have had to fight off her entire family...

Awkwardly, he put his arm around her, and she leaned into the embrace. She didn't cry, but she clung to him. They stood there, for how long, Alistair was not sure. He was at least content that he was able to provide her with some of the comfort that she always gave him

After what seemed like hours, she pulled away and leaned back on the balcony. Alistair turned and stood beside her, and she rested her head on his shoulder. "I wanted to stay too, you know," she whispered.

"Where?" he asked, becoming a bit drowsy.

"In the Fade. With my family... with your family... I was engaged to you, in my dream." Alistair flushed at her confession, though he had a very difficult time keeping a grin off of his face. He glanced down at her, and noticed that her eyes were closed. She seemed to almost be asleep on her feet, using his shoulder as a pillow. "You weren't a bastard, but Maric's true second son. That betrothal wouldn't have been unreasonable... if life was fair."

He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. Perhaps life wasn't fair, but at least the company wasn't all that bad.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: So I've noticed that some of my breaks have mysteriously disappeared in a few chapters... but they're there in the edit/view mode. Hmm... I'll try to fix those!_

* * *

The road to Denerim was a long one.

They had agreed to at least entertain the idea of Andraste's Ashes actually existing by speaking with Brother Genitivi. Alistair knew Teagan was right; Arl Eamon would not have granted any attention to such folly unless there was a possibility of it existing, supported by academic research. Still, not all the companions were pleased about their rather large detour.

Leliana was more concerned about actually being within the walls of the capital city. "Loghain is after you, no? You and Alistair are wanted men," she said one night as they sat around the campfire. They were only two days outside Redcliffe, but already Leliana was getting antsy. "Isn't it going to be quite dangerous to step within the capital city? We have enough of a difficult time in the villages, far away from Denerim."

Aedan shook his head. "Denerim is large enough that we should be able to blend in fairly easily," he said, soothing her concerns. "We'll be fine, as long as we're careful who we speak to and what we say." He gave his sister a pointed look. Elissa only shrugged in response.

Alistair could tell Elissa held her own concerns about venturing to Denerim. They had heard rumors throughout various villages that Loghain named Howe the Arl of Denerim and recognized him as the Teryn of Highever. The Couslands were seething mad, and Alistair was concerned Elissa may do or say something that would get her into trouble. He vowed to keep a watchful eye on her, only to make sure she remained safe.

That's what he told himself, anyway.

Funds were running low, so the companions at least agreed that they would have to find some way to earn a bit of spare coin during their stay in the city. Doing that while keeping a low profile was going to be difficult, but Aedan was optimistic. He thought that, perhaps, they could begin clearing the Grey Warden name.

"Look at Redcliffe," he explained to Alistair one night. "They must have heard all of the rumors and the blasphemy about us. But they were going through a difficult time, and we saved them! They'll forever be grateful to us."

"Are you hoping that Denerim is going through some tremendous turmoil just so we can save it?" Alistair asked, only half joking. Still, Aedan's eyes grew serious.

"It is already. It's called being ruled by Loghain and Howe." Alistair could not disagree. "Obviously we can't just storm the castle and take care of the two of them. But Denerim is a city, and like all cities, it has its own problems. Crime, corruption, thugs... if we can change some people's lives for the better, then maybe we can garner up more support."

They arrived at Denerim mid-morning, and set up their camp among other refugees. They _almost_ blended in, though none of the other refugees were quite as well armed and armored. Or half-dressed mages. Still, Aedan and his companions felt comfortable enough to stay there for the time being.

"Once we get the camp set up, we'll venture into the city." Aedan directed. "Morrigan, Wynne, Sten, stay at the camp to guard. Leliana, you and I will head to the armory to see what kind of prices they'll charge for our repairs. Elissa, Alistair, head to the tavern to see if you can pick up any rumors or information."

As soon as the tents were up, Elissa and Alistair made their way into the city. Alistair felt jumpy as he looked around the market square. Not because of the guards, but because of a particular house he knew should be around here... Finally, his eyes came to rest on a small cottage on the outskirts of the market. He halted, and Elissa bumped into him from behind.

"Alistair? You alright?" she asked, coming to stand beside him. He didn't... _couldn't_ answer her. She followed his line of vision and looked to the little house. "What is it?"

He ran his hand through his hair, unsure of how to bring this up. After their discussion of the Fade, they never brought up their dreams again. Elissa never asked about his sister, and he never volunteered any more information. The dream played again and again through his mind; he still vividly remembered the feeling of being loved and accepted by his sister, even though he knew it was all fake. He still longed to feel that again, and to have it be real would mean everything.

"Uh, that's my sister's house," he muttered, pointing to the cottage. Elissa looked confused for a moment, but her face quickly changed to a look of understanding.

"Do you want to visit with her for a bit?"

"Um, maybe... well yes, but..." he sighed, rubbing his eyes. "She doesn't know about me," he said rapidly. Elissa raised an eyebrow, not quite understanding. "Well, at least I don't think she does. I've never met her before... I only discovered I had a sister when I lived in Denerim. I don't know what happened to her. I just..."

"Alistair," Elissa murmured, a small smile playing on her lips. "Go and meet her. I can go collect information from the tavern by myself. You deserve to have your family."

Alistair smiled slightly, though it probably looked more like a grimace. "Ah, yes, well... would you come with me?" he asked, rushing his words so that Elissa barely understood him. She tilted her head, as if considering. "Please?"

"Don't you want to meet her on your own?" she questioned. Alistair shifted uncomfortably, glancing back at the house. "I'm not saying no," she continued, and he let out a sigh of relief. "If you really want me to come... of course I will. I'd love to meet your sister. But if you want to meet with her alone... you know, catch up, just say the word and I'll leave you be."

He grabbed her hand in thanks, and she gave him a reassuring squeeze. Unwillingly, he dropped it as they made their way to Goldanna's, but was comforted by her presence at his side. At last, he could have a family of his own.

* * *

Alistair's heart felt unusually heavy that night.

He sat on the outskirts of camp, far away from everyone else. It was chillier away from the fire, but Alistair didn't care. He simply wanted to be alone, and that took precedence over everything else.

Alistair and Elissa left Goldanna's house stunned. For a few minutes, Alistair ranted about the entire situation being unbelievable, though, perhaps for the first time, Elissa had nothing to say. She stood gaping at her companion, torn between being angry at the shrew for her harsh words and sympathetic for her friend. Only muttering an apology, she took Alistair's arm and led him to the tavern. She sat him down at a secluded table and bought him a pint, and left him to find what information she could.

She joined him a short while later, carrying two pints and placing a new one in front of him. He grunted his thanks, and Elissa only nodded. She understood he didn't want to talk just yet, and he appreciated it.

Aedan and Leliana joined them shortly after, and Elissa animatedly discussed the news she discovered, her fake enthusiasm attempting to hide Alistair's sour disposition. She fooled her brother easily enough, but Leliana was not convinced, eying Alistair worryingly.

Once they returned to their camp, they went about their business. Alistair volunteered to collect more firewood for the camp as an excuse to have some time alone. It didn't take long though, so he set himself in a self-imposed exile, outside of the campfire circle.

The others left him well enough alone, though he noticed them all throwing curious glances his way. Aedan stood up and began making his way towards him at one point, put Leliana grabbed his arm, shaking her head slightly. He sighed and sat back down, and Alistair felt the slightest pang of guilt.

He was just getting ready to make his way into his tent when Elissa came out of the shadows and sat by his side. She didn't say anything, only followed his gaze and stared into the trees. Eventually, her voice, quiet as a mouse, broke the silence. "I'm sorry how things went today."

Alistair snorted, though nothing was funny. His anger was inexplicable and only arose when Elissa had made her way over to him. He felt like punching something... that tree that stood out from the forest perhaps would work. He stood and angrily strode towards the forest. He didn't know if he was angered further or relieved when Elissa followed him.

Once they were within the trees, he stopped short, fuming. His breathing was heavy, and he could just make out the crunching of leaves from Elissa's footsteps behind him. She gingerly laid a hand on his arm. "I know how much having a family means to you..."

He whirled on her, seething. "No, you don't Elissa! You have no idea how I feel!" he yelled. He knew, deep down, that she was undeserving of his anger, that she was only trying to comfort him. Goldanna was the one who deserved it. But Goldanna wasn't here, and Alistair needed to let it go. "You grew up loved... taken care of! You have no idea what it was like for me. You _had_ your family! I..." He broke off, realizing what he said. Elissa's eyes shifted down, and Alistair covered his face with his hands. "Elissa... I'm so sorry..."

"Alistair, no," she whispered, looking back up at him. He stared at her as her mouth twisted up into a sad smile. "I had my family's love growing up, it's true. No matter what happened to me, I always knew that I would be taken care of. But my family and home are gone, Alistair, I know that. I know that I'll never experience they're love again until I too am dead, and I hope that doesn't happen for a very, very long time." She stepped forward and took Alistair's hands in hers. He looked to their entwined hands, ashamed to look her in the eye. "But if I was to live the rest of my life thinking that Aedan was the only family I had left... that would be a very lonesome life indeed."

She laced her fingers with his, tugging him closer, and he hastily stepped forward. She gently grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. "I've learned that you have to find your family where you can. This is our family now... our crazy group here. You have to realize how special you are to us, Alistair, and how much we appreciate you and care for you and lo-love you..." She leaned forward even more, wrapping her arms around his waist and settling her head underneath his chin. He pulled her close, hugging her tightly. Tears welled in his eyes, a mixture of sadness for what he didn't have and a sudden appreciation for what he did.

She looked up at him without stepping back. "Your heart is so big... you must know how amazing you are. But everyone is out for themselves, Alistair. You should learn that."

Her words made his heart heavier, but she was right. Except... "You're not," he whispered.

Elissa chuckled. "We'll, I've always been the odd one out." He kissed her forehead, then rested his cheek on the top of her head.

Later, they made their way back to the campfire. Leliana's face lit up when she saw that it was Elissa who brought Alistair backed to the group, and she excitedly whispered something to Wynne. Elissa simply rolled her eyes and bade them all goodnight. Slowly, they all began to crawl into their tents, except for Alistair and Aedan, who drew first watch.

As the night slowly went on, Alistair apologized to Aedan, explaining what had happened. His Grey brother only nodded while he listened, and shook off his apology. "Elissa's right, you know. We're all a rag-tag family now." Alistair laughed and agreed.

The pair sat in silence that Aedan broke only at the end of their shift. Alistair stood to raise Sten for second watch, when Aedan's question caught him completely off guard.

"You're in love with my sister, aren't you?"

Alistair stumbled over the log that he had been sitting on, staring blankly at Aedan. Were you supposed to admit that sort of thing to a girl's brother? He tried to say something... _anything_, if only to show Aedan that he wasn't a complete idiot.

Aedan only chuckled with a slight grimace on his face. He shrugged his shoulders as he made his way towards Morrigan's fire. "I just don't want to hear it."


	8. Chapter 8

They were still no closer to finding a cure for Arl Eamon, but Alistair could not classify their trip to Denerim as a complete waste of time.

Brother Genetivi was mysteriously missing, only to be replaced by a man that was certainly not his assistant. The man had been a mage who had attempted to kill them in the name of Andraste. After searching through the small house and finding books on dragon cults and a roughly drawn map to a small village called Haven, it was decided that visiting the Frostback Mountains would be their next step.

Once they could figure out how to afford it, that was.

Alistair was beginning to realize how different the two siblings truly were. Aedan had them fighting off bandits and thugs that had been harassing the city for ages, and in turn they were paid handsomely by the city guard. During these adventures, Aedan more often than not opted to leave Elissa behind, claiming her safety was more important. She would roll her eyes and sneak behind them anyway, saving their lives on more than one occasion with her skill with her bow.

Elissa, when not purposefully being left behind by her brother, preferred to business with more... risque characters. She was adamant that she would not cause harm to someone undeserving; mostly, she was paid to pickpocket and steal from the wealthy who seemed to have no clue of the turmoil right in their backyard. She was often accompanied by Leliana and, surprisingly, Morrigan. Alistair went with her once when she had needed someone to stand around and look intimidating, but that was the extent of help he could offer. He wasn't particularly known for his covertness.

After three weeks of working in Denerim, they were able to repair and purchase necessary armor and weapons and restock on much needed supplies. They even saved up enough coin so that they would be able to restock again in Haven and make it back to Redcliffe without extending their stay. They also managed to make new allies with the city guard and rogue-ish fiends alike, building the support that Aedan desperately wanted. All in all, they left Denerim in high spirits.

Until the assassin showed up.

They had just begun their second day of travelling when a hysterical woman ran up to them, sobbing and covered in blood. Aedan and Alistair followed her immediately, drawing their swords and shields. Leliana cried out to them, wanting them to wait until they could assess the situation, but it was of no use. She shared a concerned look with Elissa, and the two chased after them, leading the rest of their group.

The scene that greeted them was... disconcerting, at the very least. A wagon that was tipped over, goods strewn everywhere, slaughtered animals... and a lone figure standing with his back to them. Slowly, he turned around and gave the men a sadistic smile. Softly, so much so that Alistair strained to hear him, he whispered, "The Grey Wardens die here."

Alistair heard an arrow arrow fly by his ear at watched as it whizzed by the man's head. It should have killed him, but the man ducked out of the way with unnatural speed and grace, and only chuckled at the attempt. Out of the corner of his eye, Alistair saw Elissa's eyes go wide, then she snarled and notched another arrow. With a quick flick of his wrist, brutes with huge swords and archers with wicked bows appeared out of nowhere. The hysterical woman was no longer sobbing, but grinning wildly as a ball of flame began forming between her hands.

Alistair's templar sensibilities went into overdrive as a freeze spell blew over his shoulder and engulfed the woman before she had the chance to send the fireball anywhere, and he was quick to swipe at the frozen woman with his sword. The assassin disappeared from Alistair's side and moved towards Aedan, and the pair was quick to busy themselves in battle. Before Alistair could make his way over to his friend, he was knocked neatly off his feet. He rolled over just in time to see the thug raise his sword above his head, when suddenly an arrow protruded from the center of his chest. The man cried out, and Alistair took the time the distraction granted to jump to his feet and quickly behead his enemy. He shot a grateful look to Elissa, but saw that she was being overpowered by yet another thug.

He ran towards her, bashing his shield into an oncoming foe as he passed. A furious animal instinct took over as he tackled the man, his sword and shield forgotten. Elissa dropped her bow and grabbed a dagger from her boot, stabbing it into the man's neck. With her free hand, she helped Alistair up, and the two surveyed the scene around them. Wynne stood off to the side, casting healing spells on her companions when needed, though the ground around her shook as rocks began flying freely, pelting the oncomers with an incredible force. Morrigan cast a quick lightning spell at an unfortunate archer who had been aiming for Aedan.

The other Grey Warden was still locked in combat with the assassin, and upon closer examination, Alistair realized the man was actually an elf. It was clear that Aedan could easily overpower him, but the elf was so quick that Aedan could barely touch him. Elissa raised her bow, but the two men were moving too quickly, Elissa was afraid of hitting her brother instead. Finally, from what seemed to be by sheer luck, Aedan slammed his shield into the elf's head, effectively knocking him out cold.

He stood, looking down at the elf, breathing heavily from the exertion. The companions gathered around him, Wynne casting final healing spells to those who needed it. As they approached him, Elissa reached up and put her hand on her brother's shoulder. He jumped at her touch, as if coming out of trance, but he put his arm around his sister, pulling her into a hug. Alistair approached him on his other side, patting his friend on the arm.

Aedan shifted uncomfortably, not tearing his gaze from the knocked out assassin. "Did you hear what he said?" he muttered quietly towards Alistair. Alistair nodded, sensing his unease. "They're really coming after us," Aedan whispered. The air around the companions as they circled their leader stiffened. "We shouldn't be surprised, I suppose. I didn't expect Loghain to let us wander about Ferelden, especially after everything we did in Denerim." He heaved a heavy sigh. "Tie him up. I want a bit more information from him before we kill him."

* * *

Turns out that Aedan didn't want to kill the assassin. Nor did the other companions. Except Alistair. Alistair wanted that smarmy bloke dead.

Forget about the fact that the elf tried to kill them all by setting up an elaborate trap and hiring a dozen people to help him. And the fact that he was hired by the two most powerful men in Ferelden. And the fact that he was an Antivan Crow, part of arguably the greatest assassin's guild in Thedas.

The elf was _infuriating_. He was constantly propositioning someone in the camp, telling them how stunning they were or offering to warm their bedrolls in the evening. He only avoided hitting on Sten, and considering he was a lithe as Sten's broadsword, that was probably for the best.

While the other companions had varying opinions of Zevran, as Alistair learned his name to be, they almost all agreed that keeping him around would be more than useful. The only other person who seemed to agree with Alistair was Morrigan, ironic as it was to finally have something to agree on. Even the threat of freezing off certain body parts didn't keep the elf away, and Alistair was waiting for the day that Morrigan would follow through on her threat.

Even Elissa didn't seem to mind the elf, laughing at his innuendos and jokes. She wasn't exactly leading him on, but she certainly wasn't pushing him away. She had pulled her bow on him again during his interrogation after he had called her a "beautiful sex-goddess" (Alistair had used all of his willpower to not smash his head in right then and there), but now she sat by him at the fire, giggling at whatever he was saying with Leliana.

Aedan stood beside his friend, stuck between annoyance at the elf for so blatantly hitting on his sister and amusement at Alistair's expense. Aedan himself had nearly struck Zevran down earlier in the day when he was teaching Elissa the proper stance to hold her daggers. Zevran had circled around Elissa, repositioning her by holding onto her waist, hips, even her thigh at one point. Elissa rolled her eyes at Zevran, but glared Aedan down to keep him away. She insisted that the elf was helping her, no matter how hands-on he had been.

Alistair saw red when Zevran reached to tuck Elissa's hair behind her ear, only slightly mollified when she leaned away from him. Still, the elf took no offence, and only moved in closer to whisper in her ear.

"Zevran!"

Alistair sagged in relief as the elf jumped away from Elissa, surprised at Aedan's insistent call. He raised his eyebrow at their leader but made no move to stand up. Aedan cleared his throat. "I wish to speak with you. I'd like to learn more about the Crows, if you'd be so kind."

Alistair had no idea how Aedan could seem so polite to the man when he was clearly crossing boundaries with his sister, but he didn't particularly care. If Aedan could effectively move Zevran away from Elissa, then that was all that mattered.

Zevran sighed and stood up, muttering under his breath in Antivan while making his way to Aedan. As soon as he moved to the other side of the camp, Alistair hurried to Zevran's vacant spot next to Elissa. He stood awkwardly above her and Leliana, trying to think of what to say. The bard chuckled and excused herself, saying that she needed to speak with Wynne. Alistair was grateful for Leliana's absence; he only wished that she did not make it so obvious every time he came to speak with Elissa.

She smiled up at her friend, seemingly oblivious to his annoyance at Zevran, though the hint of mischief in her eye told him differently. He returned her smile nervously and cleared his throat. "Uh, do you, um... would you... care to go on a walk with me?"

He thought he saw her eyes light up, but perhaps that was simply a trick of the light. Still, her smile widened as she nodded. She held her hand out, waiting for Alistair to help her up, and he gladly took her extended hand, happy for any excuse to touch her. He held her hand for a bit longer than necessary as they made their way out of the camp.

They found a clearing by the stream that was lit well enough by the full moon and residual light from the fire at camp. Though she had dropped his hand when they had made it to the edge of the camp, but as they approached the stream, she slipped her arm through his. They stood in a comfortable silence, staring at nothing in particular, until he felt his gift for her burning a hole in his pocket.

He gently pulled away from her and took the piece of cloth out in the open. "Do you know what this is?" he asked, holding it out for her to take. She raised her eyebrows suspiciously at him as she took it out of his hands. Carefully, she unwrapped the package to reveal a rose.

It was absolutely exquisite. The petals were a deep, blood red color, with blue-purple veins like vines across the petals. It glistened as if still fresh with morning dew, reflecting the light from the moon and stars above. Elissa gently ran her finger over a petal that was softer than any of the finest fabrics she ever wore, and she marveled at its magnificence. The stem was cut low already, and any signs of thorns had been carefully whittled away.

A smile tugged on her lips, and she glanced slyly back up at Alistair. "Is this your new weapon of choice?"

He burst out laughing, any awkwardness he felt while waiting disappearing in an instant. "Yes, that's right. Watch as I thrash our enemies with the mighty power of floral arrangements! Feel my thorns, darkspawn! I will overpower you with my rosy scent!" He cleared his throat awkwardly again, tugging at his own hands to keep them from running through his hair. So much for being romantic, he thought, cursing his over-dramatic ways. "Or, you know," he muttered quietly, looking down at his hands. "It could just be a rose. I know that's pretty dull in comparison."

At closer inspection, the rose seemed to have a slightly weathered look to it, as if it had been handled quite a bit for an extended period of time. It did not take away from its beauty in the slightest, and Elissa grinned at the thought of Alistair holding on to it for so long. "You've been thumbing this rose for a while now," she said, carefully running her finger over a petal. She looked up at Alistair, taking note of the blush that ran across his cheeks and down his neck.

His lips quirked in a slight smile as he nodded. "I picked it in Lothering. I remember thinking, how could something so beautiful exist in a place with so much despair and ugliness? I probably should have left it alone, but I couldn't. The darkspawn would come and their taint would just destroy it. So... I've had it ever since."

She held it under her nose to inhale its scent. It still held its natural smell of a fresh-picked rose, but it also held one that was distinctly Alistair. That only made sense, considering he had been carrying it around for months now. "That's a nice sentiment," she whispered, extending her hand out to him, returning the precious flower.

He reached out with his own hands, but instead of taking the flower, he tightened her hand around its stem. "I thought I might... give it to you," he said, pleased to see her face flush. "In a lot of ways, I think the same thing when I look at you."

She covered his hand with her free one, tracing his knuckles with her thumb. "What, that I'm a delicate flower, easily crushed if not taken care of properly?" she teased, knowing that was not what he meant.

"Not in the slightest," he chuckled. "I know you better than that. I just thought, here I am doing all this complaining, and you haven't exactly been having a good time of it, yourself. You have done so much for us... for me... and I just wanted to tell you how... well..." he paused, losing his nerve. She reached up and gently placed her hand on his cheek, raising his gaze to her eyes. "I wanted you to know what a rare and wonderful thing you are to find amidst all this…darkness."

Her face turned an adorable shade of pink, contrasting with the deep red of the petals that she still held near her face. She bit her lip, though her smile was wide. "I, um..." she giggled nervously, and Alistair could not believe that he had rendered speechless. "Thank you, Alistair," she whispered.

"So... you like it?" he asked, wanting that confirmation.

"I love it," she said, moving her hand from his cheek and down to his shoulder. She took a step closer, and Alistair's hands automatically went to her waist. His heart pounded as he watched her eyes flicker down to his lips.

He let out a deep chuckle, surprised at the husky quality of his own laugh. "I'm glad," he murmured, brushing a piece of hair away from her face. "Now, if we could move right on past this awkward and embarrassing stage and get right to the steamy bits, I'd appreciate it."

Her eyes went wide in surprise, and she took a small step backwards shaking her head. Alistair cursed himself again... _what in the Maker made me say something like that?_ He opened his mouth, eager to say something to make up for his bumbling words, but nothing came to mind.

There was humor in her eyes, and she laughed as she turned her back on him. "And you were doing so well, too," she chuckled as she made her way back to camp, and blindly followed after her, kicking himself.

But at least she was still clutching his rose.


	9. Chapter 9

They found Haven at the top of the Frostback Mountains, a small, secluded, and quite frankly, _creepy_ little town.

Alistair had felt a distinctly chilling feeling when they reached the town borders that he knew had nothing to do with the freezing temperature. The guard glared at them with heavy eyes and attempted to convince them to leave. Aedan, ever the diplomat, smiled through the man's rudeness and insisted that they at least visit the general store to barter and trade. Grudgingly, the guard agreed, swearing that they would leave once they were done. Though Aedan's smile was convincing, Alistair did not miss how his hand hovered close to his sword's hilt.

The onslaught of attacks from the inhabitants of Haven creeped Alistair out more than tested his strength; the villagers were barely armed and armored. The assaults vaguely reminded him of when the villagers attacked them in Lothering. But those farmers had been driven to sheer desperation by events they had no control over. These lunatics wanted nothing more than their group dead (and, most likely, sacrificed), so Alistair felt less guilty about cutting them down.

Aedan and the others had been relieved to find Brother Genitivi. He was injured, but alive, and was able to assist them to the entrance of the Temple. The man was ecstatic to have warriors accompany him for part of his journey, but had refused to enter more than the main room of the temple, opting to study the walls for its ancient history they possessed.

The lone figure at the end of a tunnel had chilled Alistair the most. Aedan led his companions forward, all still clinging to their weapons, expecting an attack at any moment. The Guardian simply smiled, and began asking a series of probing and personal questions.

"Aedan Cousland, did you do your duty as the youngest son of Brice and Eleanor Cousland by taking your sister's rightful place in the Grey Wardens, or should you have led your army in Ostagar? Or, perhaps, should you have been home, saving Highever from Howe's treachery?"

Aedan stood motionless, his mouth gaping at the Guardian. Elissa glanced between the figure and her brother, perhaps waiting for the answer herself. The companions were silent, and Alistair held his breath in his wait. Aedan raised his chin high and set his jaw in its familiar setting, and Alistair knew he had made up his mind. "My duty as a Cousland is to protect my people, and to do that, I had to ensure a Cousland would survive this ordeal. I did right by taking Elissa's place in the Order."

The Guardian nodded his approval, and turned to look at his sister. Alistair felt Elissa tense up, preparing for whatever the Guardian could ask her.

She apparently was not prepared for the emotional response the question gave.

At the mentioning of abandoning her mother and leaving her father to die, Elissa's eyes welled up, and she automatically took a step backwards. She stared at the Guardian, shocked at his question. Biting back a sob, she spoke.

"I should have forced my mother to come with me, or dragged my father though the tunnel to escape," she choked out. "Or else I should have died with them!"

Alistair automatically reached for her, but Aedan wrapped his arms around her first, muttering comforting words in his sister's ears. Elissa let out a sob, and the Guardian only nodded his approval again and turned his gaze on Alistair.

His question reopened old wounds he thought had healed. He admitted, painfully, that he would have rather died in Duncan's place. Duncan would have known what to, and Aedan would not have been left blindly wandering Ferelden.

The Guardian moved on, but Alistair didn't listen to the rest of the questions he asked his companions. He felt Elissa's watery gaze on him for a moment, but he stared adamantly at the ground. The Guardian finally stepped aside, allowing them to pass. "The way is open. Good luck and may you find what you seek."

The group quietly made their way into the next hall, each looking shamefully at their feet. Though Alistair couldn't quite remember what the Guardian had asked each of them, he knew he was not alone in feeling as horrid as he did from the memories and doubts the questions had dredged up.

A small, cold hand slipped into his, and he turned to see Elissa standing beside him. Gently, she squeezed his hand and tugged him along. She didn't smile, as she so often did, but her presence made him feel like at least he was understood. He followed her, knowing that she would guide him.

* * *

Alistair was not quite sure what to make of the scene in front of him.

He knew that his friends were standing by his side, but there they were, in front of him. And there _he_ was, across the room. He felt his stomach drop.

This was not going to be easy.

Unexpectedly, the fake companions sprinted across the room, and he heard his own familiar battle cry falling from his shadow's lips. The companions did not have the appropriate time to prepare, and soon the room fell into chaos. Everywhere Alistair looked, he saw double of his companions, and he had difficulty making out who was real and who was fake.

Suddenly, Elissa jumped in front of him, but the hatred and cruelty in her eyes told him immediately it was her shadow. Alistair stood in a defensive stance, preparing to defend himself, but he had no idea how he could possibly attack her. He _knew_ that this was an evil spirit in her form and would have no qualms about harming him; still, the image of him hurting the woman he loved did not sit well with him.

Out of nowhere, Elissa's shadow was tackled by the very real Elissa. It was a strange sight to see, two identical Elissa's battling on the ground. He wanted to assist somehow, but he lost sight of the real Elissa during their scuffle. Behind him, Zevran's shadow attempted to make a stab at his back, so Alistair was forced to tear his gaze from the Elissa's and defend himself against the fake Zevran.

Beside him, the real Leliana was defending herself against a snarling Aedan. As Alistair lunged at his own opponent, he swung his shield and bashed the shadow of his brother. Leliana shot him a grin of thanks and finished him on her own. Alistair then focused his attention on the fake Zevran.

He finished his battle with a well-timed spell from Wynne, and worryingly turned his gaze back to Elissa. Right at that moment, he turned to see one of the Elissa's stand over the other. The one laying on the ground showed sincere fear in her eyes, and Alistair was just reaching to intercede when the standing Elissa swung her sword down. The blade caught her in the stomach, and blood began oozing out of the wound.

He stood in shock, his sword and shield raised, unsure if he was about to be attacked and fervently hoping that it was the real Elissa that was standing, and not laying near dead on the ground. Slowly, the Elissa turned to face Alistair, daggers still raised and poised to attack. Alistair gulped, terrified, but relief flooded through him as recognition crossed through Elissa's eyes, and a small smile found its way onto her lips. The bloody figure on the floor began to fade, and Elissa raced into Alistair's awaiting arms, gripping him tightly.

They looked around, relieved to see all of their companions alive and well. Wynne made her way over to them and quickly healed the gash on Alistair's arm he didn't realize he had, and stopped the bleeding from Elissa's nose. Aedan was laughing good-naturedly with Zevran, and even Morrigan, who stood off to the side waiting for everyone, cracked a smile. Alistair had no idea what could possibly be so funny in a situation like this, but the relief was overwhelming and the good feeling contagious.

That good mood, at least for Alistair, only lasted until they reached the final chamber.

They stood for a few moments in a revered silence; even Sten and Morrigan, who were not believers of the Chantry nor the Maker, were astounded by the importance of the room. Aedan cautiously took a step forward, and a wall of flames flew before him. He jumped back, shocked at the new barrier. He shared a confused look with Alistair - how in the Maker's name were they supposed to cross through a wall of fire?

Elissa and Leliana made their way to a small lectern and studied it. Alistair began to walk towards them to see if he could assist them in any way when he heard them muttering about casting off worldly possessions. They shared a small grin, and Leliana chuckled as Elissa faced the group.

"We're going to have to strip," she called out to the group, chuckling but turning red. She read the clue aloud to them, and as much as Alistair wracked his brain, he could not think of an alternative meaning.

Zevran grinned slyly as he began removing his armor, luridly watching the rest of the group. Sten began undress mechanically, showing no emotions, as if were just another simple command. The rest slowly began to remove what they were wearing, mostly keeping their gazes to the ground. All except Alistair, who stood frozen, trying to figure out how he could possibly escape this.

"Need help with your armor?"

Alistair yelped and jump at the sound of the voice beside him. Elissa stood next to him, clad only in her undershirt and smallclothes. He flushed red, having never seen so much bare leg on a woman before. She grinned mischievously, a teasing glint in her eyes, as she reached to help him unbuckle his shoulder strap. He stumbled away quickly, feeling his cheeks absolutely flaming, as he mumbled something about being able to do it himself. She laughed as she walked away, throwing a wink at him when he glanced up at her.

If there was one thing he learned during his time in the Temple, it was that Elissa was pure _evil_.

* * *

Alistair never thought he would be so happy to return to setting up camp in the middle of nowhere, far away from civilization.

Though, Alistair supposed, one could hardly count Haven as civilized.

He sat by the fire, leaning against a rock, polishing his sword. As much as he tried to focus at the task at hand, his thoughts kept wandering back to the Temple; specifically, the Guardian that blocked the entrance and granted them access to the ashes. How could he have possibly known the one question for each of them that stirred up seriously repressed feelings?

A quiet snap of a twig and the rustling of leaves caught Alistair unaware, and he turned to look to see what had caused the disturbance. Elissa stood off to the side, near the edge of the camp, looking at him. She put her finger to her lips, indicating to him to be quiet, and tilted her head to the side. He got up, trying his hardest to not bring attention to himself, and followed her to the outskirts of camp. They sat on a broken log, and as her head rested on his shoulder, he suddenly became aware.

Elissa sought him out for comfort as much as he did her.

The realization sent a surge of warmth throughout his body, and he wrapped his arm tightly around her, pulling her closer. Alistair suddenly realized how _familiar_ this felt... the two of them sitting or standing together, not saying a word at all, but simply being together. Feeling bold, he reached for her hand with his free one, and felt her smile against his shoulder as she grasped it.

"Did you mean what you said? To the Guardian?" she asked, nestling herself closer.

He sighed, absentmindedly rubbing her palm with his thumb. "I don't know," he admitted. "Aedan's journey certainly would have been easier if Duncan was with him instead of me. And... I do still feel like I abandoned my brothers." Admitting the words out loud was harder than he expected, but he felt as though a weight lifted off of his shoulders. "But I was following orders. I did what I was supposed to."

Elissa nodded against his shoulders. "Maybe... maybe he knew. Maybe he kept you out of the fighting for a reason. Maybe he thought you'd make a better leader than you thought you would."

His parentage and blood crept into his thoughts, but he pushed them back. He simply nodded, pretending to agree. "What about you? Do you... really feel like that?"

She gave a heavy side and was silent for a moment. Alistair had become used to this; Elissa never gave a serious answer before contemplating the best way to put it. "I don't know, either," she muttered against his shoulder. He brought his arm up and gently rubbed her upper shoulder, encouraging her to speak when she was ready. "Our father instilled a strong sense of duty in us. Each person in their life has a duties to fulfill, and it is their life goal to fulfill them. Fergus was a perfect role model. As the eldest son, he was expected to marry a fine woman of noble blood, produce an heir, and rule Highever when it was his time. He did his first two duties without complaint, and he would have made a wonderful Teryn when it came to that time. Aedan had decided to stay in Highever to become the general of her armies. It was the perfect plan... he'd be able to stay in Highever, close by if anything ever happened to Fergus and Oren..."

She paused again, seemingly lost in thought. Alistair moved his hand from her arm to her hair, gently running his fingers through her tresses. "I... the only thing I was supposed to do was marry. I was expected to marry a man of good blood, run his household, and help his line continue. Part of me always resented that," she whispered, afraid to admit that outloud. "I never felt that my duty was as important as theirs. So I just... never did it. And now my parents will never see me fulfill it; perhaps I never will. Especially if Highever is lost..." She sat up and shook her head, clearing her thoughts. "I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I guess... no, I'm where I'm supposed to be. My parents made their decision... why do I feel like we've had this conversation already?" she asked, chuckling and facing him. Her eyes shone, full of tears that she was refusing to let fall. Her face was flushed, and Alistair couldn't stop looking at her lip between her teeth.

Suddenly, before he realized what was happening, soft lips were on his. His eyes widened in shock, but his lips moved on their own, returning her gentle pressure. After a moment, she pulled away, her eyes unsure.

He didn't know what to say and found that his arm was still awkwardly holding the back of her head. She grinned shyly at him and bit her lip. "I've been waiting for you to do that for weeks. I hope... if I'm wrong, just..."

But she wasn't wrong, and Alistair had no intention of allowing herself to think that way. He moved forward and kissed her again, reveling in the warmth of her lips. He brought a hand forward to gently cup her jaw, stroking her cheek as his lips played against hers. He wrapped his other arm around her waist, tugging her closer.

She ran her fingers through his hair, and the feeling sent shivers down his spine, making him gasp. She pulled back ever so slightly, and Alistair was surprised to see how heavy they were both breathing. He tucked her hair behind her ear and trailed his fingers down her neck, delighted to see her tremor under his touch. He was astounded over the effect he had on her; he had thought that he was the only one affected.

Elissa smiled meekly at him, but there was a question in her eyes. "Weeks, huh?" he murmured, his voice huskier than normal. She flushed a pretty shade of pink, and Alistair could not stop himself. He leaned towards her again, placing a gentle, chaste kiss on her lips. "Well, it seems I have a lot of making up to do, then." She smiled, and Alistair was lost in her eyes.

Now seemed like a very good time to start catching up.

* * *

_A/N: My original plan was to try to post a new chapter every five days or so. Clearly, I have not been living up to that. When I first started, I had the first four chapters written and the fifth and sixth outlined before I posted. Life got busy, and before I knew it, I had no extra chapters! Fortunately, I'm starting to fall back into a routine here, so updates should start to become more regular again. I can't guarantee every five days, but they will be coming! Chapter ten is written and is waiting to be edited, and both chapters 11 and 12 are started (I couldn't get the opening scene for 12 out of my head, and my muse would not allow me to sleep until I wrote it... I also just forgot about chapter 11...). _


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: So at 10 chapters and over 20,000 words, Wo We Are is officially the longest story I've ever written. The best part is, I'm not tired of it and I want to keep going! :) Thank you to those who have stuck by this story... you're the reason why I've reached this milestone! Your reviews consistently make me smile, and whenever I hit a lag writing I reread them and that helps me get through it. So thank you!_

* * *

No one ever accused Alistair of being overly intelligent. Then again, he was hardly the dunce that Morrigan made him out to be.

He had been looking forward to returning to Redcliffe from their adventures in Haven. The thought of a bed, a warm hearth, and no need to be on watch certainly had its appeal. And, of course, he was more than relieved to see Eamon awaken and begin to fully heal, feeling more assured from their first major victory. But since their return, they were kept busy with talks of politics; conversations that Alistair had no interest in participating in.

Shortly after Eamon recovered well enough to start holding meetings, he brought forth the idea of making Alistair king. The notion had been so ridiculous at first that Alistair swore Eamon must be joking; or, perhaps, his mind had not recovered as well as his body had. Yet Eamon was as determined and coherent as Alistair ever remembered him being, and since neither one of the Couslands were disturbed by the idea, clearly the plan had some merit in theory.

But Alistair had no idea _how_ to be king. He didn't know how to govern or rule... _Maker_, he hadn't made any decisions that impacted their group in any sort of way. How could he possibly lead a country?

Eamon had been handing out titles as one might hand out sweets. In addition to naming each of the companions Champions of Redcliffe (which Alistair thought was very well deserved), he called Aedan the Warden-Commander of the Grey Wardens of Ferelden. Alistair supposed it only made sense; they were the only two Wardens left and Aedan was certainly the leader. Whatmore, he officially addressed Elissa as Teryna of Highever once he learned of the massacre of the Couslands. She had been taken aback, pointing out that Aedan had been next in line.

Eamon shook his head. "It was my understanding that, once a man or woman joins the ranks of the Grey Wardens, they give up their names, titles, and any inheritance."

"Alistair is a Grey Warden, yet he can still be king," she countered, raising her eyebrow.

The Arl smiled, acknowledging her point. "Politics, my dear," he replied. "Eventually, we will need to call a Landsmeet to confront Loghain and challenge Anora's right to the throne. I will be able to sway some of the nobles to our side, but I expect to face opposition. Aedan's voice, as the leader of the Order that will save our nation from the Blight, will weigh heavily. And your opinion, as one of the highest ranking members of the nobility, second only to Loghain himself, will also carry. Simply put, two voices are better than one." He gave a great sigh, and for once, Alistair noticed just how old the Arl seemed to be. "Sometimes, politics is simply a numbers game."

"And what about me?" Alistair cried, suddenly aware that their new roles seemed decided and he had nothing to say about it. "Doesn't anyone care what I want?"

Eamon turned his gaze on him, and he felt as if he were nine again, speaking out of line. Words like 'duty,' 'responsibility,' and 'honor' were thrown at him, and the argument of the importance of the Theirin name and the bloodline of Calenhad were made clear. Alistair looked instead to his feet, muttering his compliance.

At last, Eamon dismissed the trio from his study. Aedan hurried off in search of Leliana, claiming that the two of them had plans to visit the town's Chantry, though Alistair could tell he was almost as eager to escape the arl as Alistair was. Once they were out the door, Elissa tugged on his hand and led him down an empty corridor, and Alistair wordlessly followed.

"Are you alright?" she asked, stopping once they were certain they were out of earshot of Eamon.

Alistair nodded, though he couldn't quite say that he was. "It's just that... I've never..." he sighed, running his free hand through his hair. He sighed and looked at her ruefully. "I thought we were supposed to be using our stay here as time to _rest_. With all this talk of politics, I don't feel very well rested." He knew he was avoiding the topic that Elissa so desperately wanted to talk to him about since they returned, but he couldn't help it. He didn't know what to say to her.

Assuming they all lived through this whole ordeal (and Alistair did not want to think of any scenario where either he or Elissa did not), he did not know what their lives would become; more importantly, what would become of the life that they so recently found together. Of course it was not ideal, living on the road hunting darkspawn and treaties. But when they were in camp, during those nights that he was with Elissa; kissing her, holding her, or simply sitting by her side... _those_ were the times when Alistair's life felt _right_.

As selfish as it was, he was not so willing to give up what had recently become his best source of comfort during these tumultuous times.

Her smile brought him back to reality. "We could sneak away, you know. Just you and me, for a couple of hours at least."

He returned her smile and brushed a lock of hair away from her face, but shook his head sadly. "Eamon would find us, somehow, if he was really determined."

"Wasn't someone bragging about how they knew all the secrets to Redcliffe Castle last we were here?" she teased, grasping his hand and kissing his fingers. He chuckled and lowered his head to lightly kiss her. She pressed her body against his, wanting to deepen the kiss, but a sudden movement behind Elissa alarmed Alistair. He broke away from her, only to see a young page boy staring shamefully at his feet.

Elissa gazed at the boy, whose face was an alarming shade of red. She threw a wink at Alistair's direction, then shouted to the boy: "You, there!" The boy's head snapped up, but he couldn't look Elissa in the eye. "Do you know who we are?"

"Y-yes, m'lady," the boy stuttered. "Y-you're the Tery...Teryna of Highever... and he's P-P-Prince  
Alistair."

Alistair rolled his eyes at the title. He opened his mouth to correct the boy, wanting to claim he was no such thing, but Elissa sharply tugged on his hand to keep him quiet. "What is your name?"

"Bryant, m-m'lady. I'm a... a messenger. I have a message for the arl."

"Bryant," Elissa responded calmly, a small smile playing on her lips. She pulled out a silver coin and flicked it to him. The boy caught it eagerly and stared at it in amazement. "If anyone, and I mean anyone at all, asks where we are today, tell them that Prince Alistair here is giving me a tour of the village. There's no agenda at all; we may stop by the Chantry, the blacksmith's, the tavern, merely to be social. We may not show up at dinner tonight, either, if one of our friends invites us to dine with them. Please tell them not to worry, and that we will see them tomorrow when we break our fast."

The boy nodded and scurried off, pocketing the money. "So," Alistair muttered, pulling her close and wrapping an arm around her waist. "You want to go into the village to socialize?"

"No, you silly man," she laughed, standing on tiptoe and kissing his cheek. "If anyone tries to look for us, which they undoubtedly will, they'll be pointed in the wrong direction. We could be anywhere in town. The beauty of this plan is that we'll actually be in the castle the whole time."

He smiled, planting a kiss on her forehead. "You're sneaky, you are. Sneaky and evil and _wonderful_. Maker, I'm a lucky man."

Alistair was rewarded with a brilliant smile from her. She tugged on his hand, pulling him along through the corridor. "Come, my prince. Show me the secrets of the castle so that we may _relax_." He groaned at the title, but he wouldn't complain about her teasing. And based on what she was hinting at, he doubted they would get much relaxing done.

What neither of them noticed was Bann Teagan himself behind them. Teagan witnessed the affection and kind gestures the couple exchanged. He was delighted to see someone make Alistair so happy; sadly, he could admit that never once as a child did he see Alistair as joyous as he seemed to be with the young Cousland girl. However, their... _relations_ should be noted, and he turned to find his brother to update him.

Though perhaps, Teagan thought, stopping himself, that informing the arl could wait until tomorrow morning. The poor boy deserved to enjoy time with his beloved, and Teagan decided he would not rob him of that.

* * *

Alistair could not stop grinning as he made his way to the arl's study once again.

Yesterday's afternoon and evening had been perfect. Elissa's plan kept them hidden well enough, and they were able to spend several hours together and alone. They snuck through the gardens, giggling like children when they were nearly caught. They crept into the kitchen and swiped a full rabbit, a loaf of fresh bread, and fruit without anyone noticing. Alistair led her up a hidden staircase and they dined on the roof, watching the sun set over the lake. After they finished eating, they laid side by side and watched the stars, talking about nothing in particular. Well into the night, her breathing slowed, and he watched her doze beside him, content to have her head under his chin and his arm wrapped tightly around her.

And when it came time to walk her back to her room, he gave her a lingering kiss at her door. He was tempted to follow Elissa in, and though she didn't ask, Alistair had a feeling she wanted him to join her. But there would be a time for that, and for now, a sweet smile and a kiss goodnight were enough for him.

"Alistair!" His head snapped up as he realized he made it into the study. Eamon stood before him with a joyous smile on his face, and Alistair's stomach immediately dropped, unsure as to why the arl was in such a good mood. He glanced at Elissa, who only gave him a small shrug and a smile that didn't reach her eyes. She was worried as well.

Aedan stood at the other end of the room, and Alistair was surprised to see Leliana and Wynne sitting behind him. While Eamon had gone out of his way to make sure all of the companions were comfortable, he primarily spent his time seeking out the Couslands and Alistair. Whatever it was that Eamon wanted to discuss now, he wanted a fuller audience, and the thought only made Alistair internally cringe.

"Good, good! Now that you're here, my lad, we can get started." Eamon came around from behind his desk and grasped Alistair's hand in a firm handshake, dragging him closer to the group. Aedan eyed him warily, and Wynne and Leliana shared a concerned look. "Now, before we begin, why didn't you tell me you and Lady Elissa were involved?"

Elissa's eyes widened in surprise, and Alistair felt his cheeks and neck heat up in embarrassment. Aedan shot a look at his sister before a look of realization passed over his face, followed by what Alistair could only consider dread.

Eamon turned to Elissa, who could only stare at the ground helplessly. Aedan ran his hand through his hair and blew out a frustrated sigh. Their reactions confused Alistair; he was simply embarrassed over his love life being brought up in such a way, especially in front of his beloved's brother. They all knew, of course; camp did not offer privacy, and it was always noticed that the two of them disappeared often enough together.

"Well?" Eamon asked, now turning back to Alistair. "Is it true?"

"What are you planning, Arl Eamon?" Aedan asked.

Eamon whirled to face him, an immense grin breaking across his face. "Planning? Oh, my good sir, this whole ordeal has planned itself!"

Alistair looked to Elissa, trying to gauge her reaction to whatever Eamon was talking about, but she refused to look up from the floor. She looked... _resigned_, and he didn't like that. "I'm sorry," Alistair cut in. "But what...?"

"A Theirin and a Cousland, ruling Ferelden together! Even when Alistair successfully takes the throne, we must expect there to be some controversy during the first few years of his reign. By having a woman of one of the oldest and noblest bloodlines rule by his side as Queen... that will quench much of the outcry. Oh, I'm ashamed I didn't think of it myself."

Ruling... Ferelden... _together_?

_Queen_?

_Oh, Maker_... Alistair had been so terrified about the thought of ruling, he had completely forgot about the importance of _getting married_ and_ producing an heir_.

Eamon was suggesting that Alistar marry Elissa. It would be the two of them, together. She would be his wife, and the mother of his children, and Maker, this was happening too fast...

Alistair could feel his face flush even more, his mouth still dropped open in surprise, and he knew he must look like a fool. Elissa was still staring determinedly at the floor, and Aedan kept his face neutral and blank. A sudden feeling of dread filled Alistair. What if she didn't want that life with him?

It had not been that long since they shared their first kiss, and now marriage was being forced upon them. Alistair always dreamed of having a wife and a family all of his own, and he could easily picture Elissa and himself sharing a life together. But there had always been a sense of freedom in those dreams. He always thought that he would choose his wife, and that his wife would choose him. Having Elissa by his side, always, would be wonderful, but if it was by force...

"Now, I believe a unbetrothed king will garner more sympathy and votes from the nobles with single daughters or granddaughters; they'll hope that their legacy will be part of the royal family." Arl Eamon continued on, seemingly oblivious to the terror that was coursing through Alistair. "Therefore, we must keep your involvement a secret. Alistair must prove that he is a capable ruler on his own to garner the respect of the people, and we certainly do not want the Couslands to seem like opportunists. Six months to a year after the coronation should warrant enough time; then we could officially announce your betrothal. That will also give you, Lady Elissa, enough time to begin the restorations of Castle Cousland and to name your own heir of Highever."

Eamon continued on with his plan, but Alistair didn't hear any of it. He watched Elissa, silently begging her to look at him, to let him know what she was thinking, to ensure him that everything was alright. But she never moved. Wynne and Leliana whispered to each other, but they went unnoticed by everyone else. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Aedan interrupted the arl.

"Arl Eamon, please, let's not get ahead of ourselves. These are all options we shall consider, but we still have much to accomplish. Alistair and I need to collect our treaties with the dwarves and the Dalish. I trust you'll make the arrangements for the Landsmeet in our absence?"

Alistair sent a silent blessing to his brother-in-arms for stopping the discussion. Aedan informed the arl that they would be leaving within the next few days, and asked what provisions the arl could spare for their journey. The two fell into a discussion, and silently, Elissa slipped out of the room. Alistair turned to follow her, but a gentle hand held him back. Leliana silently shook her head, and she and Wynne followed her out the door.

He followed Aedan out of the arl's study a few moments later. Once they were far enough away from the arl, Aedan stopped and looked at Alistair. He opened his mouth to speak, but for once, could not find anything to say. Instead, he clasped his hand on Alistair's shoulder in a sign of comfort, and made his way back to his chambers.

Alistair stood in the hallway, lost. He desperately wanted to seek Elissa out, but knew that Leliana and Wynne were with her now. Instead, he made his way back to his room, hoping that he would figure out some sort of plan.

* * *

Alistair did not see Elissa for the rest of the day.

Granted, he hardly ventured outside his quarters. He even requested that his supper be sent to his room so he could eat in private. As much as he wanted to see Elissa, he could not think of facing the others right now. They, Leliana especially, would ask all sorts of questions that he simply did not have the answer to.

It was well into the night when Alistair head a quiet knock at his door. He had been laying in his bed, desperately trying to rest, but sleep simply eluded him. Too many things were running through his mind for him to find peace. He threw the covers off of him and made his way to the door, not bothering to find his slippers or shirt. It was probably only a servant; or worse, Eamon himself checking on him. Whoever his visitor was, he wanted to make sure they felt like they were intruding so they'd leave him be.

He didn't expect to find Elissa on the other side of the door.

She looked up to him and smiled hesitantly, and Alistair couldn't decide if he felt full of relief or dread from her appearance. "May I come in?"

Alistair wordlessly moved aside, and she stepped into his chambers. He closed the door, watching her as she made her way towards the hearth in his room. She wore a simple shift and soft, woolen pants, and her hair was in her sleeping braids. She sat down on the soft rug in front of the fire, and looked expectantly at him. He hesitated for a moment, but made his way over and sat down beside her.

"I'm sorry for running out earlier," she began, looking into the flames. Alistair thought he understood; she felt hesitant about being forced into something so quickly. He felt the same way. He wanted to tell her so, but she continued on, offering an insight to her life that he felt privileged to have.

"I knew that one day, I would be forced to marry a man that I most likely knew nothing about." Loose strands of hair fell from her face, and she hastily pushed it back. "All that talk of duty... that was real for me. I escaped it for as long as I could, but I knew I'd have to face it eventually. I always wanted what my parents had... they met when they were young and fell in love, truly. It happened to work out that they were a good match politically, but they married because they truly loved each other. That's rare, in my world. Most of the time, you find someone that you're compatible with, and you learn to love them, eventually. That's what Fergus shared with his both knew their expectations, and they both lived up to them, so they found happiness with each other."

She looked at him, but Alistair could not return her gaze. She continued her explanation, ignoring the fact that he was not participating. "I was selfish. I was so afraid that I'd be force to marry an idiot, or a coward, or worse: someone who was cruel," she said, shuddering as she pictured Thomas Howe. She reached out with one hand to grasp his, and with the other she turned Alistair's chin so he was facing her. "You are none of those things, Alistair."

He sighed and brushed back that stubborn lock of hair. "Then, why...?" he began asking, though he couldn't figure out exactly how to phrase his question.

She smiled, understanding what he was asking. "These past few months, I found a freedom that I haven't had before. My parents always allowed me to do as I pleased, but I still lived in a cage. I thought I escaped that constriction, where I was forced to do things. I'm a tad stubborn, you see," she added lightly. He chuckled, agreeing fully. "I've never liked having decisions made for me, even when the best choice is chosen."

He smiled and squeezed her hand, but he still felt troubled. "What if I..." he trailed off, ashamed. He _couldn't_ be king; how could they expect him to rule? He braced himself and looked her in the eye. "Do you think I would make a good king?"

"Yes."

The simple word fell from her lips, but by the look in her eyes she truly meant it. She offered no further explanation, and Alistair felt that he didn't need one. Not from her, at least. Still, he was full of doubt. He buried his face in her neck, comforted by her arms around him.

"You don't have to, you know. You could always say no." she murmured, gently stroking his head. The rhythm was soothing, and Alistair felt his eyes fluttering shut.

"Say no to marrying you?" he asked. "That's the only good thing in this whole situation."

She chuckled, but he could tell it was without humor. "I meant to being king." He leaned back to look at her, expecting to see that she was joking. But her face was completely serious._ He could?_ "I'm not going to lie, Eamon is right: you are the best chance at uniting Ferelden against the Blight. You have the strongest claim simply because of your blood. But the people don't know you, and if we don't introduce you, they'll never know they're missing the best option." She gently traced his cheek with her thumb, and Alistair could not tear his gaze away from her. Was she truly serious? "If you truly do not want to become king... if you feel like being a Grey Warden is what you're truly meant to do... then say no."

It could not possibly be that simple. Could he really just walk away? There was something in her eyes that made him believe there was something else; she knew of a catch that he didn't. "And... you? Could you...?"

She shook her head, smiling sadly. "I am the Teryna of Highever. When this is over, I will need to reclaim my lands and my rights, and rebuild Highever. I owe that much to my parents. There's no escaping that, this time."

So there it was. He could either become Ferelden's king and have Elissa rule by his side, or have his freedom as a Grey Warden and lose her forever. For a passing moment, he wished that he had never met Elissa, simply so that this decision would be easy. He shook that thought quickly out of his head, knowing that he would not have survived this journey without her, either physically or mentally.

She sensed his turmoil, and leaned in to give him a gentle kiss. He held her close, as if he might lose her now if he didn't make a decision. She pulled back only slightly, resting her forehead against his. "We still have plenty of time before you need to make any sort of decision. We'll be leaving to find the Dalish in two days time, and from there we need to go to Orzammar. We'll still have all that time together."

He made a promise to himself then. He had no idea what the future held for him, or for her, or for any of the people he was travelling with. But he promised to cherish today, always, so that if tomorrow never came, he'd still be able to hold on to his happy memories.


	11. Chapter 11

Alistair would never admit it out loud, but the werewolves unnerved him more than even the darkspawn did.

Darkspawn were easy to strike down; they were purely monsters. Souless and evil, Alistair never felt guilt when killing them. But the werewolves had once been human, and if the rumors were to be believed, could possibly return to their former selves. They were men and women who still held emotions and memories, but were ferocious and terrifying creatures. They were deeply insightful but cryptic, and Alistair could simply not wait until he could engage in a battle that didn't confuse him so.

It also did not help that they carried their own type of poison. If bitten, any of them could turn into these creatures as well. Alistair had to admit that they had been extremely lucky thus far with the others facing the darkspawn. Aedan and Alistair were the only ones immune to the taint, though that had never stopped any of the others from charging into battle with the darkspawn.

Alistair began to realize how unprotected they truly were. He, Aedan, and Sten were the only ones in full plate (armor that actually fit had been a gift from Murdoch to Sten to thank him), the others wore leathers or robes; material that could certainly not withstand the great fangs of the werewolves. The three of them surrounded the others, offering what protection they could.

They were making their way through the forest when shrubs began rustling beside them. Alistair shared a wary look with Aedan as they stepped in front of the others, and he saw Elissa notch an arrow. They all drew their weapons, readying for an attack. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled as Wynne and Morrigan shifted the energy around them for whatever spell they were preparing. But it was seemingly all for naught. The rustling stopped, and though they waited at the ready for several moments, no further movements were made.

Aedan relaxed his sword and shield and shot a relieved smile at Alistair, when a beast suddenly jumped through the bushes and tackled him to the ground. A fireball from Morrigan knocked the creature off of him almost immediately, and he jumped back to his feet, thankfully unharmed.

Several more werewolves made their appearance, slowly circling the group. A low-hanging branch blocked part of Alistair's line of vision when an idea struck him. "Elissa, Zevran!" he called. "Climb up into the branches and shoot from there. You'll have a better vantage point, and you'll be out of harm's way. We'll stay down here and protect the others."

Elissa nodded as Zevran moved to lift her up to the branch. She scurried up and dropped an arm down to help raise Zevran. Alistair slammed his shield into a werewolf that lunged at Zevran, and felt a pang of remorse when he stabbed his blade through its heart.

Arrows and bolts began to rain down on the wolves, and Wynne and Morrigan's magic seemed to almost frighten them. Leliana stayed low to the ground, ducking out from under their legs and slashing at the flanks of the beasts. The creatures' numbers were lessening, and Alistair was thinking that they had just about won when he heard a petrifying roar behind him. He turned to see a werewolf flying through the air at him. He tensed, preparing for the blow, but it never came. Instead, he heard a sickening crunch and a desperate howl.

He opened his eyes to see Elissa on the ground struggling with the beast. A gash ran from her cheek across her chin and down her neck. She struggled to grip her blade, but her hand seemed unable to properly close around its hilt. Instead, she slammed a half-open fist into to the jaw of the wolf, and Alistair was startled to see her hand came back bloody. The monster pushed her off of it and pinned her to the ground, snarling in her face. Elissa kicked her legs out as hard as she could, trying to push it off of her, and though it stumbled, it continued to hold her shoulders down.

Alistair suddenly reacted, lunging forward and running it through with his sword. He bashed it with his shield for good measure, making sure it fell far away from his love. The werewolf gave a great whine, then took its final breath.

He knelt down beside Elissa. Her left arm was bent at an unnatural angle and the leather guarding her ribs and stomach were torn to shreds. What concerned him most, however, was her bloody right hand. If she had been bitten...

"Wynne!" Alistair bellowed, realizing the fighting had ceased. The healer made her way over to his side as fast as she could, kneeling to the ground. Alistair felt the air around him shift once again as a blue light emitted from Wynne's hands, and he watched in fascination as some of Elissa's worst wounds knit themselves. He grasped her injured hand and held it to Wynne. "She m-might have been... the werewolves teeth..." he stuttered, failing to put together a coherent sentence. Wynne's face dropped as she gently took Elissa's hand, examining the wound.

Aedan fell to the ground beside Alistair, staring at his sister. She was unconscious, and neither man ever felt so helpless. The others congregated around them, watching as Wynne performed her magic.

After what seemed like an eternity, Wynne fell back on her heels. "I've done all I can for now," she said, wiping beads of sweat from her forehead. "I dare not move her too much more. We should set up camp here, if we can. She needs rest and someone to watch over her."

"Was she...?" Alistair began, unable to finish.

Wynne looked him straight in the eye. "I don't know," she answered honestly. "There's no way for me to tell right now; we need more time. If she is..."

"She's not," Aedan curtly replied. "She's too pigheaded to succumb to such a thing. She's too stubborn to just _allow_ this to happen to her; she always gets the final say. And she's too strong... she won't..." A tear fell from his cheek onto Elissa's forehead. Alistair held his breath in the hopes that it would magically awaken her, but to no avail. Wynne did not bother to disagree, but she offered no words of comfort either.

Silently, the others began preparations to make camp. Wynne stepped away to freshen up by a stream, hoping to calm her mind and regain some of her powers. Leliana brought over a bowl of water and a cloth to wash the dried blood from Elissa's mostly healed skin, but Alistair gingerly took it from her. Leliana nodded and stepped away, understanding that the two men needed time.

Alistair and Aedan looked down at the woman who meant so much to each of them, and prayed to the Maker that she would recover.

* * *

It took several more hours, but the Maker heard Alistair's prayers: Elissa awoke, still human and unchanged.

She was still extremely weak from the blood loss, and Wynne stayed by her side supporting her recovery. Both Aedan and Alistair only left her side when Leliana all but kicked them out of the tent so that she could properly help Elissa bathe, promising to allow them back in as soon as Elissa was decent once more.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Elissa began to stir. Aedan and Wynne each hurried to her side, leaving Alistair standing room only by the tent flap. They waited with bated breath as she moved and moaned, hoping that wasn't about to turn. But her slow opening eyes were clear, and she smiled weakly at those that surrounded her.

"Well," she began, her voice hoarse and soft. "I don't remember falling asleep in a tent."

Aedan chuckled with relief, knowing that if his sister was joking, she would be fine. "How do you feel?" Wynne asked, concern still etched across her face.

Elissa tried to stretch and only groaned with pain. "Like I got tackled by a werewolf."

"You're the one that did that tackling, sister," Aedan laughed, pushing his overgrown hair from his face. "Actually, it was more like you fell from the tree and happened to land on the beast."

"I did that on purpose," she muttered, closing her eyes and pouting. But the slight twitch of her lips gave her away, and she chuckled at herself.

They continued to talk as Wynne cast some final healing spells. As relieved as Alistair was, he suddenly felt an overwhelming anger at her. She stupidly put herself in harms way when he could have defended himself. She almost died...

Elissa glanced at him and smiled, but he found he could not return it. When the conversation paused, she turned to her brother and Wynne. "Do you mind giving us a moment?" she asked. Aedan hesitated, clearly not wanting to leave his sister's side. "Aedan, go bathe." she ordered, her eyes teasing. He glared at her, and she did her best to shrug. "What? You stink and you're still covered in blood. I'm not going to get any better with a stinky brother."

"You haven't called me 'stinky brother' since we were twelve."

"You haven't stunk this badly since we were twelve," she countered. Aedan laughed and stood to leave, satisfied with her condition. He gave a good, hard stare at Alistair as he and Wynne left.

The others knew of their blossoming relationship; it was difficult not to, with the lack of privacy in their camp. Since he and Elissa admitted their feelings to each other, Aedan had taken to avoiding the two of them, unsure of what to do. He had confided in Alistair long ago that Elissa had many suitors in Highever, but none of them pleased her. Now that Elissa had found a man to give her heart to, Alistair supposed Aedan just didn't know how to react around them.

It certainly didn't help that they spent all day, everyday, with every_one_.

Alistair and Elissa were finally left alone. She smiled meekly at him again, and again he didn't return it. "Hi," she whispered.

"What in Andraste's arse were you thinking?" he cried, finally finding his voice.

She raised her eyebrows, surprised by his sudden outburst. "'Andraste's arse?' That's a new one."

"Don't... don't you try to joke! Are you seriously finding this funny right now?" he fumed. Her eyes widened; she wasn't expecting him to be angry. "Elissa, what were you thinking?! You were nearly _killed_! And for what? You stopped a werewolf from biting my heavy plate? The worse it would have done was dented it! And yet you decide it's a great idea to _throw yourself from a tree_, to try to stop it? You're armor is nothing but leather! Those jaws are made to tear through that material. You're lucky you didn't get yourself killed!"

Her eyes narrowed, returning his anger. "That thing was going for your jugular, right for your weak spot! It would have ripped your throat out before you even realized it hit you!"

"So you decide to try and get yourself killed instead?" He cursed himself; he knew she was right. But that didn't make what she did all right. She was still extremely injured and was nearly bitten. Alistair could hardly think of what he would do if she had been killed, but he didn't even dare consider the thought of one of them having to kill her before she turned.

Elissa gave him a steely glare. It was unfamiliar for him; he had never been on the receiving end of her glare before. He shifted uncomfortably but did his best to maintain his stance.

"I think you should go," she whispered, her voice carefully controlled. "Please send Leliana in." He didn't want to leave her. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came to mind. Her eyes narrowed further. "Just go, Alistair." Her cold tone of voice stung him more than any steel could, but he pushed his way out of the tent. As he sat alone in the privacy of his own tent, he realized the impact of his mistake.

He had never felt so alone.

* * *

The following day they camped so that Elissa could recover fully. Alistair kept himself busy, patrolling with Sten or aiding Wynne with her potions, all to avoid Elissa. She rarely came out of her tent that day, following Wynne's strict guidelines. Still, whenever Leliana left to help her move around a bit, Alistair made himself absent.

He knew he was being stupid. He had no reason to avoid her other than feeling shameful about his reaction. He was beyond relieved that she was recovering well, but he had been scared, so scared, that she wouldn't pull through. He reacted poorly, and he wanted to apologize to her.

The problem was that he had no idea _how_.

The spat between the two of them clearly caused tension within the rest of the group. Elissa was able to eat with them by the fire at suppertime, and she coolly turned her back on him, ignoring him completely. They others sat around them, acting as though nothing were wrong as they engaged in light-hearted conversations. When they thought no one was looking, they would throw sorrowful glances towards the two of them.

Alistair made his way into his tent that night without saying goodnight to anyone. As he lay on his bedroll, he tried to come up with a way to express how sorry he was to Elissa. Try as he might, nothing came to mind, and sleep eventually took him.

His dreams were unpleasant, to say the least.

The horde was on the move again. Their group had spent so much time fighting other battles that Alistair nearly forgot that the darkspawn and the archdemon were the true enemies they needed to face.

He knew it was a dream, but the archdemon was singing to him, and he wanted to follow the song. He struggled, trying to pull himself out of unconsciousness, but the horde pulled him along. He fought fiercely, but forgot quickly what exactly he was fighting _for_...

Somewhere in the distance, he heard a voice calling his name. He tried to go towards that voice, but the song held him back. The voice became louder, but so did the song, and Alistair felt overwhelmed...

"Alistair!"

He sat up, shivering, though he was drenched in sweat. Hands that had been holding his head fell away from him as he wiped his face. Elissa was there, beside him, and he watched her fall back onto her heels, sighing in relief.

She brought her hand back up, cupping his face gently and turning his head to look at her. Just like it always did, her mere presence relaxed him. Without thinking, he leaned forward further and wrapped his arms around her, pulling him tightly against him. He sighed into her hair and her arms wrapped around his middle, her head snuggling into the nook of his neck.

As his breathing slowed and his heart rate calmed, he remembered that Elissa was mad at him and they hadn't spoken all day. He gently pulled away, wanting to see her, but Elissa softly placed her lips on his forehead and kissed him. Relief spread through him; as mad as they both had been, it didn't matter now, not when he needed her.

"Darkspawn?" she asked, her face full of concern.

He nodded, still shaking. "They're on the move again," he answered.

She rubbed his head with one hand and grasped his with her other. She leaned in again and kissed him, gently rubbing his nose with hers. "You're okay now, it was just a dream. You're still safe, in the middle of nowhere. You're still with us."

Alistair pulled her close again, savoring the warmth she provided. Her fingers traced patterns on his back, making him shiver, but for much pleasanter reasons. "Stay with me," he muttered into her neck. He hadn't meant to ask her, hadn't even thought about having her stay with him, but now that the question was in the air, he desperately did not want her to leave him.

Her eyes were wide with surprise, but she nodded. "Okay," she whispered, pulling away from him. He kissed her once more, slowly and gently, losing himself in her. The fact that he was just awoken from a horrid nightmare, the fact that they were camping in a werewolf infested forest, the fact that their companions were close by; none of it mattered, as long as she was there.

She pulled away and started unfastening the buckles of her armor, and Alistair suddenly felt his face flush. "No," he quietly urged, grabbing her wrist. "I... I meant... I didn't mean..."

"I know," she whispered, gently extracting her arm from his grip. "I'm not sleeping in my armor. I still have my shirt on underneath." He watched her in the dim light and she fiddled with her armor. When she reached for a strap in the back, she winced. "Help me with this buckle?" she asked, turning her back to him.

There was something strangely intimate about helping her out of her armor now. There had been more than one occasion that they had needed each other's help, but they had always been outside and in front of the others. But now, he was helping her undress so that she might lay more comfortably next to him for the night.

He unfastened the last buckle and pushed the leather apart, letting fall from her body. Her plain cotton shift covered her back, but the bandages that still covered her wounds were visible. He gently ran his hands over them, then up her back to rub her shoulders. "Why were you wearing your gear, anyway?"

"I don't like being without it during the day if I can help it," she answered, letting her head fall forward as he massaged her upper back. "I was sick of being in that tent all day, so I decided to sit with Leliana while she was on first watch. She was just waking Zevran up for second when I heard you." A small moan fell from her lips as he continued to work her shoulders, relishing in the relief she felt.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder, kissing her cheek. "I'm sorry I was a prat," he whispered. She chuckled and grasped his hands. "You just _terrified _me. When you fell... and then I thought you were bitten... I just..." he sighed, not sure how to continue. He kissed her bare shoulder and felt her shiver. "I don't know what I'd do without you," he admitted, hugging her close.

She turned in his arms and looked at him. "I don't know what I'd do without you, either," she murmured. "When I saw that thing going for you, and you had your back turned... I just acted without thinking." She sighed and looked into his eyes. "Remember when you gave me your rose, I asked you if you thought that I was a delicate flower that needed protecting?" she asked. He nodded, remembering that night well. "You said you knew me better than that. Alistair, I will always have your back, and I know you will always have mine. But you have to remember that I'm not that delicate flower. I'm in this with you, with my brother, with all of us. I know what I did was dangerous, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat because it meant saving you."

As they lay on his bedroll, he wrapped his arms around her tightly and she snuggled into his chest. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and smiled as her hand found his. Alistair had no idea what he ever did to deserve her, but he thanked the Maker that Elissa was in his life.

* * *

_A/N: So originally I forgot about the Dalish and the werewolves... I finished writing chapter 10 and went straight into the beginning of chapter 12. I looked back at my outline and, whoops, forgot about this chapter. Despite it not being what I had in mind originally, I'm happy with the way it turned out overall. It was fun writing sibling banter, Alistair being an idiot, Alistair being sorry for being an idiot, and of course, snuggle time :)_


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: Time for that M rating! I'm not quite sure it's necessary for this chapter, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. NSFW, ye be warned!_

* * *

The air was chilly and damp, but Alistair felt anything but cold.

He was almost uncomfortably warm, and his skin felt as though it were burning everywhere Elissa placed her hot, open mouthed kisses. He let out a groan as he daringly pushed her down on her back and covered her body with his, capturing her mouth in a scalding kiss.

She returned his kiss with enthusiasm, her own small moan escaping her. One hand tugged at his hair, while she dragged her other hand down his back, her nails softly digging into his skin through his shirt. She tugged at it, untucking it from his pants, and began drawing patterns on the bare skin of his lower back. It felt incredible, and Alistair swore he saw stars.

He boldly moved one hand down to the hem of her shirt and pushed it up, exposing her stomach. His hand tickled her along her ribcage, and his fingers travelled so far north that he grazed the bottom of her breast band. Elissa gasped and arched her back, twisting slightly to turn her chest towards his hand. Alistair may not have had much experience with pleasing women, but even he knew this was a desperate plea for his hands to continue.

Cautiously, he placed his hand over the soft swell of her breast, gently giving it a squeeze. She moaned his name in his ear, and he moved above her to look at her. She stared up at him, pupils dilated so much so that her eyes appeared almost black. Her hair was loose and framing her head. Her lips were swollen and parted, and he stared at amazement as her tongue came out to moisten them.

Elissa took advantage of the slight distance between their bodies to move her hand to his front. She trailed her her nails up and down his chest, making sure to catch his nipples. She tugged his shirt upwards, and he let out another moan as his arms instinctively went up to help her. He threw his shirt to the side and pressed his body against her once more.

The friction of his bare chest against her stomach was delightful, and suddenly Elissa's shirt became too much for her. She tried to sit up to remove it, but Alistair pressed her down, seemingly oblivious to what she was trying to do. His hand moved down along her waist, over her hip, and down the outside of her thigh. She automatically brought her knee up and wrapped her leg around his waist, pulling him closer.

Alistair had never felt anything like this before, and was struggling to keep control of himself. This was more satisfying than any of his own personal... _explorations_, but he found himself wanting more. This feeling of raw desire scared him, but he couldn't stop himself. He pushed his hips against her, resulting in a delicious friction he had never felt before. Elissa moaned his name again in his ear, and began to grind her hips desperately into his. She bit down on his earlobe, and the shock of pain coursed through his body and settled in some unexpected areas.

He was completely overwhelmed. Her moaning and nibbling and grinding simply became too much for him. Without thinking, he pushed his hips against hers, and with a final kiss under his ear, Alistair saw white. Groaning loudly, he buried his head in the crook of her neck, completely overcome by all of the sensations, reveling in his release.

Elissa was still writhing under him when he realized exactly what he had done. The air around him suddenly felt much colder as he panted, catching his breath. He flushed red with embarrassment and scrambled back. Her eyes widened in surprise. "Alistair, what's wrong?" she asked, sitting up, alarmed. He shook his head at a loss for words, grabbing his shirt quickly. He stood on shaky legs, trying to calm his labored breathing. "Alistair?"

"I... I... oh Maker," he said, covering his face with his hands. He heard Elissa stand in front of him, but he couldn't look at her, even when she put her hands on his arms. "I... I finished," he mumbled into his hands.

"You... finished?" she asked. "I... oh." She dropped her hands to her side, unsure of how to react.

Alistair felt as though he were burning up on the spot. Unable to look her in the eye, he muttered something about returning to his tent. He turned his back to her and practically ran to camp. The only small blessing was that Sten was on guard, and he hardly cared what any of the others did in their spare time. Alistair hurried past him, ignoring the qunari completely, and settled himself in his tent.

He didn't expect her to stay away for long; afterall, this was practically her tent too. During a particularly windy night while Elissa was on guard, a gust of wind had picked up her tent and dropped it into the fire. As hard as they all tried, the tent was not salvageable. Nobody would admit it out loud, but it was hardly a problem. By that time, Elissa and Alistair could usually be seen seen exiting the same tent in the morning. They tried to keep it quiet at first, hoping the others wouldn't notice, but after awhile, they realized that none of their companions seemed to care. Admittedly, Aedan was not too pleased at first, but after a few stern words from his sister, even he let it go.

Alistair always slept better when she was by his side, and knew she was the same way. And while he admitted his thoughts were not always the purest, the embarrassing situation he just pulled himself away from was the farthest that they had ventured. The night would always end for them with her head under his chin, or her back pressed against his chest, or even just besides each other.

He quickly changed and cleaned himself, and just as he laid down on his bedroll, the tent flaps rustled, and Elissa crawled in. Alistair kept his eyes closed, but the telltale feeling of a blush made its way up his neck and over his cheeks. She sat down by his side facing him, and gently ran her hand down his cheek. He opened his eyes, shamefully looking at her. He began to speak, wanting to apologize, but she held her hand up to halt him.

"Don't say anything," she whispered. She reached for his hand, never taking her eyes off of his. "I just want to say something." She took a deep breath, nerves kicking in. Alistair's stomach dropped, and he sat up. "These past few months have been... well, something else. When I lost my family, I was so angry, so depressed, so full of rage. I never thought I'd feel anything else again. Then I met you, and the more time we spent together, the guiltier I felt," she sniffled. She took a steadying breath. "Because you made me feel happy. And why should I feel happy when everything was taken away from me? Why should I be happy when I'm traveling with the only family I have left on a journey that will likely kill us in the end?"

He clenched his hand in hers, opening his mouth to give her words of comfort. "Wait, just... let me finish." Alistair nodded, urging her to continue. "This whole journey should be a nightmare. I shouldn't be looking forward to camping every night in the open, where we can be attacked at any given time. But I am. Because of _you_," she whispered, smiling almost hesitantly. "And I just wanted to say... Alistair, I... I love you."

It hit Alistair suddenly, and he realized that as much as he thought her as the woman he loved, he had never said it. To hear her say those words gave him a feeling of warmth and comfort that he had never felt before. He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her. "Elissa," he murmured, gently taking her face between his hands. Placing a kiss on her forehead, he responded. "I love you, too."

A brilliant grin spread across her face, and she pulled herself to him once more, burrowing her face in the crook of his neck. He lay back down, pulling her with him, and the two lay content, wrapped in each other's arms. He was just dozing off when she spoke up once more.

"And, Alistair?" she began, gently tracing circles on his chest. "About earlier..." He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut in embarrassment. He truly thought he escaped talking about his little... _incident_. She rolled over on her stomach and propped herself up on her elbow to better look at him. She reached out and gently grabbed his chin, turning his head so he'd look at her. Warily, he opened his eyes. "It's ok," she smiled. "I love that I can make you that... excited. I don't really know what I'm doing here, either." He reached up with his free hand to hold hers, linking their fingers together. "When we're ready, _both_ ready, we'll take the next step. And our first time might be awkward and weird, so might our second... but I guarantee our third time will be much, _much_ better." She winked at him, and he could only laugh, feeling much better about everything.

He pulled her face up to his and kissed her. It was full of passion and longing, and Elissa shifted herself so she was nearly astride him. He held her tightly, pulling her even closer. But soon enough, she twisted slightly away from him, gasping for air. Alistair pushed a lock of hair away from her face, and she took his hand and kissed his palm. "Just so we're clear, Alistair," she murmured, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss on his lips. "I'm ready whenever you are."

She gave him a hard stare, one that was full of promise. _She means now,_ a voice inside Alistair's head whispered. He gulped, terror coursing through his veins. A million questions ran through his mind... _Is it too cold? Can her brother hear us? When was the last time I properly bathed? Wouldn't this be better on a bed?_

Elissa sensed his hesitation and smiled. She kissed him once more and tucked her head in the crook of his shoulder, wrapping her arm around his middle. "When you're ready," she promised.

Not for the first time, Alistair gave his thanks to the Maker for giving him the chance to be with someone so wonderful, so _patient_, as Elissa.

_Soon. Not yet, but soon._

* * *

Alistair knew she would never admit it out loud, but Elissa was terrified of being in Orzammar.

He had to admit, the lack of open sky above their heads unnerved Alistair too, though the open halls were large and expansive. Nobody was as uncomfortable as Elissa, however, and Alistair would often catch her glancing upwards, as if waiting for the top of the cave to come crashing down. He remembered how uncomfortable she had been travelling in the tunnel under the lake when they rescued Redcliffe Castle. Whenever they ventured inside an established building, such as the tavern or the shaperate, he felt her relax slightly, though she still glanced out the window.

"You alright, love?" he asked her, pulling her towards him.

She laughed nervously and gave him a smile he didn't believe for an instant. "Fine, just fine."

Alistair had thought that he and his companions had escaped the perils of politics, at least until they returned to Redcliffe and began preparing for the Landsmeet, but they had no such luck. Like every other place they visited, Orzammar was going through their own difficulties, and Aedan jumped at the chance to make new allies. It seemed it was up to them to help the dwarves decide on a new king.

Aedan stole Alistair away from Elissa their first night there, wanting to discuss with him the benefits and disadvantages between Prince Bhelen Aeducan, the son of the late king, and Lord Harrowmont, the king's second and alleged choice as successor. Alistair tried to brush his friend off, claiming he had no knowledge of politics or assemblies; Aedan would make the best decision. But his Grey brother was adamant for his point of view, pushing him to speak further of his opinions, playing devil's advocate to get him to defend his position.

He was training Alistair to be king.

The realization hit Alistair as the pair were exchanging opinions whether or not Lord Harrowmont's traditional views could potentially hinder Ferelden's trade after the Blight. He was arguing that Harrowmont's conservative stance would prevent trade opportunities, while Bhelen's open mind could further agreements with the residents of Ferelden, when he paused mid-sentence and stared at Aedan.

"I know what you're doing," he accused. "I know you're just... preparing me for all these things I'll have to do if I become king." Aedan smiled guiltily, and Alistair threw his hands up in the air. "This is different, Aedan! I won't be arguing with a friend in court. I'll be arguing with all the blasted nobles who have been at this game for years. And that's if they even bother attempting to reason with me... I'm assuming most will just think I'm an idiot and..."

"You're not an idiot," Aedan interrupted forcefully. "Anyone who calls you that is feeling stupid themselves and wants to bring you down... make you unsure of yourself. Leading is a balancing act; you must be willing to listen to those around you to get the most knowledgeable decision and select the best course of action, but you also must be stern in that ruling. There will always be somebody disagreeing with you, but if you try to please everyone, you'll please no one." He put a strong, comforting hand on Alistair's shoulder. "You'll make mistakes. You'll make bad decisions. But the important thing is that you _try_. You'll have the best advisors who are experts on each trade, Eamon... Elissa."

An awkward silence filled the space around them, and Alistair gulped. Neither of them had ever acknowledged to each other the impending engagement. Aedan tended to ignore the relationship between his sister and Grey brother, and Alistair never brought it up in fear it would cause an awkward shift between them. "I love her," he muttered.

Aedan gave a wry smile. "I know," he replied. "And she loves you. I never thought I'd see her with someone that would make her this happy. Our parents would have been very pleased. Politically, there is no better match for her, marrying the king, but they would have been much happier to see her truly in love with her betrothed." He moved his hand away from his shoulder and lightly punched his side. "Don't muck it up."

"Ow," Alistair laughed, rubbing his side. "Don't hit me, I bruise easily."

* * *

To say that Alistair felt his stomach drop would be like comparing the archdemon to a fluffy bunny rabbit.

All of the companions stood shocked, mouths agape, while they stood before a grim Aedan.

"Please," whispered Wynne. "Tell me you're joking."

"If only," Aedan uttered. "We need to go into the Deep Roads."

The group stood silently together as Aedan's words sunk in. Even Sten, who always met every challenge head on without fear, looked morose. The air around them grew heavy and thick, and the tension in the air was palpable. Nobody wanted to believe him; nobody wanted to go.

"As I always have, I appreciate everything all of you have done for us in aiding the Blight. Alistair and I would not have made it very far without your assistance," he spoke. He nodded specifically to Elissa, and she gave a weak smile. "But this task ahead of us is a Grey Warden task, and I'll not have any of you needlessly put your life on the line. Alistair and I will find the Paragon and return victorious. Then we'll see an end to this Blight."

As nervous as the group was, relief was tangible. Alistair did not disagree with Aedan's decision, but he dreaded going to the Deep Roads. He knew, from the day that he survived his Joining, that he would venture to its hellish pits one day. He had just hoped it would be after many years and a life well led.

Elissa stepped towards her brother, her eyes full of fear. "Aedan," she trembled, but Aedan stood firm. Alistair was vaguely reminded of the first time he met the Cousland twins; it was the only other time he had seen Aedan truly put his foot down and refuse to allow Elissa to accompany him, and the only time Elissa seemed to listen.

Aedan gently put his hands on his sister's shoulders. "Not this time, Lis," he whispered. "I know how you fear Orzammar... the Deep Roads will only be a hundred times worse. You _must_ stay here... promise me..." Wordlessly, Elissa nodded, and with a sob, she threw herself into her brother's arms. Aedan gripped her tightly, tears now streaming from his own eyes.

Eventually, she pulled away, and Morrigan took her place. She did not embrace Aedan, but took another step forward and stood by his side. She raised her hand to silence Aedan as he opened his mouth to speak. "I will not leave you alone with the fool and the drunk. Before you put it into your head that I am not needed, let me remind you that I am a powerful mage, and you'll not get far without me." She crossed her arms defiantly, but there was a look of concern and even love in her eyes. "I made a promise to Flemeth, and a promise to myself, that I would help you put an end to this Blight. You won't be able succeed here without me."

While Alistair was not looking forward to spending Maker knew how long with Morrigan, he couldn't help but feel relieved with her offer. Her magic would certainly aid them, and perhaps, given the severity of the situation, she might keep her nastier remarks to herself.

He wasn't holding his breath on that one.

A small hand slipped inside Alistair's, and he turned towards Elissa just as she wrapped her arms around his middle, pressing herself against him. His arms went around her as he pulled her even closer to him. "I love you," she muttered into his chest.

Alistair dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "I love you, so much..." He suddenly realized that this would be the first time he would be away from her since they met. They always travelled together, camped _together_... even when they were in Redcliffe, she was always close by...

She stood on the tip of her toes and kissed him. It was a desperate kiss, and Alistair could feel the wetness on her face from her tears. She pulled away only slightly, still grasping his face tightly. "Come back to me," she ordered, and Alistair promised himself that he would do everything in his power to make that happen.

She fell back, and Leliana tightly wrapped her arms around her friend in support as both her brother and lover walked away into the depths of the Deep Roads.


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: A huge THANK YOU to the Cheeky Monkeys forum for helping me figure how to write this scene, and Michelle-Ann85 for taking my fourth grade writing and making it sooooooo much better. Michelle, I could not have done this chapter without you!_

* * *

Aedan had been right; they did return victorious.

He, Alistair, Morrigan, and their new companion, Oghren reached Orzammar in the middle of the night (or during the normal sleeping time - how could they tell it was night if there was no sun and no moon?). They were greeted by the prince's men and were escorted to his chambers, where Prince Bhelen himself met them personally, still in his bed clothes. Aedan refused to divulge any of the details of the trip, opting to wait until the Assembly to make the official announcements. Though the prince was nervous, he accepted Aedan's terms and had his servants escort the group up to their individual rooms, promising freshly cooked meals and baths immediately.

Alistair ate his share of food in his room, and relished in the hot, clean water as he scrubbed himself pink. Fresh clothes had been tailored to fit his larger frame properly, and the softness of his new bed clothes made him want to curl up comfortably in bed, under a pile of blankets, and not come out until he saw fit.

There was only one thing missing from that picture.

He hesitated for a moment, standing in front of his fire, wondering if he should wait until morning to seek out Elissa, but the more he thought about it, the sillier it seemed to wait. Had it been Elissa who had ventured on a dangerous quest without him, he would have wanted to know immediately when she returned safe, whether or not he was sleeping. The serving girl who led him up to his room even pointed out her chambers to him, and Alistair wondered just how the girl knew to tell him.

Without even bothering to find slippers or clean boots, he ventured out into the hall in search of Elissa's room. He made several wrong turns and nearly knocked his head into some of the lower archways, but he finally made it outside her door.

He gently knocked at first, then again louder to rouse her from her sleep. When he still didn't hear anything, he raised his hand to knock again, when suddenly the door flew open, and he was greeted by the sight of Elissa with her blades held defensively. He was taken aback, but as soon as Elissa realized it was him, she dropped her swords to the ground and tackled him into a fierce hug. He wrapped his arms around her, relief flooding him; he finally felt like he was safe, now that he was with Elissa.

She pulled him into her chamber, and he kicked the door closed behind him, neither one ever loosening their grip. He could feel her shaking as she clung to him, and he lifted her chin with his hand so he could look at her properly. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and bags had begun forming under them. She looked like she hadn't slept in days; then again, she probably hadn't. He knew he would not have been able to sleep had she gone off without him for days.

"You're okay?" she asked, trying to calm herself. He could only nod in response. "And Aedan? And Morrigan? And the dwarf... Oghren?"

"They're all fine. We're all fine. We did it." he replied simply, leaning down to kiss her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in closer, and he responded eagerly. Just as he was beginning to lose himself in the kiss, she jumped away from him, slamming her hands hard into his chest as she shoved him backwards.

"What in the Maker were you thinking?" she cried. "Why did you come here unarmed? You could've been killed!"

He stood there, abashed. "Lis... what? Here? Aren't we safe here?"

She shook her head furiously, her tears coming back full force. "Harrowmont's men have been attacking us unsuspectingly, even from inside the castle! Alistair, if you had been killed when you had only just returned..."

Alistair stepped forward again, wrapping his arms around her as she sobbed. "Shh," he breathed into her ear. "We're all fine. I'm fine. I've never been better, now that I'm here with you." He kissed the top of her head as she cried in his arms. Once the shaking had subsided, he leaned back slightly to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

She stood on the tips of her toes and kissed him gently, lingering only millimeters from his face. "Don't go," she whispered against his lips. "Stay here with me, please." He hesitated; spending a night by her side wasn't anything new at all, but they had only done so in their own camp, where their companions mostly didn't care. But here they were guests of Prince Bhelen, and... "Propriety be damned." She looked up at him, her blue-green eyes shining, and he knew he could never say no. "I'm terrified that this is all just a dream... a wonderful dream with you back and safe and in my arms, but I'll wake up and find that it's not true... that you're still down there, and that I may never see you again..."

He kissed her to silence those horrid thoughts. He was there with her, safe, and was not going to anywhere without her again if he could help it. Her response was immediate, wrapping her arms around his neck once more and arching her back to push her body flush with his. A moan resonated from deep within him as he gripped her tightly, one hand on the small of her back pulling her closer, the other tangled in her hair.

"You drive me crazy," he muttered against her lips. She pulled her head away slowly, her eyebrows raised curiously as he realized what he said. "No... no!" he yelped, cursing his inability to say the right things when it mattered. "I didn't mean it like that. I... oh, bugger." She giggled, and the desperate tension in the air disappeared. "I can never say what I mean when I'm with you." He took a deep breath as he nervously began to explain how he felt. "Here's the thing... being with you makes me crazy. But I can't imagine being without you. Not... ever."

She rested her forehead against his, a small smile playing on her lips. "So don't be," she whispered.

Alistair chuckled ruefully. _If only it were that easy._ But he didn't want to think about their unsure future together, not when he had missed Elissa so desperately, and not when she was now wrapped in his arms. All he wanted was _her,_ in this moment. "I wanted you to know... I'm ready, too, if you still are. If you still... want me."

Realization dawned on her face. She blushed as she smiled, but he could tell she was still hesitant. "Now? Are you sure?"

"I wanted to wait for the perfect time, the perfect place, but when will it be perfect? If things were perfect, we wouldn't have even met. We sort of just... stumbled into each other, and despite this being the least perfect time, I found myself falling for you, in between all the fighting and everything else." He paused, leaning in so his forehead rested on hers. She closed her eyes and brought her hands to rest on his chest as he pulled her closer. "I've… I've never done this before. You know that." He took a deep breath as he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I want it to be with you... while we still have the chance. In case..."

But she did not let him finish whatever it was he was going to say. Elissa silenced him by pulling his face down to her's and kissing him, slowly and deeply. Nervous energy began to build inside Alistair as he placed his hands timidly on her hips. "I thought you'd never ask," she murmured into his ear. She began to trace her lips down the side of his neck, and his grip tightened on her. He felt her slender hands run down his chest to the bottom of his shirt, and she began to lift it upwards. He gasped as her fingers skimmed over his bare skin, losing all conscious thought as her hands brushed over his stomach... his ribs... his underarms... When she could no longer reach above him, he helped her, throwing his shirt to the side as she drank in the sight of him.

Elissa pulled her gaze from his chest back up to his eyes, and he stood before her, unsure. She took his hand and led him towards the bed, sitting him down on the edge while she stood in front of him. His hands went back to her hips as he looked up at her, still uncertain of what to do. "Mine, too?" she whispered, and Alistair was relieved to hear that she sounded nervous as well.

His hands travelled to the bottom of her shirt, and she raised her arms as he slowly dragged the garment over her head, a shot of anticipation coursing through him as his fingers traced her soft skin. She shivered from both the draft against her bare skin and Alistair's awestruck gaze. She leaned forward once more, pressing herself to him, kissing him with a fiery passion.

Her eagerness sparked something in Alistair, and he gained more confidence as he slowly ran his hands up her bare chest, delighting in the feeling of her supple breasts beneath his palms. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her off of the floor and into his lap, inhaling sharply as their naked skin contacted fully. She wrapped her legs around him, tugging him closer, and pressed hot, opened mouth kisses from under his ear down his neck.

He turned to the side, gently pressing her back to the bed and covering her body with his. He listened to her moans and sighs as he trailed his lips across her torso, starting from where her neck met her shoulder all the way down to her belly-button. Tentatively, he took one of her nipples in his mouth, and it quickly hardened like a pebble under the gentle pressure of his lips. She arched her back, gasping, desperately wanting to push herself closer to him.

As the tension built, Alistair grew more confident as he explored Elissa's body. Excitement coiled within him with each breathless moan he heard, and he revelled in the fact that he was doing this to her. He dragged his lips across her collarbone, up her neck, under her ear, gently nibbling and kissing as he went, until he reached her eager lips. His breath hitched as her hands slid down his back to the waistline of his breeches. His gaze flickered to hers, nervous energy coursing through him as she pushed them down over his hips and further. Her gaze was hooded and heavy with desire, and he tremored as her hands grazed the bare skin of his thighs. He swallowed thickly as he helped her get rid of his breeches before kicking them off completely.

Alistair lay before her, completely bare, and while the feeling overwhelmed him, Alistair revelled in it. Placing a gentle kiss upon her lips, he leaned back, his hands trailing down her stomach. She looked up at him eagerly and trembled under his touch while he slowly loosened the knot on her breeches, his eyes never leaving hers. Once the knot became loose, he slowly stripped her of her last bits of clothes.

His gaze slid over her, drinking her in for the first time, not fully believing that the beauty that was before him was his. Her body was flushed and warm, and he watched with fascination as her chest raised and fell from her labored breathing. She bit her lip, her gaze still dark. He leaned over her, bracing his weight on his arms either side of her so he would not crush her, nearly losing his senses as her legs came up, opening herself to him and resting against his hips.

Elissa's hands came to rest on his shoulders, and as he leaned over her, he saw true fear flutter through her eyes. He kissed her gently as she trembled beneath him. "I love you," he whispered against her lips. Reassurance visibly; her shoulders relaxed and her eyes grew warm as a slow, small smile spread across her lips. "Are you...?" he asked. She nodded meekly, not quite trusting her voice.

With agonizing slowness, he gently pushed himself into her. She gasped at the unfamiliar feeling and gripped his shoulders, and as he moved through her barrier, a small cry escaped her. "Are you okay?" he breathed, panting in her ear. He would be lying if he said he never imagined what making love would be like, but the raw desire left an immeasurable seductive feeling that he never could have expected. Elissa breathed deeply into his shoulder, her warm breath leaving hot trails on his upper back. He bit back a moan, pressing his lips against her neck as he waited for her body to adjust.

"Yes," she finally gasped, wiggling underneath him, tilting her hips up. "Alistair..." He cut her off with a passionate kiss as he began to move in earnest.

Alistair could not put into words how it felt to be so intimately connected with someone... not just someone, but _Elissa._ Alistair had already given his thanks to the Maker plenty of times simply for her presence in his life, but to have her like _this,_ someone who would so willingly give herself to him, and to give himself to...

He resisted the urge to move too quickly, consciously keeping his thrusts slow. With his hands on either side of her head, his whole body skimmed hers each time he drove into her. She kept her grip on his shoulders, her nails digging into his muscle. With every push, she would tilt her head back, moaning and sighing with pleasure. She brought her knees up higher, linking her ankles together above his waist. She whispered his name, bringing one hand to grip the hair on the back of his head and the other to press against his back.

He was close, _so close,_ much closer than she was. Without thinking, he began to build speed, dropping down to his elbows and covering her mouth with his. He leaned back, precariously balancing on one arm while the other snaked down in between their bodies. The position of his arm was awkward and uncomfortable, but he was determined that she find her pleasure with him. This thumb found the crease between her folds, and he drew circles around her nub, trying his best to match the rhythm of his hips.

Her eyes widened in surprise, her mouth forming a perfect "o." She stared between their bodies with an unbelievable expression, then brought her eyes up to meet his. He watched her intently, silently begging that she find her release; he knew his was soon coming. Suddenly, she threw her head back, pushing it hard against the pillow and arching her back. She let out a breathless cry, his name falling from her lips.

His mind went blank, and all he knew were the sensations around him... the feel of her breasts brushing across his chest with each thrust, the feel of the blankets and sheets bunched up in his hands, the feel of her spasms around him... He fell forward onto both elbows, crushing her to him while he revelled in his release. He felt Elissa's lips gently suck on the skin beneath his ear, a particularly sensitive spot as she had discovered not long ago, and he shivered, overwhelmed with all the sensations around him.

Alistair opened his eyes once he began to feel control over his body to see Elissa below him, her arms wrapped around his neck and her breathing as labored as his. She smiled as she ran a hand gently down the side of his face, running her thumb over his lip. He leaned down and kissed her, sliding off of her and rolling to the side.

She snuggled up closely to him, and he wrapped an arm protectively around her, feeling utterly spent and sated. She traced patterns on his bare chest, gently tugging at his chest hair. The motion was soothing, and combined with the warmth of the blankets and her body next to his, he was being lulled to sleep quickly.

"You know," he began sleepily, his eyes heavy as he fought to stay awake. He may have been new to romancing women, but he knew falling asleep immediately after their first time together would not be very romantic. "According to all the Sisters in the monastery, I should have been struck by lightning by now."

She chuckled beside him. "That so?"

"Yup," he agreed, stretching out beside her. "Lightning first, then the end of civilization as we know it. I'm a bad, bad man." She only laughed again and stretched her arm across his middle. Alistair was nearly asleep when her voice woke him from his near slumber.

"Onto the Landsmeet now, hmm?" she whispered. Alistair's stomach clenched; he purposely hadn't thought about that since they left Redcliffe.

"Assuming Prince Bhelen honors our treaty, that is the next step indeed," he replied, attempting to keep his voice as casual as possible.

"What are you going to do?" she asked, her eyes barreling to his.

He looked down at her, and fear gripped him. "I don't know," he answered honestly. "Lis, I..."

"Look at it this way," she interrupted, turning herself over on her stomach so she could face him. "You'll either be a leader as a monarch, or the second in command of the Grey Wardens. Both positions come with great power and great responsibilities, and you'll be forced to make tough decisions wherever you go." She gently ran her hand through his hair. "Alistair, I want to be selfish and have you all to myself, and we both know that can only happen if you're king. But that's not why I'm pushing you towards the position."

He shifted, putting one hand behind his head and the other arm around her back, tracing his fingers up and down her bare skin. "Why is it, then? We both know I have none of the necessary skills. All I know how how to be a commoner and a warrior, not how to play politics."

"That's exactly why," she responded. He chortled, breaking his gaze from her and making an effort not to roll his eyes. "No, Alistair, I'm serious. By the time the Blight is through, it will have left Ferelden in pieces, near broken. You will understand what it is the people need. What more, you will inspire them." He glanced back at her and was surprised to see how earnestly she was speaking. "The nobility think that throwing a few coppers towards the poor is enough, and are angry and impatient when they're not happy. It will take a leader, someone who has lived in a village, in a _stable,_ in the Chantry... who has all of _that_ experience, to unite Ferelden once more. You will always have me or Eamon or even Aedan to help you with the politics, but the overall goodness the kingdom needs... that can only come from you."

She crawled up closer to him, pressing her lips against his forehead. "I want you to make the right decision, Alistair," she whispered. "Make the choice to do what you want to do, and not out fear of what you think you can't do."

* * *

Several days later, the companions exited Orzammar with a new companion in tow. The open sky seemed to lift everyone's spirits, and it was with confidence that Alistair marched beside Aedan. Elissa ran ahead with Leliana, shrieking with laughter, happy to be out of the confines of the stone city. Morrigan circled above them in her raven form, clearly excited with the ability to be able to do so once more. Even Sten graced them with a rare smile.

Though Alistair could not deny that his stomach was filled with nerves as they made their way back to Redcliffe to prepare for the Landsmeet, where his future would ultimately be decided, he felt calm and serene. They had successfully filled their three treaties, saved Redcliffe, and made friends and allies throughout Ferelden. The Landsmeet was just another obstacle to face before the real challenge: the archdemon.

Alistair clapped his hand on Grey brother's shoulder, a strange giddiness fulfilling him. Aedan turned and gave him an amused expression, but they continued on. They'd get through the Landsmeet, then the final battle, then onto whatever life had in store for them.

He could do anything with the Couslands by his side.


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: I apologize for the delay! Started a new job and a new class and trying to figure out how to be a real adult now... it's pretty time consuming. But I promise you, this story will be finished soon! I will **not** abandon this :)_

_Disclaimer: No, not mine. I do start to get a little away from canon though. I admit, I thought of many of these scenes before actually finishing the game, and while I have altered them so they fit canon a bit more, my muse is as stubborn as I am and won't let me fully change them. So please, just enjoy the story as it is :)_

* * *

The journey from Redcliffe to Denerim for the Landsmeet kept Alistair on his toes, though not for the reasons he had expected.

Arl Eamon was very interested in keeping proprietary of all things, especially during their travels. As the prince and rightful heir of the kingship, Alistair was forced to ride in a carriage in the middle of the pack, surrounded by some knights of Redcliffe who were assigned as his temporary kingsguard. Eamon refused to allow him to wear is heavy plate and gave him decorative chainmail to wear. "A true king is something that the people can aspire to be, and therefore should always look his best. You are no longer some common warrior covered in blood and mud." Alistair at least convinced Eamon to let him keep his sword with him; the people would need to see that their king could protect them. Eamon looked leary at that argument, but allowed it, much to the delight of Aedan who had stood beside him.

Perhaps this rhetoric thing wasn't too difficult.

Alistair never thought he'd miss camping in the open with his companions, staying up well into the night on watch, but he did. His friends were all separated for the sake of propriety as well, and Alistair found that he missed all of them, even Zevran and his innuendos, or Morrigan with her snarky comments. _Anything_ was better than the pageboys and servants that popped their head in his carriage every other minute to see if they could be of any assistance.

Aedan led the party on horseback along with Zevran and Sten, whom he named Friends of the Grey Wardens. Morrigan was nowhere to be found, at least according to those from Redcliffe, but none of the companions missed the raven constantly flying above them. Elissa was stuck in another carriage with Leliana as her lady-in-waiting, which seemed rather silly to Alistair, but neither of them seemed to mind her new role.

"This situation is already rather unorthodox," Eamon explained as he joined Alistair in his carriage for a short time. "While you are the rightful king, the circumstances regarding King Cailan's death and Teryn Loghain's rule are bound to cause some grief. We want to make sure everything will go as smoothly as possible."

It also meant that Elissa and Alistair had to pretend to barely even know each other. Alistair needed to appear single before the Landsmeet to garner more support, while Elissa had to seem distant from Alistair so she would not seem like an opportunist. They even attended separate fires at night, since many of the Redcliffe guards did not know about their true relationship, and Eamon wanted to rumors to be circulating Denerim.

It made Alistair miserable.

At the very least, he got to spend his time in the carriage with Wynne, who was being named his official 'court mage.' Alistair scoffed at the title, claiming she was so much more than that, but Wynne only chuckled and shook her head.

"Alistair, if you do choose to become king, then that will simply be my title, just as yours will be 'King' and Aedan's will be 'Commander,'" she explained.

"But at least our titles come with the respect of having our names in them," he retorted. "Wynne, you've saved all of our lives on more than one occasion. It isn't right that you're simply called a 'court mage' when we wouldn't have made it very far without you. Just because you have magic... you're still a person..."

Her laugh interrupted him. "I'm glad you are able to see past my... abilities, but you must understand that society does not. You do understand that; that was very nearly your path in life, if it had not been for the Grey Wardens." She sighed as she looked out the window of the carriage, watching the familiar scenery pass by. "The Chantry has everyone believing that we are monsters... and perhaps we are."

"You're not," he said quickly. "Never believe that, Wynne." She gave him a small smile.

"As king, you will not have great influence over the Chantry, but perhaps, if you are so inclined, you could influence the people that not all mages are to be feared."

He stared at her, wide-eyed. "I could do that?" he asked, perplexed.

She chuckled again, truly amused. "You'll have power to do a lot of things, Alistair. If you can win the hearts of the people and make them trust you, your influence will go a long way. I doubt you'll be able to change any official rule or law regarding the Chantry and the mages, but you could spark a new belief system." She laid a gentle hand on his arm, and Alistair felt comforted, very much as though, he imagined, he was being comforted by his own mother. "You will see what the people need, Alistair, and I have no doubt that you will do everything in your power to make Ferelden a better place for all."

* * *

If being king meant being in the middle of arguments all day, everyday, then Alistair was already regretting his decision.

He hadn't made it officially yet, but after his conversation with Wynne and revisiting what Elissa had told him, he came of the conclusion that he could, in fact, make a difference for the better as king. Seeing the desperation in Denerim also opened his eyes. Last they were there, he hadn't noticed it as much; he and his companions were already in a desperate enough situation. But the amount of refugees who escaped to Denerim had increased since then, and the realization hit him hard.

For the first time, he truly saw that he and Aedan were not the only ones affected by the Blight.

He _knew_ about Lothering and it's destruction from the horde. He _knew_ that there were villages destroyed and refugees fleeing. But now, he was truly understanding it.

Alistair had studied his history, particularly around the time when his father came to power; It had fascinated him as a young boy when he first learned of who his father was. Loghain had been a great hero that helped drive back the Orlesian forces. But that was when he had been in his prime, and the Orlesians had been the rightful enemies. With Loghain as Regent and in power, Ferelden would always fear the Orlesians as their only enemy. Only Alistair could prove to the people that that battle was behind them, and the darkspawn and the archdemon were who they must face.

That being said, Eamon was truly beginning to drive him crazy with his meticulous plans. Eamon wanted to decide every miniscule detail regarding their impending meeting with the nobles of Ferelden: what Alistair would wear, which companions should be present and what order they should stand in, if Elissa should make a separate entrance altogether...

The strangest thing was that Eamon had suddenly stopped hounding Alistair on his decision. It was only yesterday when Eamon asked him at least a dozen times between breakfast and supper whether or not Alistair had decided to take his rightful place as king. Alistair continued to brush him off, promising him an answer in the morning.

It was already after lunch, and Eamon had not asked him once.

He ventured into the arl's study where they were having their final meeting before the Landsmeet tomorrow. As usual, Alistair was the last to arrive, dreading their meetings more so than everyone else. What was unusual, Alistair noticed as he walked through the door, was that everyone was silently waiting for him. Normally, Eamon would be madly discussing his plans, trying to get an opinion from either of the Couslands while his own servants nodded eagerly to the side.

Alistair caught Aedan's eye, and for once, the usually stoic commander looked troublesome. The only thing worse than an overzealous Eamon, they silently agreed, was a quiet, brooding one. The pair exchanged nervous glances as the arl straightened himself, finally noticing Alistair entered the room.

"Ah, Alistair. Good, you're here. We can begin." He stood up straighter and looked directly at Alistair, who fidgeted nervously under his stern gaze. "I believe I have figured out a solution that will quiet even the loudest of protesters, including Loghain himself." Alistair glanced towards Elissa, who had her eyebrows raised suspiciously at the arl's back. "It does not give us the answer of what to do with Teryn himself, mind you," he continued, ignoring all others in the room. "But the bannorn will have nothing to complain about, should this be the path you take. And, Alistair, I highly suggest you decide this course of action."

Alistair cautiously took a step backwards. Something wasn't right... Eamon never ignored Aedan, the future savior of Ferelden, or Elissa, the future queen. Somehow, this plan did not involve them. "What is this magnificent plan, then?" he questioned, already knowing he was not going to like the answer.

"Very simple: marry Anora." Elissa's face went white as her eyes widened and Aedan clenched his fists at his side. "She has the experience ruling as queen for the past several years. Her blood is noble and you have the Theirin blood required to keep the traditionalists quiet; it is the perfect pair. A royal couple in the making. None of the banns will be able to argue against this. We can quietly move past the quarrel over the throne and focus on what truly matters."

The Couslands stood behind the arl, seething, hurt, and betrayed. As much as Alistair hated to admit it, he saw the logic in Eamon's plan. An engagement between the rightful king and the established queen would effectively cancel any and all arguments either side would have. Eamon stood before him, stern and foreboding, and the look he was receiving made him feel like he was nine years old once again, terrified of disappointing the man who gave him a home...

_But everyone is out for themselves, Alistair. You should learn that._

Elissa's voice from long ago echoed through his mind. She had once urged him to stand up for himself, to put himself first. Perhaps marriage to Anora would stop arguments from occurring now, but would that simple path really be worth living the rest of his life in misery? It was _Elissa_ who gave him courage, _Elissa_ who inspired him to be better, and he knew that only with Elissa would he be a successful and happy king. After everything they have done and everything they would do, they both deserved to be happy.

He looked past Eamon and saw Elissa turned away, grief overcoming her. She knew that Eamon was right. If either of the Couslands spoke against Eamon now, they would only be seen as opportunists who wanted one of their own to be put on the throne. Alistair watched as she held her head high, avoiding anyone's gaze, but she would be damned if anyone saw her weakness.

"_No._" The word was out of his mouth before he even realized it. All three heads snapped to attention. "No," he repeated, standing up straight and looking Eamon in the eye. Eamon turned his head to the side and took a deep breath, ready to scold him like a petulant child.

"Alistair," he whispered harshly, keeping his voice down so the Couslands may not hear him. "I know you have... _feelings_ for the girl, but Anora is just as lovely..."

"Eamon, stop," he commanded. Eamon stood up straighter, not used to Alistair being as forceful. "If I am to be king, then I will choose my queen. And I _will_ be king." Aedan stood behind Eamon, giving Alistair a small, proud smile. "You're right, Eamon; it is my responsibility to take my rightful place as king. I realize that now. But I'll be damned if the daughter of a traitor will sit beside me. No," he said again, wanting to drive his point home. "I will be Ferelden's king, and Elissa will be its queen. You want us to wait a year before we officially announce our engagement? _Fine,_" he snarled, and it was Eamon's turn to take a step back. "But Elissa will be my wife before the end of next year. And as for my feelings for the Lady Cousland..." he began, making sure Eamon knew he was completely serious. "I love her. I know that's a rarity among royalty, but there you have it."

Eamon fumed, but he knew arguing against Alistair with his new found confidence would get him nowhere. He turned towards Aedan, who simply raised his eyebrows questioningly at him. His anger had vanished when Alistair had bravely stood against Eamon, and it was easy to see who left that battle victorious. "Aedan," Eamon began. Aedan's eyes flashed once more towards Alistair, and the two of them questioned what Eamon was attempting to do now. "There is one more path that we have not considered taking, but it is worth discussing. You too are of noble blood, and putting you next to Anora..."

"Oh, no no no," Aedan replied, holding up his hands. It was almost laughable, Eamon attempting to convince Aedan to take the throne, when all he had done for the past several months was attempt to convince Alistair that it was his responsibility. "I am Commander of the Grey, as you once pointed out. Once this Blight is through, it will be my responsibility to restore Ferelden's Grey Wardens to their former glory. Attempting to put me with Anora is a ridiculous stretch, Eamon, if she would even have me. And quite frankly, I don't exactly want her, either."

Eamon huffed, admitting defeat. "Well, then, that's settled. Tomorrow morning is the Landsmeet. Please, don't be late." And with that, he stormed out of the room, leaving the three companions behind, bewildered.

Both Elissa and Aedan beamed at Alistair, proud that he stood up for himself, especially against Eamon. Alistair turned to Elissa, wanting to share some sort of moment with her, even if it was with her brother; they hadn't spent any time together since arriving to Denerim. He stepped towards her, reaching out his hand to take hers, when two young elven maids burst through the door, followed closely by Leliana. They bustled Elissa out the door, speaking of dress fittings and baths, and as Leliana followed them out, she shot an apologetic look towards Alistair.

Alistair's shoulders sagged, and Aedan placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You did well, Alistair."

Alistair snorted, rolling his eyes at the compliment. "It was only Eamon."

"You see, mate," Aedan began, giving Alistair a pointed look. "It takes courage to stand up to those who oppose you, but it's easy to prove your enemies wrong and claim victory for yourself against them. It takes a great deal more to stand up to those who are close to you; inevitably, you risk losing them." He eyed the door suspiciously. "Though I'm not sure losing Eamon would be that terrible. Meddlesome bastard. What was he thinking, suggesting that I marry Anora?"

Alistair chuckled. "Now you know how I've been feeling for the past several months," he laughed. "I did the right thing, right? I mean, I know you're biased... she's your sister..."

"The Couslands place the necessities of Ferelden at large before our own personal needs," Aedan muttered. A pained look crossed his face, one that was familiar to Alistair; he often saw the same expression on Elissa's face when she spoke of her family. Alistair wondered if Aedan was quoting something his father once said. "Elissa's the right choice, mate, politically speaking. There's thought that perhaps Anora is unable to have children and provide an heir... Eamon would remember that; it was rumored he spoke to Cailan about leaving her. And everyone knew that Anora was the one who actually ruled. If you want to make a change in Ferelden, she would block your every path. The rightful heir marrying the daughter of Ferelden's second family... they will easily accept that. In fact, I'm sure you'll have a couple of Banns claiming it was their idea." He chuckled ruefully; he was clearly not accustomed to talking about the engagement of his sister.

He glanced at Alistair, who was looking longingly at the door. "She really has you whipped, huh?" Alistair's attention snapped back to Aedan, and he blushed furiously. "I know you miss her, but it _is_ necessary. Besides, you'll be stuck with her for the rest of your life. You'll get sick of her eventually."

Alistair began to laugh, then stopped himself. "You're going to hit me no matter how I respond to that, aren't you?"

Aedan's only response was to punch him lightly in the arm.

* * *

A sharp rap on the door to his chambers shook Alistair from his thoughts. He placed his book down on his bedside table and stood, wondering who would be knocking this late at night. He hoped it would be Elissa, but he knew it was unlikely; even she would not dare to sneak around in the middle of the night, not this close to the Landsmeet.

He opened his door to a familiar sight, yet not one that he expected to see. Aedan stood before him, fully armored and covered in blood. Behind him at the end of the hall stood Morrigan, leaning against the wall, watching Aedan from afar. Alistair's eyes widened, surprised. "Aedan, what...?"

"It's done," he uttered, not quite looking Alistair in the eye. Morrigan's eyes flickered from the torchlight, never leaving Aedan. Alistair sharply inhaled, understanding.

Howe was dead.

"Elissa... does she...?" he began, but Aedan's curt shake of the head answered immediately.

"Not yet. I'm going to clean up then tell her." Aedan pulled his heavy gauntlet off and ran his hand over his face, sighing heavily. "I thought... I thought I'd feel..."

He put his hand on Aedan's shoulder, making his Grey brother look at him. He looked so... lost. Alistair had never seen him look like that before, even after Ostagar. He couldn't possibly know how Aedan was feeling, but he wanted Loghain dead just as much as Aedan had wanted to kill Howe. Would he feel the same way if he ever got the chance to kill his traitor?

He paused to think of what emotions might course through him if he did kill Loghain. _Happy_ wouldn't be the right way to think about it, but _relieved, fulfilled, gratified..._ those words came to mind.

One thing was for sure: he had no idea how he would feel after killing the man responsible for this mess, but he would never overcome his regret if he let him just walk away.


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: So I must say, I changed the concept of the Landsmeet quite a bit. To me, it doesn't make as much sense in the game, and it definitely doesn't fit into the story I've created here. The Landsmeet is about deciding who the rightful ruler, therefore it should be between Alistair and Loghain (actually Alistair and Anora, but I'll let that bit slide). Instead, it's between Loghain and Eamon, then Loghain and the Warden, and that just doesn't work for me. So like the last warning, this deviates from canon a bit, but I hope you stick with it!_

* * *

Alistair promised himself he wouldn't do this, but he was a weak, _weak_ man. Aedan was right; he was _whipped_.

He stood anxiously outside Elissa's door, debating whether or not to knock. They still had a few hours until the Landsmeet was to start, and Alistair had spent the morning with Eamon and his manservants helping him prepare. He was scrubbed clean, wearing silks that were probably worth more than all of his armor put together, and carrying a ceremonial sword that would never survive two minutes in battle.

He felt downright silly.

Timidly, he knocked on Elissa's door, promising himself that if she didn't hear it, he would leave and not see her until the Landsmeet. Hardly a few seconds went by, however, when the door flew open, and was greeted by the sight of Leliana. Her face fell into a frown, but she couldn't stop the twinkle in her eye.

"Alistair," she began, attempting to keep her voice accusatory but failing miserably. "You know how improper it is for Lady Cousland to be seen with a man alone, even one of your stature." He heard a quiet laugh behind her, and Leliana shook her head, struggling not to smile herself.

Alistair hastily took a step backwards, raising his eyebrows at the bard. She was certainly taking her role as Elissa's lady-in-waiting seriously. "Leliana, I didn't..."

"Oh, the rumors you could spread," she sighed. She sent a wink towards Elissa (or at least that's what Alistair assumed; he couldn't rightfully see her through the door). "Now, I am going to finalize our plans with Arl Eamon. I won't be back for at least an hour, so please, behave yourself," she said to Elissa. Elissa only laughed again. "And you," she turned, pointing a finger at Alistair. "I spent a great deal of time working her hair into perfection. If you muss it up, I will be most displeased with you." And with that, she glided away, humming and laughing to herself about young lovers.

Once Leliana was around the corner, he cautiously took a step into the room, closing the door behind him. He turned and saw Elissa, and he swore the world stopped spinning.

Elissa was _beautiful_. He had always known that; it was one of his first thoughts when he met her in Ostagar. But he had never seen her like _this_ before.

Her hair shone like silk. Elissa had always been meticulous about combing her hair every night and washing it whenever she could, but life on the road did not allow the hygienic freedoms that life in a castle did. Delicate braids gently pulled her hair away from her face and curled neatly at the ends. Sky blue ribbons weaved through her hair that complimented the deep blue of her dress. A single emerald hung around her neck which made her eyes sparkle. The ties that held her dress together were of the same sky blue color as the ribbon in her hair. Leliana had applied some of her own fine cosmetics that simply highlighted Elissa's features; if Alistair had not spent the last several months with her by his side always without make up, he would not assume she was wearing any.

She stood from her vanity and faced him fully, smiling almost shyly at him. "I've missed you," she whispered from across the room.

Alistair had no words. Her beauty still stunned him, and simply saying he missed her as well would be an understatement. He crossed the room and took her in his arms, holding her close as he brought his lips to hers.

He kept his hands planted firmly on her waist, desperately wanting to comb his fingers through her hair and rid her of her new fancy dress. But he heeded Leliana's warnings, knowing that, at least for the next few hours, anything more than a simple kiss hidden away in her room was forbidden. He shouldn't even be alone with her in a closed room; if a maid or servant or, Maker forbid, another noble saw Alistair leave Elissa's room...

But as long as he held Elissa in his arms, he would worry about the consequences later.

Her hand came to rest on his cheek as he pulled away, her eyes sparkling. "I've missed you, too," he muttered, resting his forehead against hers. "I can't wait for this Landsmeet to be over. I hate pretending that I don't know you. I want you by my side."

She smiled, though there was sadness in her eyes. "I know. But after the Landsmeet, we'll be confronting the archdemon, and assuming we all survive, I'll need to return to Highever to reclaim the Cousland land. You'll be staying here in Denerim for at least a few months." Her arms came around his middle as she rested her head against his chest. He kissed the top of her head, careful not to muss one of her braids. "You'll travel all over Ferelden to see to the country's restoration. The daughters and sisters and granddaughters of all sorts of lords will be throwing themselves at you." She looked back up at him, resting her chin against him. A wicked gleam in her eyes and a small smile on her lips told Alistair she was teasing, but there was still some doubt.

He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. "I don't want anyone else. I never will. None of those ladies were beside me through all of this. You were the first woman I ever loved, and I promise you, you will be the last. The _only_ woman. Once we're married..." Something flickered through her eyes, and she tucked her head back down. He raised her chin with his finger to look her in the eyes. "Lis... will you marry me?"

Her eyes widened in surprise, then squinted in confusion. "Alistair, we're already betrothed. Unofficially, but still..."

"I'm not asking Lady Elissa Cousland, Teryna of Highever, as Prince Alistair, the future king. I'm asking Elissa, the woman I love, as plain Alistair, former Templar and Grey Warden. I know that we're the perfect political match, but that means nothing to me. I would want to spend the rest of my life with you, regardless of our birthrights. It doesn't seem like it, I know, but this is _our_ choice. And so I ask you, Elissa, will you marry me?"

She was shocked, that much he could tell. He racked his brain, thinking of everything she ever told him about her noble life before Ostagar. She wanted to marry for love, like her parents, and never thought she would find that type of love. She resented having choices made for her, especially ones that would alter her way of living. He loved her, and he knew she loved him. He was giving her the choice, the opportunity to say no. He prayed to the Maker that she wouldn't, but the option was there if she felt that was right.

Before she could say anything, the door burst open as Leliana hurried in. She shut the door quickly behind her and turned to the pair. "Your Highness," she began, and he rolled his eyes. It was bad enough that his friends had to call him that in public, but Leliana insisted on always calling him that, even in private, fearing that she would slip up in front of others. "Warden-Commander Aedan is looking for you. I saved him the trouble of having to come find you himself, and perhaps catch you with the Lady Cousland in a situation he may not necessarily want to see. You should find him before he changes his mind."

Alistair nodded, stepping away without looking at Elissa. But her hands tightened around his and she pulled him back for a delicate kiss. She wouldn't give him an answer yet. He smiled and gently ran his thumb over her cheek. He understood.

He opened the door and stepped through, and as he was pulling it shut behind him, Elissa called his name. He turned and looked at her. Her eyes glistened, her hair fell perfectly around her, and her dress clung to her beautifully. "I love you."

He smiled at her again. "I know," he whispered, and shut the door behind him.

* * *

"What in Andraste's flaming knickers are you wearing?"

Alistair ignored Aedan's pun and looked down at the silk he wore. "I know, I hate it. I feel ridiculous. But Eamon said this is what the nobility wears to a Landsmeet, and I need to fit in, so..."

Aedan rolled his eyes and pushed Alistair back towards his room. "That's what people would wear normally, yes, but this isn't a standard Landsmeet. I'd bet my life that Loghain will be showing up in his heaviest armor." He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "Come on, I want to show you something. Eamon will have a fit..." He spoke with a servant who scurried off, and he shut the door behind him. "Yes, normally, a Landsmeet is a formal occasion, where everyone tries to out-dress each other. But regardless of how the votes turn out, the loser will still be allowed to challenge the victor." He sighed as he leaned against the desk in Alistair's room. "Morrigan and Zevran have been sneaking around, listening to people's conversations. It seems the odds are in our favor. However, that won't stop Loghain from challenging you to a duel to claim his rights."

Alistair nodded, taking in the information as best he could. There would be a good chance his sword would be red with Loghain's blood by this afternoon, then. "Well, I should probably go find my armor..."

"Don't bother," Aedan muttered. Alistair opened his mouth to ask why not when someone knocked on the door. Aedan rushed to open it, and several elven lads walked in, carrying what looked a heavy set of golden armor...

Alistair's eyes widened as the elves gently laid the pieces on the bed, followed by a longsword and a shorter dagger. The longsword looked vaguely familiar to Alistair, but he'd recognize that dagger anywhere.

Hesitantly, he reached out and picked up the dagger. It felt strange in his hand; the leather was worn by a man with hands much larger than Alistair's. He set it down and ran his hand over the grip of the longsword. Without even raising it, he knew it would fit his hand well. He turned to the armor, which gleamed and shone. One would never be able to see the battle it withstood.

"Where did you get all these?" he uttered, unable to tear his gaze from the bed. Aedan stood beside him, looking down at the bed .

"Loghain had them stored in the palace. I couldn't help myself... Morrigan and I brought them over piece by piece last night." He motioned to one of the elves that remained in the room, who nodded and scurried off again. "I have one more thing to show you."

The elf returned carrying a large red steel shield. It was plain; there was no herald painted on it. Alistair tentatively took a hold of it, finding that it fit his arm well. "I had that commissioned for Elissa last year as a wedding present for her and her future husband. I wanted to have the two families' heralds painted on it together, to show the union of our families. Consider it an early wedding present." He smiled and clasped Alistair's shoulder. "With your shield, Cailan's armor, Maric's sword, and Duncan's dagger for good luck, you will look like exactly the king this country needs. Formidable, fierce, prepared to carry on tradition but will also adaptable, ready to do what is necessary to rebuild Ferelden." He stood up straight and looked Alistair in the eye. "It will be an honor to serve you, my king."

Alistair was left speechless and turned back to the armor and weapons that laid upon his bed. Aedan was right. He could do this.

He was ready.

* * *

Alistair strode into the large chamber with an air of confidence he didn't necessarily feel. Comforted by the weight of heavy armor and the sword and shield he carried on his back, he watched as unfamiliar faces eyed him suspiciously. He stood straighter, daring to look some in the eyes. Some flinched and turned their gaze elsewhere, some stood ogling him with their mouths agape, still others gazed at him with heavy, criticizing glares.

Aedan stood beside Eamon in the center of the room, next to Teryn Loghain. The traitor stood tall with a haughty expression on his face, though Alistair thought he saw a faintest sign of recognition then fear flutter through the man's eyes. It provided Alistair with a bit more confidence; clearly, Loghain had underestimated him until now.

Alistair looked around at the other nobles as he walked by, hoping to glance at Elissa. She stood in the far back, unnoticed by the others around her. Leliana stood beside her in the simple dress, and Alistair could just make out a shape of a lithe body standing in the shadows beside her. At least she wasn't alone. Alistair had no doubt that Leliana held her daggers close by, and as much as he hated to admit it, he knew Zevran would keep her safe from any and all harm.

He looked back at Loghain with his chin held high. The man sneered at the sighted, chuckling quietly to himself as Alistair stopped next to Eamon. "So this is your puppet, Eamon? The bastard son of the late King Maric? You want his _accident_ to rule over Ferelden?" He laughed again, a small menacing laugh, and it sent a chill down Alistair's spine. "I expected more from you."

"_Perhaps_ I was an accident, and _perhaps_ I was never meant to rule," Alistair began, cutting Eamon off before he could speak. While it was true that Eamon officially called the Landsmeet, the true battle was between Alistair and Loghain, and the population would need to know that it was Alistair ruling, and not Eamon. "Life would have been much simpler if my brother was still alive and able to produce an heir. But the king lays dead, and though it was not your sword that did the deed, it was still by your hand."

The eyes of the surrounding nobles widened at the accusation. Even Eamon looked surprised at his use of rhetoric. Aedan stood strong with his face neutrally blank as it always was during important meetings, but a sense of pride washed over him.

"Gentlemen, if you please," Eamon began, holding up his hands to silence the men. "Let us begin."

The accusations started flying. The Grey Wardens killed the king. Loghain deserted the king and his men in their time of need. Alistair and Aedan disturbed the peace in Denerim. Loghain was selling elves from the alienage into slavery. Loghain allowed Howe to kidnap and torture men and women. Aedan and the Grey Wardens would sell Ferelden to the Orlesians. Loghain was a traitor. Alistair was a traitor.

Most gasped at each accusation. Some even threw their own accusing glares at Loghain or Alistair, as if condemning their actions personally. A few gazed on passively, uninterested by the arguments, as if they had already made their decision.

"Enough!" cried Loghain. "I tire of this blasphemy. Who here can say that Anora is not fit to rule this land? And who can say that this Alistair is? We know nothing of him save that he may have royal blood. For five years, Anora has been queen, and proven herself worthy of the Theirin name. She can lead our people through this crisis, and I can lead her armies!" He looked triumphantly around the hall, though Alistair was relieved to see few shared his feeling. "My lords and ladies, our land has been threatened before. It's been invaded, and lost, and won times beyond counting. We Fereldans have proven that we will never truly be conquered so long as we are united. We must not let ourselves be divided now. Stand with me, and we shall defeat even the Blight itself!"

Voices began crying out through the hall, most in favor of Alistair. "Dragon's Peak stands with Alistair!" "Waking Sea gives its support to Alistair!" Several other banns and lords of lands called out in support for Alistair.

"I give my support to Teryn Loghain," cried Bann Ceorlic. "We've no hope of victory otherwise."

"Highever stands with King Alistair," came a soft voice. Elissa stepped forward to take the center of attention as those around her looked on curiously, not recognizing the young lady in the midst. Though she was not loud, her voice rang through the hall and captivated all listeners. "The Couslands have always supported the Theirins."

"Highever has no ruler," spat Loghain. "Teryn Howe was murdered in his home last night. No man deserves to be slain in his own territory."

"Poetic justice, then," replied Elissa. She was calmer than Alistair had ever seen her when discussing Howe, though her passion was still here. "That is exactly what he did to my parents and my household. For those of you who don't recognize me," she said, turning towards the crowd. "I am Elissa Cousland, daughter of the late Teryn Bryce and Teryna Eleanor Cousland. On the night that Highever's army departed for Ostagar to answer King Cailan's calling, Rendon Howe's army moved to Highever, and murdered nearly the entire household. It was only thanks to Duncan, the late Grey Warden-Commander, that I was able to escape." She stood straighter, refusing to seem weak in front of the Landsmeet. There weren't so many women, and she was certainly the youngest representative of all the nobles. "My eldest brother, Fergus, was lost at Ostagar. His son was murdered by the Howes. Aedan, my twin, has given up his title to become Ferelden's current Grey Warden-Commander. I am the youngest and last Cousland, but Highever is rightfully mine."

She turned, looking at each individual. "And I repeat, Highever stands with King Alistair." She turned towards him and curtsied low to him. Others near her looked around warily, but began bowing towards Alistair as well.

_Nice touch,_ he thought, succeeding at not rolling his eyes. Instead, he gazed at Elissa proudly.

"The Landsmeet is against you, Loghain," Eamon said quietly. "Step down gracefully."

"We both knew it would eventually come to this. You can judge a man by the quality of his enemies. Maric once told me that. I wonder if that's more of a compliment to you or me." He turned to Alistair, sizing him up like a cow for slaughter. "What say you, _prince?_ Will you challenge me yourself, or do you require a champion?"

"I can defend myself, thanks," quipped Alistair. His plain shield reflected the light, blinding some of bystanders nearby. He pulled out Maric's sword, and a glimmer of recognition past through Loghain's eyes. The traitor snarled, positioning himself in a defensive stance.

By and large, Alistair was surprised at the lack of a challenge. Loghain was certainly strong, but Alistair was stronger. He also had the advantage of youth and stamina on his side. He channeled his rage into power, eventually knocking Loghain clear of his feet. Loghain's sword was just out of reach as he propped himself onto his knees.

"You are a traitor," Alistair muttered. "You abandoned your king to his death, and caused a civil war while you clamored for power. You will die a traitor's death."

Alistair stood straight, holding his sword wide, preparing to make the killing blow by cutting off his head. Loghain held his chin high defiantly, almost challenging Alistair to do it. Just as he was preparing to finish it, a scream stopped him.

"Wait!" It was Elissa who called to him. If it had been anyone else, he wouldn't have paused, but he raised his head questioningly.

Elissa stood beside Anora, whispering furiously to her. The former queen was shaking her head, tears streaming down her face as Elissa urged her on. Finally, Elissa's shoulders sagged, resigned. She turned towards Alistair and nodded her head.

Without further warming, Alistair swung his sword, beheading the man responsible for so much of his turmoil for the past year. He was only vaguely aware of the violent scream beside him.

* * *

He finally broke away from Eamon and the rest of the bloody nobles to find Elissa and Aedan outside the hall. Elissa looked like she had been crying while Aedan did his best to try and comfort her. As Alistair approached, Aedan turned to him and bowed, muttering "Your Majesty" as he walked away.

Alistair knew they were being watched. He had offered his thanks to all of the nobles who had stood for him, so it was only right that he thank Teryna Cousland of Highever as well. Still, it was a challenge to not pull her into his arms and hold her to comfort her.

She gave him a quick curtsy as a greeting, and he took her hand and pressed his lips gently to it. She didn't smile, and he silently begged her to tell him what was wrong.

"I was telling her to leave," she answered quietly, as if she read his mind. "She shouldn't have had to witness that... her own father being killed."

Alistair paused, a little stunned. "You think I should have let him live?" he asked quietly.

She shook her head. "Loghain was a traitor and deserved to die," she said sternly. She brought her eyes to him, and he could see they were full of tears again. "But he was also a father. And Anora... she was everything to him. And he was everything to her. I just..." she trailed off, looking into the distance. "I saw my father take some of his final breaths. I didn't want her to see that." She sighed, wiping her eyes. "I wish it didn't have to be like that."

Alistair had no idea how to respond, but before he was forced to, Aedan approached him, followed by an older man he had never seen before.

"We need to talk."


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N: Just a short little chapter here... more of an experiment, really. Alistair just refused to cooperate in this chapter, and Elissa's voice just kept coming out of no where, so I decided to try something different. In any case, we're nearing the end. There will be 17 chapters plus an epilogue. I can't believe it's almost over... And THANK YOU for 50 reviews! That's more reviews on one piece that I've ever received! A big landmark for me :) So again, thank you to everyone who has reviewed (and a thank you in advance to those who decide to review now!). _

* * *

How could she possibly choose?

As if those around her hadn't given up enough already. As if _she_ hadn't lost enough already. And now fate would only take away_ more?_

She knew that, in war, there was always the possibility of someone she loved not surviving. They all have been extremely lucky so far on their journey. But even though the chances of someone from her newly formed family being killed in action were high, there was still that hope... the faintest glimmer of _hope_... that they could all survive and live to see Ferelden rebuild.

And now that hope was gone. One of them had to die.

Her brother or her lover.

But which one?

Aedan wasn't just her brother, but her _twin._ They came into this world together, and had been inseparable until young adulthood, when their requires roles forced them apart. That hadn't stopped their close friendship; Aedan was a constant source of support for Elissa growing up, especially when the topic of suitors was forced on her.

Friends of the Couslands always said the pair could not be any different... a boy and a girl, a strong warrior and a lithe archer, a leader of men and a girl who hated keeping company of most other women. But those who knew them best could see how similar they truly were. The strong pride in Ferelden and honor of being a Cousland ran deep in their veins, instilled in them at a very young age. Both has a gentle nature, but a fierce sense of loyalty. Both could captivate an audience, and most learned that Elissa could engage in serious conversations as maturely as her brother if one attempted to try.

And Alistair... Alistair was unlike anyone she had ever met. Goofy and consistently attempting to make jokes made her write him off as an insensitive soldier when they first met at Ostagar. But the depression he fell into after being rescued showed that he cared more deeply for his men than she thought him capable. They formed a special bond their few first weeks of meeting; something that could only be shared by those who had witnessed everything they ever had disappear in an instant.

She slowly began to get to know him even more, and what she discovered made her heart melt. He was smart, much smarter than he gave himself credit for. He showed a similar sense of loyalty and dedication that the Couslands so highly regarded, especially to the men he lost and the task he was force to confront. And he _was_ funny; he never failed to bring a smile to her lips.

She could never see herself loving another man as much as she loved him.

But she already lost her entire blood family. Did she have to lose her last remaining brother too?

So again, she asked, how could she choose?

* * *

It was a strange feeling, Aedan thought, knowing you were going to die.

He knew of the possibilities during battle. He knew he wasn't invincible. One small error, his own or of those around him, could mean the end of his life. But he was always sure of his abilities, and of the abilities of his companions. He calculated their odds of coming out of battle unscathed each time they fought, and they were always successful.

But the final battle with the archdemon would be different. No matter his skill, he would die.

He never considered letting Alistair take the final blow. He was Ferelden's king now, and if there was ever a time where the country would need a strong monarch, it was now. Alistair, with Elissa by his side, would successfully help Ferelden recover. He would become a phenomenal king, she a splendid queen, and the pair a beloved royal couple that would continue the Theirin bloodline.

He stopped thinking that life was unfair. He stopped his anger towards Duncan for never disclosing such information. He had come to terms with what was going to happen. His death would save the country and all of Thedas from certain destruction.

He could live with that.

A sudden knock on the door stirred him from his thoughts, and he looked up to se Morrigan step in. She shut the door tightly behind her.

He loved her, he realized. What had started out as convenience and pleasure turned into something deeper. He had never expected to fall in love with an apostate, and she never expected to fall in love with a noble. Yet here they were.

Gently twisting the ring on his finger, he stood and strode over to her. She gave him a blazing look that was all too familiar and held her head up high.

"I believe I have the solution to this dilemma, if you'd agree to it."


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N: This is it! The last chapter before the epilogue... :) I'll save the long, drawn out author's note for the finale!_

* * *

Alistair collapsed into his chair, utterly exhausted. Thankful for whatever servant remembered to light his fire, he yawned and stretched, absorbing as much of the heat as possible. With the darkspawn encroaching, tainting the lands, the air always felt cold and damp, giving Alistair a constant chill.

He supposed he should feel tired, at least in the sense that he should want to sleep. He had spent the last several hours surrounded by banns and arls and generals of armies, devising the best strategies they could against the darkspawn and its leader. As deranged as the thought was, he was grateful that the first time he had to lead these men was with something he had experience with. He knew how to fight, he knew war, and he knew darkspawn. With Aedan's help, Alistair was confident that they were prepared as they could be to defeat the archdemon.

As exhausted as his mind felt, Alistair was restless. The last thing he wanted to do was fall asleep. In his own chambers, at least.

Without really thinking, he stood back up and hurried out of his chambers, winding through the hallways to find Elissa's room, desperate to spend what may be his last night with her. Whatever magics Aedan was participating in may save their souls from the archdemon, but that didn't necessarily mean they would all survive the battle.

The thought of the ritual made him shiver. He didn't want to particularly think about his best friend and Grey brother participating in such unknown, ancient magic, nor the thought of his offspring trapped alone in the wilds with Morrigan next spring. Still, this ritual was the only thing allowing him to have a sense of hope that they would all survive the upcoming battle.

He reached her door and didn't bother knocking, not particularly caring if Leliana was present or not. He opened her door and shut it tightly behind him. Elissa was standing by the fire, already in her bed clothes and her hair braided tightly. She jumped as her door opened, startled by her sudden visitor, but Alistair never broke his stride as he marched towards her.

She willingly embraced him, wrapping her arms tightly around his middle as he buried his face in her hair. A dull ache spread throughout his chest... he hadn't realized how much he had missed her. From early on in their friendship she had continuously brought him comfort with her kind words, gentle touches, or even mere presence. The past few days of traveling and planning and adjusting to being a king had taken a toll on him, and now he wanted nothing more than to unwind with Elissa. Nobody had seen him leave his room, and nobody saw him enter Elissa's, but even if they did, he didn't care. Not tonight.

She twisted to look at him, bringing her hand to cup his cheek. "Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"I am going to bed," he replied, bringing his lips to hers. "With you."

They had made love many times since their first time together, each time becoming less awkward and with fewer fumblings. There had always been a few hesitations, a few questioning looks, or accidental hair tugging, but in the end they both always found their pleasure, and Alistair loved nothing more than the content and spent feeling he felt while he fell asleep with Elissa in his arms.

But tonight there would be none of those awkward fumblings. He had missed her for far too long; they rarely had time to be alone together to speak, let alone anything more daring than stealing a kiss or two.

Her arms came up to wrap around his neck, pulling him closer to her. Without hesitating, he lifted her off her feet as her legs settled tightly around his waist. He strode over to the bed, laying her down and covering her body with his. He shivered as her fingertips traced along the bare skin under the hem of his shirt, leaning back ever so slightly so she could drag it over his head. He wasted no time shedding her of her own shirt and buried his head in the crook of her neck, kissing down her neck and chest as he began tugging at her breeches. Their pants were both thrown to the ground, and he settled himself over her, kissing her as if he had missed her for years and years.

She surprised him then, hooking her leg around him and flipping him over. He landed hard on his back with a _oomph_, but he could hardly complain as Elissa leaned over him. Alistair's mind went pleasantly blank as he felt the weight of Elissa's body pressed against him. He gasped as he felt her hand wrap around him, gently squeezing as she led him to her. She rocked back, arching as he entered her. He grasped her hips tightly as he sunk into her. With a moan, she began to rock.

Their desperation and fear for tomorrow's battle turned to fierce passion in their lovemaking. Alistair allowed himself to get completely lost in her, to only feel what was around him; the coolness of the satin sheets under him, her hair that tickled his chest when she leaned forward, the heat and need and want they were sharing.

He spread his legs wider and sat up, gripping her tightly as the angle of their pleasure changed. He moaned as he felt Elissa's lips and tongue and teeth on his neck, moving his hands down to her buttocks to support her better. Her lips found his, and together found their pleasure.

He collapsed back into the soft pillows, feeling more sated and exhausted than ever. Elissa crawled to his side, giving him a lingering kiss as she got settled. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her close, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep with the feeling of her in his arms.

Alistair idly ran his fingers up and down her back. As desperate as he began to feel for sleep, he realized this was the first, and possibly, last time that the two of them were truly alone together with little chance of interruption. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, that he wanted to make sure she knew, in case...

She turned her head up to face him, resting her cheek on his chest. "Are you ready for tomorrow?"

He brushed back a piece of hair that fell loose from her braids. "We're as ready as we'll ever be, I think. The lords and their armies seem to understand what's happening, and Aedan and Riordan seem confident." With the mention of her brother, Elissa's eyes lost focus; he knew she was thinking of the ritual he was partaking in. No doubt she felt wary about it as well, but like Alistair, she knew it was the only way to gain some sort of hope.

He tried to distract her, leaning forward and kissing her forehead. "Aedan tells me you won't be in the battle tomorrow?"

A dark look flashed over her lovely features. "No, I'll be here in the castle, tending to the wounded as they come. He's adamant that a Cousland must remain safe, even with Loghain and Howe out of the way," she said, her swollen lips falling into a frown.

"I know you hate the idea, love, but I can't lie and say I'm not relieved that you'll be safe in the castle."

She gave him a hard look. "Everyone I love and care for will be fighting tomorrow. Everyone I have left in this world. Tell me, would you be pleased if you were forced to stay here for your safety while we were all out risking our lives?"

He sighed, understanding her frustration. "The idea was brought up more than once tonight." He pulled her closer as she tucked her head under his chin. "Please, Lis, stay safe. I couldn't bear it if I lost you after all this."

She remained silent, battling between wanting to assure him and wanting to argue. "As long as you come back to me, Your Majesty."

He groaned, rolling over her and pinning her under him. "Not you, too," he muttered into her neck. She gave a throaty chuckle as his stubble brushed over her neck. "With all these titles, I'm likely to forget everyone's given name."

* * *

The scene surrounding him was chaos; just pure and utter chaos. Around him were men, darkspawn, dogs, ogres... all fighting, dead, or dying.

He looked around him, hoping to see any of his companions. Aedan had left him behind, taking Morrigan, Wynne, and Zevran along as he made his way towards the archdemon. He was not pleased by this decision, but Aedan swore that he would protect his king.

"I'm your brother, too!" he had cried. "If Morrigan's magic works like she claims it will, then it doesn't matter who deals the final blow!"

Amidst the chaos, Aedan stood calmly, shaking his head. "I made a promise, Alistair. Riordan and I will kill this monster, and you will walk back into that castle. You will be king, and you will marry my sister, and all will end right in the world. I promised her that much."

Alistair tried to refuse, but Aedan grasped him by the arms. Alistair realized he was being left behind again, just like in Ostagar.

He really hated that feeling.

He shook himself from his thoughts as Sten joined his side, struggling to keep his breath as he held his side. Alistair noticed blood flowing freely through the gap between his armor. "Sten..."

"It is nothing," the qunari insisted. "Nothing the elder mage cannot fix when we return victorious."

Alistair slipped the tips of his fingers into his boots, not something easily done with heavy chainmail gloves. Gently, he pulled out a small vial full of red liquid. "Here," he said, handing it to the massive man beside him. Sten took it, nodding his thanks, and threw his head back as he downed it.

Alistair jumped as something wrapped around his ankle. He looked down to see a knight from Redcliffe lying in his own blood. His breaths were coming out in short, shallow gasps, and a thin trail of blood trickled out of the side of his mouth. "Your Majesty..."

His automatic response was to still cringe and correct the man, but he held his tongue as he knelt down next to the fallen knight. "My good sir," he responded. He looked down at the gruesome wound the man had sustained and knew that a simple, lesser healing potion would accomplish nothing. He placed his hand on the man's shoulder, and the knight struggled to cover Alistair's gauntleted hand with his own.

"I'm sorry... I... failed... I failed you... my king..."

"No, Ser Knight," he urged. "You are brave. You fought most valiantly. I..." Alistair wasn't sure what else to say as he watched this man take some of his final breaths.

The knight smiled, though it looked more like a grimace. "I will rejoin my wife. I will be at the Maker's side. For Fereldan..." The knights raspy voice faded, and Alistair watched as the light disappeared from his eyes.

He stood, looking grimly down at the dead man by his feet. He opened his mouth to give the command to move on when he heard shouts and guttural noises from behind him. "Warden, look out!" he heard Sten cry.

Alistair turned and saw an alpha rise, only a few feet away from him. He readied his sword and shield, but the alpha was already swinging his broad sword. Time nearly froze as he watched in horror the blade coming swinging towards him... it would hit him hard...

An arrow whizzed by Alistair's head and embedded itself in the alpha's eye. Two more arrows caught it in the neck, and Alistair watched in awe as it fell, sprawled at his feet. He turned to find his savior, expecting a random archer, or perhaps even Leliana, but he'd recognized those chestnut braids swinging underneath that helmet anywhere.

Before Alistair had the opportunity to say anything, Elissa ripped off her helmet and marched right up to him. "Don't you _dare_ try to send me back to the castle!" she shouted. Alistair held his hands up defensively, but Elissa was not done with her rant. "I have been up since before sunrise, setting up medical areas and assisting the healer mages. I've been trying to calm crying children and terrified women, when I myself wanted nothing more than than to scream and pull my hair out!" She huffed and stared pointedly at Alistair as if daring him to argue, but she didn't bother to give him the time to formulate a sentence, let alone speak. " What was the point of countless hours on the practice field with Highever's soldiers training with my bow and my swords if not to help combat Fereldan's biggest enemy? _No_, I will _not_ be going back to the castle! I am..."

He didn't wait for her to finish, knowing she could rant for quite the extended period of time. He was never good at calming or silencing her; he usually waited for her to finish before he tried to reason with her. But they didn't have the luxury of time right now, and maybe he had gotten hit harder in the head than he realized, but he had never found her so _desirable_. Knowing that his men were around him and not caring one bit, he silenced her in the only way he could think of: grabbing her around her middle and pulling her close, kissing her soundly.

Men shuffled around them as they moved on to find more darkspawn. Perhaps they were muttering about what their king was doing, but then again, perhaps they wouldn't even notice or remember. Being so utterly distracted in the middle of a battle was hardly a good idea, Alistair knew, but he felt this utter sense of freedom by throwing caution to the wind, as Zevran often said. Besides, both the taint that ran through his veins and the others around him would warn him of any encroaching danger. Hopefully.

He pulled back slightly to see her stunned face and chuckled. "I've never been happier to see you before."

She smiled, relieved that she wasn't being sent away. Not that she would have listened, anyway. "Come on, Your Highness. Let's find that pesky archdemon and get rid of it."

* * *

He felt rather than saw the archdemon approach. He had felt its agitation as its darkspawn troops were slowly being defeated, and he couldn't explain how, but he just _knew_ that the archdemon was nearing. He turned to the top of Fort Drakon and watched as the magnificent demon took its place. There was a figure beside it that could only be Aedan. There wasn't too much fighting going on around Alistair, and he was able to tuck himself into a corner with Elissa as they watched the other Grey Warden take on the demon.

Zevran was busy fending off darkspawn soldiers as they attempted to defend their old, tainted god. Morrigan and Wynne stayed in the middle, sending spells to aid Zevran and Aedan both in their battles. Aedan was left to face the archdemon alone. Morrigan's various spells didn't seem to have too much effect on the dragon, but at least Wynne could heal him when needed.

"We can't let him fight that thing alone," Elissa said beside him. She looked towards the path that led to the tower, but the way was blocked with darkspawn and men in battle. She looked in the opposite direction, trying to find any possible way to reach her brother. "Come on," she said, grabbing Alistair's arm and pulling him along.

He followed her as they climbed over fallen debris and dead bodies alike. She was much more graceful than he was and was not burdened by heavy metal armor, so Alistair lagged behind her. "Hurry up!" she urged as he attempted to climb over what seemed to be the side of a building that had crumbled.

"Elissa, what are you planning, to _climb_ into Fort Drakon?" he cried incredulously as they reached the base of it.

"There has to be a passageway up there from here... an escape route if anything had gone wrong," she replied, running along the base. She gave a happy yelp as she found a half concealed door. "This will lead us up there somehow." She pulled it as hard as she could, twisting the handle and pulling down. "Alistair, help me with this!"

"Lis, think this through..." But he never got to finish this thought. Suddenly, a bright, white light flashed above them, momentarily blinding them. The earth shook as they heard a tremendous, inhuman scream. Rocks and debris began to fall around them. Alistair grabbed Elissa and pulled her close to the wall, squatting down and throwing his shield above their heads. It was only a few seconds that passed until the ground below them stopped trembling and the debris stopped tumbling towards them, but it was clear the damage had been done.

From the distance, they could see the darkspawn beginning to flee. The monsters dropped their swords in terror as they tried to shove each other out of way. Some men took advantage of the chaos, slaughtering the darkspawn as they ran by, but most were in shock themselves, watching the monsters flee before them and turning their gaze to the top of Fort Drakon.

Elissa pushed herself away from Alistair and ran into the open, trying to gaze upwards. She stumbled as she ran backwards, not watching her feet, but attempting to see any sight of her brother. Alistair made his way out to her and looked up himself. The archdemon's tail was hanging off the ledge, unmoving. From their angle, they could not see any movement, nor could they hear anything from above.

Around them, men starting cheering, celebrating their victory. A heavy weight lifted off from Alistair's shoulders.. the Blight was _over_. The archdemon was dead. They succeeded. They won.

It was _over_.

He turned to Elissa ready to embrace her, but she still stared above, tears openly streaming down her face. "Aedan," she whispered, barely loud enough for Alistair to hear.

Alistair's blood suddenly ran cold. Aedan should be alive. That ritual he did with Morrigan... that will have saved him! The witch cared for his Grey brother, that much had been obvious. If she told him that the ritual would save him, it would, right?

But even the odd sort of magic Morrigan promised would keep him alive couldn't save him from all the other dangers in war. A rogue arrow, a mace from a darkspawn, the archdemons tail... all could still kill him.

Alistair still could not see any movement from above. Desperately he looked around to find a path that would lead up there. The falling debris had rendered the secret door useless and blocked most of their paths. Beside him, Elissa was holding back sobs. Her breathing was heavy and labored as she stared above her. "AEDAN!"

They had to find their way up.

...

Aedan dodged a blast of fire just in time, rolling to the side and crashing into a low wall. The archdemon was weakening, but its fire power was stronger than ever. He backed away from its swinging tail. Though its movements were sluggish, it would have no problem shattering his bones.

The beast gave a horrible cry. Aedan saw an arrow protruding from its eye. He shot a grateful look to Zevran, more thankful than ever to have saved the elf's life, no matter how much grief and annoyance he had caused.

Aedan took the chance will the archdemon was distracted to run along its side, dragging his sword through the narrow skin of its wing. It angrily swung its claw at him, catching his platebody and sending him flying.

He gasped for air as he sat up, noticing that Zevran now had its attention. This was his chance. Though every muscle and bone in his body protested, he pushed himself to his feet and ran, throwing himself onto the beast's back. It didn't seem to notice him as it prepared itself to throw a ball of flames towards Zevran.

He dropped his shield and used both hands to stab his sword into its spine. The archdemon roared and reared back on its hind legs, but Aedan held on with all of his might. As the dragon fell forward again, he climbed a bit higher, stabbing his sword through the base of its skull.

The archdemon cried again, but a blinding white light encompassed them. Pain seared through out every fiber of his being; he felt as of his skin was being torn apart bit by bit. He had one crazed thought that this must be what being struck by lightning was like.

But that made no sense, he thought as he tumbled to the ground. Dragons had nothing to do with lightning.


	18. Epilogue

The sun was just about to peak over the horizon when a soft knock startled King Alistair from his sleep. It hadn't been a very good sleep, and Alistair felt groggy and stiff as he stretched out across his too-big bed, groaning as his joints popped and cracked. He pushed himself to sit up as a timid young man gently pushed open his bedroom door.

"Your Majesty?" he whispered, checking to see if Alistair was awake. "Begging your pardon, my lord, but Eamon says the first guests should be arriving soon, and..."

"I'm up, Bryant, thank you. Tell Eamon I'll be down in a few moments," Alistair said from his bed, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

Bryant nodded and began to scurry out. "They're bringing up water for your bath now, sir. I'll let him know immediately." And with that, he ran out the door.

Alistair hadn't even swung his legs off the side of his bed when several servants ran in with buckets of hot water to pour in his bath. He watched them in a daze as they performed their job quickly and exited the room as fast as they could, never acknowledging their king. He sighed as he began preparing himself for the day. It was a special one, after all.

Today was his coronation.

Following the defeat of the archdemon and the darkspawn horde, Alistair sent the lords and ladies away to their homes to discover what was left of their lands and, if necessary, drive back any remaining darkspawn. He'd call them back in one month's time to celebrate their victories, as well as discuss what aid the crown could be to its people.

They were beginning the festivities with Alistair's coronation, officially crowning him king. Even Eamon had held his tongue when discussing the idea of a coronation before the final battle, but he was getting antsy, still fearful of threats that could take away Alistair's rightful title. Alistair wasn't worried; the people of Fereldan seemed to love and respect him already. He had successfully led Fereldan through the shortest Blight in history and seemed genuinely concerned about people and their lands. The population was eager to return to a time of peace and couldn't be bothered squabbling if someone else had a better claim.

Alistair had been dreading this day since it was first discussed. He didn't want the sole attention on him for the day. He had managed to talk Eamon into allowing some separate time during the celebration to honor Aedan, who in Alistair's mind, was the true hero of Fereldan. He had made the mistake of calling Aedan that in front of some lords and ladies who were eager to please their new king, and much to Aedan's chagrin, the title stuck.

The only positive thing about today was that he would be reunited with most of his companions. Elissa had returned to Highever with Leliana in tow as her lady-in-waiting, and Zevran had followed her at Aedan's request to offer his protection, just in case there were any loyal followers of Howe left. According to Elissa's letters, there weren't. Elissa certainly downplayed her popularity in her correspondence; Alistair heard the rumors all the way in Denerim of how the people of Highever and its surrounding lands rejoiced as Elissa was officially named Teryna.

Sten had disappeared shortly after his wounds had healed. Alistair asked him to stay, more out of respect than genuinely wanting his company, but the qunari had refused, wanting to return to his people. Oghren opted to travel Fereldan for the month, but promised that he'd be back in time for the celebration. Alistair suspected it had little to do with celebrating the victory and more to do with the free alcohol that would no doubt be flowing from the halls. Wynne had stayed as his official court mage and an unofficial advisor. When Eamon became too overwhelming to deal with (which was, unfortunately, more common than not), Alistair turned to the elder mage for her advice and wisdom.

As for Morrigan...

Alistair sighed as he finished getting dressed, running his fingers through his damp hair. Eamon would hate how messy it was, but he didn't care. He made his way down the hall, stopping at one specific room before going to Eamon's study. He wanted to check on his best friend before chaos ensued at the castle.

He quietly opened yet he chamber door, not surprised to see that the curtains were still drawn tightly, allowing very little light into the room. He waited for his eyes to adjust as he glanced around, taking note of what was inside. The desk chair had been moved slightly. That was good, that meant that Aedan had moved around a bit the previous day.

Aedan had taken quite the beating from the archdemon. Wynne and other healers had worked around the clock for days after the final battle to keep him alive. Everyone was astounded that he had survived; Wynne confided on Alistair that she had no idea how or why Aedan was still alive. She gave the credit to the taint that coursed through his veins. Alistair kept his mouth tightly shut. He had made a promise to his Grey brother that he would tell no one why he and Morrigan had done. He and Elissa swore they would take that to their graves.

Though Aedan had survived, his body was slow to recover. He spent the better part of most days in his chambers with the curtains tightly drawn, resting while he regained his strength. It was only within the past few days that he was able to stand long enough to bathe himself and take care of his needs without the assistance of others, yet even then he would collapse back into bed in utter exhaustion.

Alistair quietly dragged the chair to the bedside where Aedan was still fast asleep. It pained him to see his best friend this way; so utterly broken, both physically and emotionally. Alistair never liked the witch... _Morrigan,_ he forced himself to call her by name. There was no lost love between the two of them, and for his own selfish sake, he was glad she was gone. Yet he found himself wanting to find her, to drag her back, kicking and screaming if he must, only to see Aedan whole again. For some reason that Alistair couldn't see, Aedan loved Morrigan. And now she was gone, pregnant with his child, completely lost to him.

Aedan roused from his sleep as Alistair sat beside him and attempted to sit up. Alistair placed his hand on his shoulder, keeping him from moving. He fell back on his pillows, wiping the sleep from his eyes. "Your Highness..."

"Don't bother," Alistair said as cheerfully as he could. "I daresay they'll let you sleep for another hour or two before they come to get you ready. I just wanted to check in on you before they whisk me away to who-knows-what."

Aedan smiled, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I feel alright now, pretty good even. I think I'll be able to make it through the entire ceremony."

Alistair chuckled. "Good. I need you there. I don't know how I would have done this, any of this, without you. I mean it, Aedan. I don't think I ever thanked you..."

"You're stronger than you think you are," his friend interrupted. "Always remember that. You'll have your advisors and Eamon to fall back on, but it's you the people will always look to. And you _can_ handle it, I know you can."

The young king had no idea how to respond. He nodded and stared at nothing for a long while, thinking of how he could possibly lead these people. But he led them through a time of crisis; he could figure out how to lead them in a time of peace. At long last, he shook himself from his thoughts, turning his attention to his bedridden friend. "What are you going to do, then? When..." he trailed off, not sure how to put his question without seeming offensive. Aedan only chuckled.

"When I can take care of myself again? Well, you're granting Amaranthine to the Grey Wardens, right?" Alistair nodded fervently; it was the least he could do now to support his brotherhood. "Start rebuilding the order, I suppose. Start recruiting. I hope more people will volunteer now that they remember how important we are, but we'll see. I'll have to contact Weisshaupt I'm sure..." A heavy silence hung around them.

Alistair wasn't sure what the order would do. Everyone in the order _knew_ that a Grey Warden would have to die for the archdemon to be killed. When they found out Aedan survived...

"I'm going to tell them I'm a fake." Alistair snapped his head up, looking curiously at his Grey brother. "And when they ask you, you're going to do the same. Elissa too. Anyone else they might question. As far as the Grey Wardens are concerned, Riordan killed the archdemon. I took credit so that I could show the Ferelden how important we are and to give them a hero to look towards."

"But Riordan fell long before then. Men saw his body... they saw you slay the demon yourself!" Alistair cried.

Aedan smiled grimly. "If questioned, no one will be too sure of what they truly saw. They were fighting for their lives, scared out of their minds. When it was all over, they were told what happened. For their own sanity, they've put two and two together to have things make sense. If and when they question you, Alistair, Riordan killed the archdemon. It's the only way to keep Mor..." he trailed off, his voice cracking.

Alistair understood. If the other Grey Wardens knew the truth, they would hunt Morrigan and the child down, probably killing both for good measure. Alistair sighed, running his hand through his hair again. "Then that's the story I will tell. Just know, Aedan, you are a true hero, in every feasible way." Aedan didn't respond, but he didn't have to. Alistair stood and turned towards the door. "I'll see you down there."

"Good luck, Alistair." Aedan turned his head towards his friend and gave him a true smile. Alistair smiled back, happy to see a bit of his friend's true nature.

"Ooh, so _that's_ what my name is," Alistair replied, laughing. "With all of this _'Your Highness'_ talk, I nearly forgot that was my name."

* * *

He strode down the center of the aisle with an air of confidence he actually began to feel. He still didn't feel all that comfortable with everyone kneeling as he walked passed, but there was nothing he could do about it, so he continued on. He tried to keep his eyes ahead, focused on the Grand Cleric, but his eyes strayed to those who stood in the front of the crowd.

Leliana looked lovely, cleaned up in a beautiful dress with no trace of blood. She held a sort of demure look, one that lacked any sort of the craziness Alistair mostly associated with her. Oghren stood beside her, unsteady on his feet. Apparently he had gotten into the mead before anyone else. Wynne stood proudly on the other side of the aisle. Alistair had insisted she receive a place of honor in the ceremony with the rest of his companions. Eamon stood beside Isolde and Connor, and Alistair was happy to see the boy was doing well. He would be sent to the tower soon, but according to Teagan, he seemed to accept it, and looked forward to learning how to control his powers.

He finally found Elissa in the crowd. She stood alongside Aedan, supporting him while he stood for the ceremony. She threw a wink his way as he passed, and he did his best not to smirk as he felt his heart fluttered. If the single month the spent without her was any indication of how much he had missed her, the next year would be torture.

Alistair kneeled before the Grand Cleric as she led the audience through a series of prayers. She held his forehead in the palm of her hand as she gave thanks to the Maker for providing an heir of Calenhad to Ferelden. She placed a heavy crown upon his head, and as he stood and faced his people for the first time officially, he felt how truly heavy that crown would be.

"Arise, Alistair Theirin, King of Ferelden."

* * *

_A/N: And that's all she wrote! Gah, I can't believe it's over... For those of you who have stuck around, thank you for your continued support! If you're just reading now because it's finally marked as complete (I've done it, guilty!), I hope you enjoyed it! _

_There _will_ be a sequel... eventually. There are some other plots that have been cropping up in my head, including a (nearly) complete outline of another story I had begun to write before this plot bunny took over. I don't think I'm the sort that can juggle two stories at once, but we shall see. _

_In any case, I thank you all again. This was my first attempt at a real multi chaptered fic, and I'm so happy to have finished it. Thank you thank you THANK YOU! _


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